Posts Tagged ‘Sue DeRaad’s Blog’
Monday, March 15th, 2010
To Love and to Honor… My Husband, My Friend!
My husband is a man with a huge heart…a heart that feels deeply…a heart that brings healing to others by the way he offers love, compassion and courage to those who are especially down trodden, weak and weary. He is a Shepard, a gatherer of people. He provides shelter from the storm that is approaching and a shield when danger is near.
I honor him for who God has made him to be, how he offers love and protection to little ones. He would walk through the night to bring a lost child home. He honors, respects and guards their innocence. His arms are always open to children; they feel safe because they sense the openness of his heart as well. I remember while sitting next to my husband at sporting events, I sat alone…while he sat balancing the 4 or 5 children who were competing for a place on his lap. There was a time that I felt envious of that, but as I look back, I stand in awe of the gift God has given him to touch the hearts of children. Jesus in his teachings here on earth gave very special instructions concerning children. This man offers the example of Christ toward children. Children are drawn in. They feel loved, protected and cherished.
His love of nature has given me a perspective of God’s creation that has changed my life. I am able to see beauty that I have never noticed or seen before. In nature I meet with God in new ways that bring peace and harmony to my life. I see things through his eyes and it has lead me closer to God, for that I honor him.
The elderly feel important, loved and valued when Roger is close by. His heart is turned toward them, he hears their voice and they know it. So many of our older generation have lost their respect through sickness and health. But to him, they hold an honorable place in his heart because of their years… their wisdom and the journey of both accomplishments and maybe the pain they’ve walked through! He always has time for one of these lovely human beings who is in need. He genuinely cares for their well being. He is the hands and feet of Jesus to those who have gone before us.
To actually “Honor” another person is the highest form of love and respect within a relationship, but when there has been a breech of trust or severe hurt in a relationship, it may take longer to come to that place, it does not happen overnight. Through following the core values explained in The Journey of Thomas, I can honor my husband today, not because our relationship has been without duress, in fact, just the opposite. The first 20 years of our marriage were full of secrets, dishonesty and hurt. but today, there’s been honesty, forgiveness and healing. I now know and understand Roger’s heart. This allows me the privilege I have today of giving honor to my husband, my friend! The most amazing thing is, that I am able to do this with a pure heart!
Yes, our marriage was in despair and a lot of it had to do with Roger’s addiction and my lack of understanding concerning who I really was. Yet Roger’s decision to seek help leaving him separated from his wife and children for nearly 2 years, he was willing to give up his life to find it. His choices gave me the courage to trust again and walk through my own healing process. In that I see strength and courage, not weakness. For that – I honor him as the man I love…my friend…my husband!
“There is no greater love than to lay down your life…for a friend.”
Roger, you were willing to trod that painful yet amazing journey of discovering who God created you to be. In believing what He showed you, you found freedom not only for yourself, but you also lead the way for me and your family and others to do the same. I want to give Honor to you today, and encourage you to continue to walk in those shoes. Because from your sandals emerged a great and mighty warrior!
A year ago Roger and I moved to South Dakota to be near our children and grandchildren. He unselfishly took on a position as a farmhand, which is totally outside his comfort zone. In taking this position he has been forced to face a lifetime of fears, working very long hard hours and 6 days a week. He has come through his first year accomplishing more than either of us could have ever imagined. Gaining confidence in areas where he previously would never have even tried has made him a stronger man, more rugged and attractive to me! His unselfishness has made it possible for me to stay home to be a fulltime wife, mother and grandmother, to grow in my giftedness and to continue to explore the woman God created me to be.
In living without my income, we now live in one of the nicest most comfortable homes we’ve ever owned. It’s size allows us to have one of our children and her family stay with us while they find housing in this new community. Our new home lends itself to an atmosphere of family and friends. My kitchen is filled the aroma of “Mom is home.” My cupboards are overflowing from ceiling to floor. My freezers are full. My home is comfortable, not perfect. It lends itself to granddaughters coming by for a tea party and our grandson building a farm or hammering something he insists needs ‘fixin’.
