Fitting In – A New Environment for Us, by Sue DeRaad
Thursday, September 24th, 2009
Friday
Today, I am feeling overwhelmed with what it means to be transparent in relationships. If “transparency” as described in the Journey of Thomas means to have enough substance to live in flexibility, then I am learning a lesson here.
Our recent move from Minnesota to South Dakota has brought about quite a stirring up in my life. So, I am trying to learn what it means to “fit in” to life here. Does it mean giving up who I am? Does it mean watching…waiting…looking for ways to fit in to a new culture, a new environment?
I didn’t expect that to be such a struggle for me. But today it is.
How do I fit in and still hang on to me!
Sometimes I feel like I’m losing my heart… I find myself fighting to hang on, because I have experienced the real me and I can’t lose her again. I don’t want to, because I know the joy of becoming…actively pursuing God’s purpose for me.
Saturday
Today God spoke to my heart, He’s given me a glimpse of a new perspective. Could it be that I don’t have to give up me? But for now, I realize that I am the new kid on the block. I do believe that God has a plan here, a purpose for me other than feeling like I am living just to catch my next breath. He brought me here with a purpose. He knows me intimately and knows that for me, relationships are a priority. They are the beginning of everything that’s valuable. What does it take to enter into new relationships…it means I must be transparent. I must, I want to enter into the lives of those around me. I am working hard to do this and I am learning so much about myself in the process. And that is okay, that is good! I am entering into the lives of others by becoming a part of their world. I am doing things that I have never done before;
Raking Hay for my son (14 hours a day on a tractor)
Learning to talk on a CB Radio system between all the vehicles on the farm.
I’ve Cooked & served meals in the fields for the harvesting crews
I’ve become flexible because in farming…plans change in minutes.
I run to town (37 miles away) for machinery parts or fertilizer at the drop of a hat.
I make 6 – 8 dozen cookies every week for lunches and little ones that need treats!
I get an occasional morning phone call from Derek, “Mom, do you have some coffee made? I’ll be by in 10 minutes”
I have Jason, Cassidy and Levi living with us…What a blessing to have this little family in our home while they job search in Aberdeen. Waking up to little Levi…tucking him in at night! What a privilege for Grandpa and Grandma.
Learning…still learning…the unimportance of a cluttered house.
I am harvesting a garden…Canning or Freezing with the help and encouragement of my daughter in law and her mom;
o Salsa
o Tomatoe Soup
o Kosher Dills
o Banana Peppers
o Raspberries
o Green Beans
o Corn
o Pears
And…I am doing all this to enter into life here while moving our household from Minnesota to South Dakota – not finished yet!
I recently drove a fifth wheel diesel pickup with a 24ft.cattle trailer on behind to Minnesota and back with the remainder of our belongings as well as Jason and Cassidy’s household. Derek, our son, lead the way. I felt so cared for when he offered to drive the other pickup because Roger had to work. He encouraged me along with a few strong suggestions (he wouldn’t have been Derek without those) on the CB radio system between the two pickups all the way there and back. I am building a whole new relationship with my son, and it’s all worth it!
We are fighting to find “Our” time. Roger and I are learning the value of quality time. Sometimes we feel like giving up and saying “We’ve lost everything we’ve gained over the years. But instead, we continue to fight…figuring it all out within our new circumstances. We are working to find a “New” normal that for us is still meaningful and intimate, asking God to use us for His purpose in this new land he has brought us to.
So have I lost heart?? No, As God so graciously has shown me this week-end, “Sue, for this season you must learn a new life here. I have new things for you to learn…it’s not about driving a tractor, or canning vegetables or talking on a CB radio. It’s about relationship. You are entering into relationships by entering into the lives of those around you.”
So, if I want to have a voice, if I want to make a difference, I must become a part of this world. I must trust Him for the timing!
Lord Jesus, thank you for showing me your perspective. Thank you for helping me take the focus off me and back to you. I have learned so much already. I have learned more about giving… and unselfishness from those around me. Father, give me a giving heart! Lord…let my heart be heard…even now. Allow my heart to minister to the hearts of other women. Let honesty and love flow from me, pointing others to a deeper more intimate relationship with you… Amen!