Thursday, December 10th, 2009
It’s A Girl!
Look at all that hair! How could our baby be screaming and not even born yet?
“Okay Sue, just one more push,” I heard the doctor say. In just minutes after Roger called out our daughter’s identity, he reached over handing me a lifetime of joy!
Proverbs 31:29
“Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all.” Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
Cassidy, I want to bless you today. I want to bless you for who you are as a daughter, wife and a mother. Most of all, I want to bless you for who you are as a person.
I want to bless your mind. You have a strong mind. A mind that learns well and teaches naturally.
Your heart is tender toward the Lord. Children are drawn to you because you are loving, enchanting and open. They feel safe with you, because you set boundaries for them; this protects them and gives them freedom within those boundaries to explore and discover who they’ve been created to be.
You both encourage and challenge those around you to be strong and you motivate others to accomplish their goals. Your character is strong yet your heart is open and vulnerable! You stand strong for the things you believe in. You are honest and trustworthy.
As a wife, you are respectful and honoring. You hear the voice of your husband, but you don’t hide from expressing your own. You are willing to walk together in life’s great adventures and I bless that in you both! I love how you respect your husband and yet how honest you are in your relationship with him. I’ve seen you grow together as you trust the love and honesty of each other’s hearts. Your relationship is a model of God’s love. I bless your marriage, that it will be used to bring truth to others who stand by and observe it.
As a mommy, I see only joy in your eyes and excitement in your voice as you speak of your children. The word nurture defines you perfectly. There is nothing that brings more light to your glowing face than when you are watching Levi play.
You and Jason are gifted with the exact equation of nurturing, fun loving playfulness, guidance, love and discipline that were needed for Levi and his future siblings to grow up to be all that God created them to be.
As a daughter, my heart overflows with admiration and delight in the woman you’ve become. You are a friend to me and I am blessed! I treasure the memories we shared as you grew up; your spunk, your emotion, your imagination and love for make believe.
You always knew exactly what you wanted and you were more than ready to go after it! In that I see determination. Your fear of bugs, flies and crawly things made you the perfect little girl! But somewhere along the way, you turned into a well-balanced young lady who wasn’t afraid to ride four wheel ATV’s, fish, and hunt, or even shooting a partridge on the fly. Your brother was well pleased with your ability to throw a mean football, yet when you put on a dress, threw your hair up and polished your nails, you could walk the red carpet with the best of princesses! Your grace is amazing, the light in your eyes blinding and your smile and laughter are contagious! God has graced you with balance and beauty that made you the perfect match for the warrior in your life.
I want to bless you Cassidy, with a word picture. A symbol that I believe encompasses who you really are. A tulip I know is one of your favorite flowers, and as I’ve thought about a symbol for you, I think a tulip is perfect. First of all, a tulip has a unique beauty all it’s own; it’s a flower that one just takes a step back and enjoys. It is most often displayed and enjoyed in groupings rather than alone as a single flower.
Remember that Cassidy; that you are relational and it’s important for you to stand with others in order for your beauty to be shared. When being enjoyed by on lookers a tulip is less likely than other flowers to be picked and separated from its grouping.
Beds of tulips are often enjoyed from a distance as one stands in awe of everything they represent. Life, the onset of Spring, the end of winter. You too, are often enjoyed from a distance; your beauty is striking, yet calls those looking on to silence. When you are in your element, you represent life as well. I see it especially when you are taking advantage of each teachable moment in Levi’s life, or when you have the opportunity of being in front of a classroom of students sharing their learning experiences. Each tulip is different; tulips first are enjoyed because of the variety of colors they can display, they can also range from very plain to very fancy. It may have very fine straight lines or rounded with frilly edges, but that doesn’t change its beauty! This compares to your balanced personality; you are okay with who you are in both jeans and a gown.
