Living From the Heart – Sue DeRaad

Saturday, April 11th, 2009

Living From the Heart

by Sue DeRaad

Watch over your heart with all diligence for from it flow the springs of life.”  Prov. 4:23

Let’s get real Ladies! My husband was the problem, right? I held life together at home, that was true, but I was the one who swept the dust under doorstep. He let me see the buildup of perfectionism, isolation, and rage in his life behind closed doors. But when stepping out, he insisted that our doorstep be the cleanest in town. I did what I was told, so we always appeared very well put together.

It was all very confusing for me because we were always best friends. There was a love between us that was very noticeable and real. The two lives just didn’t fit. I was feeling unloved by my husband, fear of rejection and abandonment, inadequate as a wife, and shame if anyone were to ever see what was under the rug on the doorstep.

I was so busy building and maintaining a false image of my children and marriage that I didn’t know who I was. A Christian from age 10, I had always been faithful and sought after God with as much of my heart as I understood to do so. I had a strong conviction of right and wrong, so I was obedient and was looked up to as a “woman of faith” both as a single woman and later as a wife and mother. I was all those things, yet I lost sight of who I was created to be. I lost the dream or maybe never had one.

I saw God only as the Heavenly Father to be feared. Christ was my plum line. Yes, I spoke of my Christianity as a relationship, but I didn’t really understand that kind of intimacy and that God, through Jesus Christ really desired relationship with me. He wanted to know me. He wanted to share life with me. He wanted to walk with me and talk with me, just like in the garden. Wow!

Not only did I have to get to know who I was as a person, but even more so as a woman. God created woman to offer something to man. Something that he needed. Adam and God walked in the garden together, sharing many things that only God and Adam would ever share, but still something was incomplete for Adam. A woman-a feminine heart!

What does that mean for me? It gives me great value! A feminine heart is valuable not just in a marriage, but in life, offering the deepest side of my heart which is God given, God created, to the world. The world needs what my heart in Christ has to offer! The relational side of God’s image!

Are you ready to trust God with truly living from your heart honestly? Here is an exercise that may help you to explore your heart with honesty (and relate these to yourself, not your husband and/or children):

 List 10 things that bring you joy personally
 List two of your greatest passions /dreams.
 List two of your greatest fears.
 List five of your deepest emotions that you feel right now and attach them to something:

                                   I feel _______about _____________because________________

It is very important to live out who you are and being willing to take the risk. Is it time for you to be willing? God wants to share life with all of us-and that includes you.

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Come Walk With Me – Sue DeRaad

Tuesday, March 10th, 2009

Come Walk with Me

by Sue DeRaad

“Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. But the LORD God called to the man, “Where are you?” He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.” Genesis 3:8-10Genesis 3:8-10

“Come walk with me.” Those life-filling words became the still small voice ushering in the hope that filled my heart as I read Genesis, understanding for the first time that relationship was offered to Adam and Eve even after the fall in the garden gave me hope. God, being fully aware of their sin, offered relationship to them. His heart and purpose for us from the beginning was His desire for relationship with us, knowing us and knowing us intimately! Adam and Eve, having sinned and also being very aware of their disobedience, hid! But there, in Genesis 3:8-10, God in His great love for his children called out, “Where are you?” He said this already knowing where they were.

I hid too after my affair, so ashamed, yet feeling entitled to what little happiness I could find. After all, my husband hadn’t pursued me for years. He was hiding as well, in the snare of his own addiction. I felt ashamed and abandoned, so I chose to hide in a life that looked perfect, where no one would find me. But God knew where I was all along; He never gave up on me. He kept calling me to join Him, but I was afraid to come out. I didn’t want him to see the fig leaves I had attached to myself.

I hid in the shell of a woman who lived the part well. The “Godly” wife, a wonderful mom, a supportive daughter, a sister of three, active in our church and I (we) never lacked for friends. Our children were popular and active in sports. I appeared to have it all. Don’t get me wrong, I never saw my identity as false…I lived it so well that even I didn’t know that it wasn’t real! Is that called “denial?”

As a woman, I have a unique need for relationship and I have tasted and know that true intimacy with God is good! It is my desire to speak love, forgiveness and hope for a healthy and fulfilling future to both women and couples. Please meet me at Grace Rivers and let’s learn together. Come walk with me into a journey of exploring who we really are. Let me extend a hand as God pulls us out together from that hiding place that feels so safe. Do you hear His voice? Don’t worry if you don’t-you will-because He is calling you to “Come walk with me, my precious daughter.”

This journey will require stepping into the light as He lifts you up. Let me hold your hand along the way. We’ll take new steps together as you make your way back to yourself and the relationship God so longs to share with you.

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Tags: Sue DeRaad, Women
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