Sunday, August 30th, 2009
John, what do you want? You cannot have it both ways.
Jonah 1:17; 2:1-10 – But the LORD provided a great fish to swallow Jonah, and Jonah was inside the fish three days and three nights
From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the LORD his God. He said: “In my distress I called to the LORD, and he answered me. From the depths of the grave I called for help, and you listened to my cry.
You hurled me into the deep, into the very heart of the seas, and the currents swirled about me; all your waves and breakers swept over me.
I said, ‘I have been banished from your sight; yet I will look again toward your holy temple.’
The engulfing waters threatened me, the deep surrounded me; seaweed was wrapped around my head.
To the roots of the mountains I sank down; the earth beneath barred me in forever. But you brought my life up from the pit, O LORD my God.
“When my life was ebbing away, I remembered you, LORD, and my prayer rose to you, to your holy temple.
“Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs.
But I, with a song of thanksgiving, will sacrifice to you. What I have vowed I will make good. Salvation comes from the LORD.”
And the LORD commanded the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land
I can relate to Jonah!
I have been in the belly of the whale. This week has been one of the most challenging weeks I have faced in a very long time. Monday, my first day greeting customers with the intent of selling a car, started out with pretty good energy. By Tuesday I was experiencing a change of heart. Discouragement and grief replace my energy for the job I had taken. I began to seek the Lord while I was mowing my lawn. I poured my heart out to Him but, through the week of confusion, God hammered my heart. “What do you want John?” I have also been hammering God’s heart, ” You know where my heart is at God. How much freedom do I have to pursue my heart’s desire?”
The grief I was feeling went beyond what I have felt in a long time. As my wife and I were praying this morning, I said, “I sense that I am losing everything that is important to me”. Because of the heavy schedule and overwhelming commitment of this new job I have lost significant family time. I have lost contact with relationships that have become a strong support system for me. And not insignificantly, I am losing the mission the Lord laid on my heart. It has become severely challenged due to a lack of time and focus to put into it. I have experienced a significant number of hours each day standing on the sidewalk in front of the building praying and waiting for the potential of a buying customer. I felt trapped by the expectations and the reality of this kind of job. I felt lost in a world far away from my life calling and my heart’s desire.
When I entered the job at the car dealership, I did so quickly and had clouded eyes thinking that God was calling me to this to meet our financial needs and that He might have something in this for me that is important for my walk with him and for Grace Rivers. As I faced each day I had a different conversation with the Lord and actually I found that He was speaking to me in a fatherly way that I appreciated.
I had to evaluate who I am authentically. How did God create me and what is His calling on my life. I had no question about how I would answer that. Standing in front of the sales lot was certainly not energizing or fulfilling. I questioned whether or not I was just in an adjustment period and needed to stick with this since I started it. But my experience led to a deeper evaluation.
As I honestly looked down the road I could see that being at this job longer would not get better. I was fully capable of doing this job. I was slated for a department of sales that I knew I was capable of and would do so in a productive fashion. I had already made some friends and I knew that would help in this becoming more fulfilling. But as I honestly looked at the bigger picture I could see that the longer I was there, the further away from my heart I would be. I had to ask myself if I was willing to lose more of my heart and if God was actually saying He was changing my calling.
Oh, this is why I am feeling grieved. I was losing something. All that I have built up over the last year could be lost if I don’t get my butt up and accept the challenge that God has placed before me. He was asking me if I were willing to put the same energy into Grace Rivers that I would have to put into selling cars. I do not believe in my heart of hearts that God has placed me on this earth to sell cars. I would know that if it were true. He does give us the desires of our heart – He shows us what they are! I also have a responsibility to now engage my body and energy into that desire.
As I wrote in an earlier blog, a Wise Man, asked me what I had learned in my two weeks there. I didn’t have a full answer for him at the time but I believe God was truly speaking through Harvey Rosen. I learned how to step into this job that was clearly an open door, trusting God would lead me where He wanted me to go. I learned that there is potentially a kingdom value in everything we do. I learned that I can make a left turn going a different direction and how to trust God in that decision. I also learned that when I get a little way down the road I could make a u-turn and go back. I also learned that during that detour, God was present, available, and would take full advantage of the experience. I learned more about seeking God for my heart’s desire.
I am now what I believe is back on track but differently than before. I am motivated in a new way to seek something with all my heart. I am more trustful right now of God’s direction and of His plans for me. I also realize that I have some work to do.
I am more willing to be honest with myself, with my wife, others, and not the least, more honest with God. I am learning more about authenticity and transparency for sure.
My journey continues.