The stem of a tulip appears to be very strong, yet it can be broken very easily if it is not handled with love and respect. In fact an entire tulip is very vulnerable to harm. You, Cassidy, are similar to that. You are often very fragile, but no one would know because you stand so tall, so confident and strong. This is where you must remember your dependence on God, and others. A tulip is a bulb that needs to be protected by someone who will take it in from the cold and put it out again in the spring to enjoy being kissed by the sun and refreshed by the rain! The bulb is the “heart” of this plant and must be protected from the cold and the heat. If the bulb is left unprotected, it will die! I pray that your strength will be in Him and your beauty will be only a reflection of what’s truly in your heart!
I bless and honor the day you were born, because without you, my heart would not be filled to overflowing like it is today! Today I found out that God has given you a daughter as well. The fruit of your womb! My eyes well up in anticipation of the thought of you experiencing the same relationship with your daughter as I have had with you! What a Blessing!
Cassidy, I love you! May I bless your future today as you continue to walk forward into the Journey God has planned for you! This is really just the beginning. May your life be a continued example of God’s love and commitment. May you enjoy relationships that are healthy and strong within your marriage, your family, and also with friends that will challenge and encourage you. I pray that you find your purpose in Him. And when walking confidently in that purpose, taking every opportunity He brings your way so that you will experience true satisfaction and fulfillment. Step out Cass! Trust God to make you all that you can be!
Be blessed my dear. I love you!
Mom
Tags: Core Values, Sensitivity, Sue DeRaad, Sue DeRaad's Blog, The Journey of Thomas
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Thursday, July 16th, 2009
By John J. Smid
Prov. 15:23
A man finds joy in giving an apt reply- and how good is a timely word
Prov. 16:24
Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones
I love you! How many times in your life have you heard someone verbally say they love you? How often as a child did you hear your dad or mom say these words to you without shortening them to “luv ya”? Or did you hear this at all? I find that it can’t be said too much.
It is so important when showing the love of Christ to others that we develop an awareness of how much people need to know they are loved and cared for. Affirmation is so important and it is much more significant when it is attached to something specific.
John 13:34
A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
God loves us, period.
God’s word here says basically two things: First, God loves us, period. Second, it says that we are asked to share that love with others through personally loving them.
This kind of love isn’t necessarily romantic, nor is it intended to be erotic. In our contemporary world, the word love is so misunderstood because it has so many meanings. The love shown here is a command that may or may not have a mushy, affection attached to it. It is the kind of love that we chose to give away. It may be very sacrificial! In fact, most people that we chose to love will likely bring us to a point of sacrifice at some point or another in our relationship.
Some of us have received a comment such as “good job” for things we have done well. Or maybe we have received kind words of thanks when we have given something to someone as a gift. And in some cases, we might have heard “I Love You” from unexpected places. But what about affirmation of whom we are as God has created us to be?
This love is not connected to performance!
I was at a weekly men’s support meeting at my church about 12 years ago. I was in a really tough spot and feeling a lot of self pity. One of my friends spoke emphatically to me about how I really needed to “get over it”. His words were true and I received them in the spirit in which they were meant. I was thankful for his response which was intended to somehow “shock” me into a better reality. But, at the end of the meeting my friend said, “John, maybe I was too hard on you and it might have been better if I had just told you, “I love you.” Wow! That was powerful for me to receive. I was moved to tears hearing this man spare his own machismo to tell me clearly and succinctly that he loved me.
One of the most meaningful kinds of love is unconditional love. This kind of love isn’t attached to what we have done or given, it is just that we are loved by God and as His children we are commanded to do likewise, love each other just because we are called to, because He loves them.
If you happen to be a parent, check to see how often you tell your kids, “we love you” as though you and your spouse are one person. While it is very important to be united and show you are a team, in marriage, it is also important to show your kids you are individuals too. Try to tell them you love them as a dad, or mom separately from one another. “I Love You!” There is a lot of meaning in a son hearing from his dad, “I love you, Son.” There is a lot of significance for a daughter to hear this from her dad or vice versa as well. The eye to eye, verbal, with personal contact, “I L O V E You” is very important.
