Father and Son
Friday, October 30th, 2009
As Iron sharpens Iron, so does one man sharpen another. Proverbs 27:17
Derek was only 18 when he learned of his father’s addiction. Sitting on the step of a stairwell in a hotel close to his college, he hung his head. First anger, then such severe grief for an 18 year old to have to endure, just when he was trying to figure out his own identity and place in this world.
As a mom, I felt so much pain for my son. I felt so fearful of the effect this news would have on his future choices. I wanted to protect him, to keep him from hurting, but I couldn’t, I needed to let him feel and then handle it in his own way. I could‘t fuss over him or coddle him. He was alone in a whole new environment, knowing very few, no family around him and having to deal with such devastating news about his father. How would this news change their relationship? Would they ever be okay?
Today, I look back to that time and I marvel to think of what God has done in ten years. The progress, the healing of the hearts of two men that I love so much, two men who are learning together to live…wild at heart!
Derek, is a dad himself now living in South Dakota. One night, in the Fall of 2008, while still living in Minnesota, we got a call from him. He asked for his father and said,” Dad I need you!” He worked on his in-laws family farm, but had recently gone on his own and he was feeling overwhelmed! He had so much on his plate and wanted his dad close by. Derek is a risk taker, He was willing to trust God and step out, but now he was asking for help. His dad could have said, “Derek, I’m over 50 years old, I’m done moving around. I am staying right where I’m at.
But instead, he wrestled with God until there was peace, and then he dropped everything and ran to his son! By that I mean…God provided full time work for Roger as a farm hand with Derek’s brother-in-law. Within two weeks after the offer for the job, he was on his way to SD. I went with Roger that first week and then I had to come back to MN and stay working until our house sold. Starting with the very first day we arrived, Roger and Derek spent most nights sleeping in the barn calving out 200 heifers. Derek had spent a couple weeks preparing for our arrival. They had a single mattress and a recliner in the tack room with a small heater and a compact refrigerator also, not to mention a portable DVD player. Many hilarious stories have come from that experience along with some life lessons I am sure.
Mutual respect came from all the experiences they had as they lived in very tight quarters depending on one another to get through day and ultimately the calving season. Walking together in the middle of the night through blizzards and frigid sub 0 degree temperatures…one holding a light and one picking up a new born calf who was on the brink of hypothermia, carrying them to the barn, rubbing them down to increase circulation then placing them in a warmer to save their lives. They worked together assisting many of the cows who were struggling to have their first babies. There were nights where they were exhausted. They had to continue setting their alarms every two hours and getting up to check the cows who were getting close to delivery. Some nights Derek would wake up and sneak out to let his father have some extra sleep and some nights Rog would do the same for him.
Derek saw his dad walking in the newness of the man God created him to be. He saw a seasoned kind of calmness he had not seen in his dad before. He respected him for being willing at his age to change his entire lifestyle and his job to be near him and his family, taking the opportunity to rebuild that relationship.
Roger saw his son as the man he was becoming, strong and adventurous, organized and knowledgeable of the task at hand. He had a strong work ethic, willing to work hard to provide for his family.
This relationship didn’t happen over night. There have been some hard times where the growing pains of honesty, love and respect were being sharpened. But they have worked hard to regain that mutual respect that comes from working through the steps of the journey!
As Iron sharpens Iron, so does one man sharpen another…Proverbs 27:17
This is a verse we have up in our family room near the pictures of Roger, Derek and Jason our son-in law. It is a good reminder of the importance that relationship plays between men.
As a mom, I am moved again by God’s goodness and grace in the lives of Derek and his father. Just 2 weeks ago Roger got a phone call. Derek sounded like a kid in a candy store. He had been invited on an Elk hunting trip. They were leaving for the Rockies the next morning. They would be hauling their horses to the southwest corner of Colorado, unloading, riding up into the mountains and sleeping under the stars. He wanted his dad to come along and be a part of this adventure. It was a very difficult decision; however Roger knew that with the symptoms of West Nile virus still present in his body, it wouldn’t be a good idea health wise for him to go on this trip.
I continue to thank God whenever I see them together. I still, after all these years, am moved to tears as I think of the gift of relationship between these two men in my life. Without both men trusting the God of the universe…things could be very different! The world says, “Just write ‘um off!” But our God is in the business of healing and restoring, He says, “Come to Me…”