The best part is, we are here to lend a hand and actively love both of our children and their families. We are enjoying the chance to nurture the little people in our lives. I have time now to run a meal or surprise snack to the field. Roger can pick me up and take me on a 4-wheeler ride to check the fields for weeds. Last night just as the sun was setting, he said, “Sue come on, grab the camera, let’s try to catch the sunset.” We built a memory!
Our lives are full…not necessarily easy, but rich and full of all the things that are important to us. All because this man, even though we didn’t agree, chose to wrestle with God and find peace in the midst of a very difficult decision. He chose to make a decision even though it was scary and uncertain in order to gather his family back together, to build and rebuild relationships for generations to come. All this because he chose to trust God with the unknown!
Do we always live out our newly found self, No! Do we always walk in the shoes that squeeze us and help us to grow…No! We often slip back into what’s comfortable but now we know that our new shoes are waiting for us at the foot of our beds. In them we find plenty of room to grow. I am not sure if they will ever become comfortable or that I even want them to. I don’t want to become complacent and comfortable. I want God to always push me through to the next level of my journey with Him.
Today is Valentine’s Day, February 14, 2010 and I lift you up Roger. I thank God for your courage and strength to lead me even when it’s been unpopular or even when I don’t want to be lead. You are a quiet leader, but you speak truth clearly when I need it. Thank you for allowing God to continue to grow you…Today, I honor who God has made you to be…may you continue to wrestle with Him.
Tags: Core Values, Honor, Journey of Thomas, Sue DeRaad, Sue DeRaad's Blog
Posted in Sue DeRaad's Blog, Testimonies, The Journey of Thomas, Uncategorized | 3 Comments »
Thursday, December 10th, 2009
It’s A Girl!
Look at all that hair! How could our baby be screaming and not even born yet?
“Okay Sue, just one more push,” I heard the doctor say. In just minutes after Roger called out our daughter’s identity, he reached over handing me a lifetime of joy!
Proverbs 31:29
“Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all.” Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
Cassidy, I want to bless you today. I want to bless you for who you are as a daughter, wife and a mother. Most of all, I want to bless you for who you are as a person.
I want to bless your mind. You have a strong mind. A mind that learns well and teaches naturally.
Your heart is tender toward the Lord. Children are drawn to you because you are loving, enchanting and open. They feel safe with you, because you set boundaries for them; this protects them and gives them freedom within those boundaries to explore and discover who they’ve been created to be.
You both encourage and challenge those around you to be strong and you motivate others to accomplish their goals. Your character is strong yet your heart is open and vulnerable! You stand strong for the things you believe in. You are honest and trustworthy.
As a wife, you are respectful and honoring. You hear the voice of your husband, but you don’t hide from expressing your own. You are willing to walk together in life’s great adventures and I bless that in you both! I love how you respect your husband and yet how honest you are in your relationship with him. I’ve seen you grow together as you trust the love and honesty of each other’s hearts. Your relationship is a model of God’s love. I bless your marriage, that it will be used to bring truth to others who stand by and observe it.
As a mommy, I see only joy in your eyes and excitement in your voice as you speak of your children. The word nurture defines you perfectly. There is nothing that brings more light to your glowing face than when you are watching Levi play.
You and Jason are gifted with the exact equation of nurturing, fun loving playfulness, guidance, love and discipline that were needed for Levi and his future siblings to grow up to be all that God created them to be.
As a daughter, my heart overflows with admiration and delight in the woman you’ve become. You are a friend to me and I am blessed! I treasure the memories we shared as you grew up; your spunk, your emotion, your imagination and love for make believe.
You always knew exactly what you wanted and you were more than ready to go after it! In that I see determination. Your fear of bugs, flies and crawly things made you the perfect little girl! But somewhere along the way, you turned into a well-balanced young lady who wasn’t afraid to ride four wheel ATV’s, fish, and hunt, or even shooting a partridge on the fly. Your brother was well pleased with your ability to throw a mean football, yet when you put on a dress, threw your hair up and polished your nails, you could walk the red carpet with the best of princesses! Your grace is amazing, the light in your eyes blinding and your smile and laughter are contagious! God has graced you with balance and beauty that made you the perfect match for the warrior in your life.