This certainly doesn’t mean we are to avoid giving affirmations on behalf of a group or couple. Being sensitive to that is very important as well. Showing appreciation for someone’s involvement in our lives is equally important – however it may be easier because of less vulnerability involved.
The power of a poignant pause……
Think about it just for a minute. It can be very personal to enter someone’s day with an “I love you” that just hangs there and isn’t associated with a tradeoff nor does it expect something in return. This is the love of Jesus, His love for us without us giving anything in return and expecting nothing in the future. Sounds a lot like the Gospel, doesn’t it?
The Blessing – without it we may search in all the wrong ways to find it!
There is a book by Garry Smalley and John Trent called The Blessing which I have found teaches an important lesson on sensitivity. This little book is powerful and effective in showing us how to truly bless one another, not by affirming something we have done, but rather affirming the character that God built into us when He created us.
When blessing an adult child, as a parent, it is important to think of them when they were growing up. There are times when we are looking at our adolescent or adult children and a blessing is far from our minds. We may be really challenged by their lives or choices. But this may be the most significant time to share a blessing; at times when they may not feel they deserve even a kind word-much less a blessing.
What kind of person were they when they were 7 or 8 years old? What was their natural bent? How did they see their world or other people? This may have been a time before they were wounded or hurt by the world. It might have been a purer time in their life for their personality to have shone.
A blessing for them when they are grown would contain many of these characteristics within it. The same would apply to a child blessing their parent. Look back over your life and see if you can find things about their character that you can bless regardless of their current behavior.
Blessing people in general
Sometimes we have challenging relationships with others that might require us to dig deep for a blessing to be written or shared but it is possible if we put aside surface things we see and look for the positive character traits that we have observed over time.
As we learn to live honestly, entering into one another’s lives, we must learn to become more sensitive in regards to loving each other. This is not a perfect world and we are certainly not perfect people, but God asks us to love each other actively.
1 John 3:18
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.
If we have been honest, put aside our rights for a special time, heard their hearts, and released our judgment, it becomes so much easier-maybe even natural-to sacrificially love someone else.
Physical Affirmation
I grew up without much physical affirmation. When I was a teenager I felt hungry for hugs. I thought this through and figured the easiest person to get a hug from would be my Grandma Smid. I was at her home and when we left I reached out and sought a hug from her. It was so well received; I thought “who would be next?” So one by one I reached out to other family members and found that when I hugged them, they typically responded with a warm hug in return.
Later in my life, I went too far with hugs. I lost all sense of healthy physical contact and moved into inappropriate physical contact and sexuality. When I was convicted to return to a healthier lifestyle those simple hugs didn’t seem to mean anything anymore. I was starved for the way it felt to hug my grandma but my excessive physical boundary crossing had damaged my physical receptors.
I was in a really good church where hugs were often given and I received them with resentment due to my unhealthy hunger for more. But over time, something amazing happened! As my flesh detoxified from the abuse of touch, I found that God had healed my failed nerve endings. Simple hugs, holding hands to pray, and a pat on the shoulder became a lifeline to my soul, healing many places that were damaged.
I never thought it would happen, but the hunger was finally satiated. Today, I give physical affirmation to others rather than trying to manipulate it from someone else. I realize how important physical touch is when it is healthy. I know how many may be starved for the touch of a trusted friend who isn’t looking for something in return.
Seeking permission to touch
I have also learned that some people may be wounded in such a way that touch may be something they can’t accept from someone they don’t know or without their permission. For some, physical touch can feel unsafe and potentially dangerous to their personal circumstances.
I learned that it was vital when at church, or in a social setting that if I don’t know someone I need to ask permission to hug them if it is healthy in that setting to do so. I also learned that there are safe ways for people of the opposite gender to hug. A safe “side to side” hug can not only communicate healthy physical touch but it can also communicate that I desire to protect them by not assuming they are comfortable with other types of physical hugs.
Learning sensitivity for others hearts, souls, and physical boundaries is vital in developing respectful relationships.
Printable PDF – Sensitivity
Tags: affirmatin, blessing, Love, Sensitivity, The Journey of Thomas
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