I want to bless you Cassidy, with a word picture. A symbol that I believe encompasses who you really are. A tulip I know is one of your favorite flowers, and as I’ve thought about a symbol for you, I think a tulip is perfect. First of all, a tulip has a unique beauty all it’s own; it’s a flower that one just takes a step back and enjoys. It is most often displayed and enjoyed in groupings rather than alone as a single flower.
Remember that Cassidy; that you are relational and it’s important for you to stand with others in order for your beauty to be shared. When being enjoyed by on lookers a tulip is less likely than other flowers to be picked and separated from its grouping.
Beds of tulips are often enjoyed from a distance as one stands in awe of everything they represent. Life, the onset of Spring, the end of winter. You too, are often enjoyed from a distance; your beauty is striking, yet calls those looking on to silence. When you are in your element, you represent life as well. I see it especially when you are taking advantage of each teachable moment in Levi’s life, or when you have the opportunity of being in front of a classroom of students sharing their learning experiences. Each tulip is different; tulips first are enjoyed because of the variety of colors they can display, they can also range from very plain to very fancy. It may have very fine straight lines or rounded with frilly edges, but that doesn’t change its beauty! This compares to your balanced personality; you are okay with who you are in both jeans and a gown.
The stem of a tulip appears to be very strong, yet it can be broken very easily if it is not handled with love and respect. In fact an entire tulip is very vulnerable to harm. You, Cassidy, are similar to that. You are often very fragile, but no one would know because you stand so tall, so confident and strong. This is where you must remember your dependence on God, and others. A tulip is a bulb that needs to be protected by someone who will take it in from the cold and put it out again in the spring to enjoy being kissed by the sun and refreshed by the rain! The bulb is the “heart” of this plant and must be protected from the cold and the heat. If the bulb is left unprotected, it will die! I pray that your strength will be in Him and your beauty will be only a reflection of what’s truly in your heart!
I bless and honor the day you were born, because without you, my heart would not be filled to overflowing like it is today! Today I found out that God has given you a daughter as well. The fruit of your womb! My eyes well up in anticipation of the thought of you experiencing the same relationship with your daughter as I have had with you! What a Blessing!
Cassidy, I love you! May I bless your future today as you continue to walk forward into the Journey God has planned for you! This is really just the beginning. May your life be a continued example of God’s love and commitment. May you enjoy relationships that are healthy and strong within your marriage, your family, and also with friends that will challenge and encourage you. I pray that you find your purpose in Him. And when walking confidently in that purpose, taking every opportunity He brings your way so that you will experience true satisfaction and fulfillment. Step out Cass! Trust God to make you all that you can be!
Be blessed my dear. I love you!
Mom
Tags: Core Values, Sensitivity, Sue DeRaad, Sue DeRaad's Blog, The Journey of Thomas
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Thursday, September 24th, 2009
Friday
Today, I am feeling overwhelmed with what it means to be transparent in relationships. If “transparency” as described in the Journey of Thomas means to have enough substance to live in flexibility, then I am learning a lesson here.
Our recent move from Minnesota to South Dakota has brought about quite a stirring up in my life. So, I am trying to learn what it means to “fit in” to life here. Does it mean giving up who I am? Does it mean watching…waiting…looking for ways to fit in to a new culture, a new environment?
I didn’t expect that to be such a struggle for me. But today it is.
How do I fit in and still hang on to me!
Sometimes I feel like I’m losing my heart… I find myself fighting to hang on, because I have experienced the real me and I can’t lose her again. I don’t want to, because I know the joy of becoming…actively pursuing God’s purpose for me.
Saturday
Today God spoke to my heart, He’s given me a glimpse of a new perspective. Could it be that I don’t have to give up me? But for now, I realize that I am the new kid on the block. I do believe that God has a plan here, a purpose for me other than feeling like I am living just to catch my next breath. He brought me here with a purpose. He knows me intimately and knows that for me, relationships are a priority. They are the beginning of everything that’s valuable. What does it take to enter into new relationships…it means I must be transparent. I must, I want to enter into the lives of those around me. I am working hard to do this and I am learning so much about myself in the process. And that is okay, that is good! I am entering into the lives of others by becoming a part of their world. I am doing things that I have never done before;
Raking Hay for my son (14 hours a day on a tractor)
Learning to talk on a CB Radio system between all the vehicles on the farm.
I’ve Cooked & served meals in the fields for the harvesting crews
I’ve become flexible because in farming…plans change in minutes.
I run to town (37 miles away) for machinery parts or fertilizer at the drop of a hat.
I make 6 – 8 dozen cookies every week for lunches and little ones that need treats!
I get an occasional morning phone call from Derek, “Mom, do you have some coffee made? I’ll be by in 10 minutes”
I have Jason, Cassidy and Levi living with us…What a blessing to have this little family in our home while they job search in Aberdeen. Waking up to little Levi…tucking him in at night! What a privilege for Grandpa and Grandma.
Learning…still learning…the unimportance of a cluttered house.
I am harvesting a garden…Canning or Freezing with the help and encouragement of my daughter in law and her mom;
o Salsa
o Tomatoe Soup
o Kosher Dills
o Banana Peppers
o Raspberries
o Green Beans
o Corn
o Pears
And…I am doing all this to enter into life here while moving our household from Minnesota to South Dakota – not finished yet!
I recently drove a fifth wheel diesel pickup with a 24ft.cattle trailer on behind to Minnesota and back with the remainder of our belongings as well as Jason and Cassidy’s household. Derek, our son, lead the way. I felt so cared for when he offered to drive the other pickup because Roger had to work. He encouraged me along with a few strong suggestions (he wouldn’t have been Derek without those) on the CB radio system between the two pickups all the way there and back. I am building a whole new relationship with my son, and it’s all worth it!
We are fighting to find “Our” time. Roger and I are learning the value of quality time. Sometimes we feel like giving up and saying “We’ve lost everything we’ve gained over the years. But instead, we continue to fight…figuring it all out within our new circumstances. We are working to find a “New” normal that for us is still meaningful and intimate, asking God to use us for His purpose in this new land he has brought us to.
So have I lost heart?? No, As God so graciously has shown me this week-end, “Sue, for this season you must learn a new life here. I have new things for you to learn…it’s not about driving a tractor, or canning vegetables or talking on a CB radio. It’s about relationship. You are entering into relationships by entering into the lives of those around you.”
So, if I want to have a voice, if I want to make a difference, I must become a part of this world. I must trust Him for the timing!
Lord Jesus, thank you for showing me your perspective. Thank you for helping me take the focus off me and back to you. I have learned so much already. I have learned more about giving… and unselfishness from those around me. Father, give me a giving heart! Lord…let my heart be heard…even now. Allow my heart to minister to the hearts of other women. Let honesty and love flow from me, pointing others to a deeper more intimate relationship with you… Amen!
Tags: JOT, Journey of Thomas, Sue DeRaad's Blog, Transparency
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Monday, September 21st, 2009
Being an active participant in your relationships is a part of unconditional love, leading to a better understanding of one another and nurturing respect.
So many times I have to take a step back and ask myself, am I really hearing what’s being said to me? Or am I responding out of my own insecurities or agenda? Am I only hearing what I expect to hear, not what my husband or children are really saying?
When I feel most hurt and unimportant as a wife and a mother is when I feel unheard. When I believe that I don’t have a voice, I feel insignificant. When that happens I am usually feeling quite passionate and I believe I have something important to say. When I believe the person I love is not hearing the heart behind my words, I feel hopeless and something inside me flares that I fear is often misunderstood.
When I feel heard, then it’s easier for me to let go and submit to the other person, because they have respected my opinion, they have heard my voice and have understood my heart. I feel important enough for someone to have taken the time to hear me. I feel respected and considered. I feel honored.
There is probably nothing greater for a mother than to be respected by her children. I have a daughter who has always been a active participant in my life. We laugh a lot together. We don’t always think alike, but she is someone who is honest with me—sometimes too honest! But because I know her heart, I feel compelled to listen to her and consider what she is saying. I have to be able to sort through her words and consider the truth in what she says. She is my friend.
She is a mom now. She is experiencing both the joy and the immense responsibility of motherhood. She will be a wonderful mother! Such joy it brings me to be close to her again; to watch and pray.
I have a son who reacts quickly and often harshly, but who also has an amazingly huge heart. I still feel loved and respected by him because he takes the time to set aside the situation and think through the conversation. He later returns showing understanding and respect for what I said even though he may not agree.
If I did not know his heart, if I had not chosen to be an active participant in his life, I may feel chewed up and spit out by the strength of his voice. God has given him a strong, rich character, which at times needs some fine-tuning, as does mine. He is young and passionate about life. He is wild at heart. As his mother, I have the privilege to sit back, watch and pray!
I am thankful for the opportunity God has given me to be a active participant in the lives of my adult children.
Tags: Active Partcipant, Journey of Thomas, Sue DeRaad's Blog
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Saturday, April 11th, 2009
Living From the Heart
by Sue DeRaad
Watch over your heart with all diligence for from it flow the springs of life.” Prov. 4:23
Let’s get real Ladies! My husband was the problem, right? I held life together at home, that was true, but I was the one who swept the dust under doorstep. He let me see the buildup of perfectionism, isolation, and rage in his life behind closed doors. But when stepping out, he insisted that our doorstep be the cleanest in town. I did what I was told, so we always appeared very well put together.
It was all very confusing for me because we were always best friends. There was a love between us that was very noticeable and real. The two lives just didn’t fit. I was feeling unloved by my husband, fear of rejection and abandonment, inadequate as a wife, and shame if anyone were to ever see what was under the rug on the doorstep.
I was so busy building and maintaining a false image of my children and marriage that I didn’t know who I was. A Christian from age 10, I had always been faithful and sought after God with as much of my heart as I understood to do so. I had a strong conviction of right and wrong, so I was obedient and was looked up to as a “woman of faith” both as a single woman and later as a wife and mother. I was all those things, yet I lost sight of who I was created to be. I lost the dream or maybe never had one.
I saw God only as the Heavenly Father to be feared. Christ was my plum line. Yes, I spoke of my Christianity as a relationship, but I didn’t really understand that kind of intimacy and that God, through Jesus Christ really desired relationship with me. He wanted to know me. He wanted to share life with me. He wanted to walk with me and talk with me, just like in the garden. Wow!
Not only did I have to get to know who I was as a person, but even more so as a woman. God created woman to offer something to man. Something that he needed. Adam and God walked in the garden together, sharing many things that only God and Adam would ever share, but still something was incomplete for Adam. A woman-a feminine heart!
What does that mean for me? It gives me great value! A feminine heart is valuable not just in a marriage, but in life, offering the deepest side of my heart which is God given, God created, to the world. The world needs what my heart in Christ has to offer! The relational side of God’s image!
Are you ready to trust God with truly living from your heart honestly? Here is an exercise that may help you to explore your heart with honesty (and relate these to yourself, not your husband and/or children):
List 10 things that bring you joy personally
List two of your greatest passions /dreams.
List two of your greatest fears.
List five of your deepest emotions that you feel right now and attach them to something:
I feel _______about _____________because________________
It is very important to live out who you are and being willing to take the risk. Is it time for you to be willing? God wants to share life with all of us-and that includes you.
Click for printable PDF
Tags: Sue DeRaad, Sue DeRaad's Blog, Women
Posted in Helpful Advice, Sue DeRaad's Blog | No Comments »