Tags: Authenticity, honesty, The Journey of Thomas
Posted in Articles by John Smid, Get Into John's Head, The Journey of Thomas | 9 Comments »
Wednesday, August 26th, 2009
Being content with who we are only comes from knowing who we are to begin with!
I was getting to know a fellow salesman the other day at the car dealership, “Mark, I found a great way to communicate with my customers about buying cars.” I found that I can sell an experience. Cars are meant to be driven and for many customers they will buy a car because they have a personal experience that is satisfying to them.
Marks reply after I talked more about my ideas was, “John, I’m different than that. I am more of a nuts and bolts guy”. We discussed our differences and I told him that his ways are personal to who he is as a person.
I learned that in selling any product, each of us has an authentic platform that is personal to us. If I am trying to copy someone else’s’ personality or trying to model another person’s presentation I could come off to a customer as being insincere or fake.
I am finding my own place in the market place. I am trying to be honest about who I am and what I think and feel as I present a potential car to a customer. As I do that, I really enjoy the connection I have with them individually.
Articles on Honesty and Authenticity Click Here
Tags: Authenticity, Journey of Thomas
Posted in Get Into John's Head, The Journey of Thomas, Uncategorized | 1 Comment »
Thursday, August 13th, 2009
by John J. Smid
Job 20:20-22
Surely our foes are destroyed, and fire devours their wealth. Submit to God and be at peace with him; in this way prosperity will come to you. Accept instruction from his mouth and lay up his words in your heart.
My wife and I have gone through a huge transition during the last year and a half. When we made the decision together that I should resign from Love in Action-a ministry position that we had both invested our hearts and souls in over the previous 22 years-it was a major change for both of us, and even more so for me.
My Internal Evaluation
In the process of leaving I had to do a lot of internal evaluating; this required a lot of personal honesty and authenticity. I had to dig deep into my heart regarding my motives, my weakness and my strengths. It was imperative that I left with my heart as honest as it could be and to feel clear about my real motives regardless of what the circumstances at the time looked like. It was easy for me to vacillate at a very emotional level. For all intents and purposes it could have looked like I was leaving a conflicting situation in hopes I would find relief and a new beginning but that was not the real truth.
Five years earlier God had truly begun to change my heart. He dug around in there to see if my involvement with the ministry I was in included an idolatrous place in my life. I was certainly deeply invested. I had received much affirmation for what I had been doing all through the years but as I searched my heart I did not believe it was an idol for me in that sense of the word.
Something much bigger was happening and it was quite a move of the Lord. After I began to seek him for changes that I knew could unearth me from 22 years of investment, I found a new excitement, a hope in something that was quite different for me. This was the true beginning of Grace Rivers and I had begun a new journey for myself. I didn’t know what lay ahead but I began to wonder what it might look like. As I pondered these changes in my heart I tried to figure out a way to incorporate these new things where I was serving, but that didn’t seem to gain any momentum.
The Tearing Began
This is where the trials began. Things surrounding my connection with this ministry seemed to be shaking loose. Much of the shaking looked like the man on the roof with the pronged shovel tearing old shingles loose might look from the street. It was rough to go through and at times terrible to experience. But none the less, the ties began to break and I found myself losing my heart connection to the ministry.
After a couple of years of confusion, shock, misunderstandings, and personal and internal battles it became apparent that God was tearing me away literally one finger at a time while I struggled to hold on out of fear that I may not survive outside of where I was. After all, who would be interested in me? I didn’t have a college education and certainly the ministry I was serving was quite narrow in focus and often controversial. So, what would I have to offer another ministry or corporation? How would I make a living?
I also looked back over twenty years earlier. I worked for the Union Pacific Railroad for 13 years. It was a secure job with great pay and benefits. Many I worked with often wondered if they could survive outside of their job since it paid so well and their qualifications might not get them a job like that. So, I wondered the same thing. Where could I go to get this kind of a job. Maybe I have to stay here forever because certainly I couldn’t get this anywhere else. So, I felt trapped by my circumstances.
I realized that I had gotten to the same place in the ministry. Where would I go? Could I survive leaving this ministry position? I once again began to feel trapped by my circumstances thinking surely I couldn’t get this kind of position anywhere else. The deception in my own heart was a stronghold. Thinking I had nothing to offer another ministry or corporation since I was so “under qualified”. After all, I didn’t have a college degree or a resume’ that anyone would find useful outside of this narrow focused ministry I had been in for so long.
After another year of tearing away I got to the place where it appeared that I really had no option if I wanted to remain healthy personally and to leave before everything exploded internally. So, my heart had changed to the point where I began to ask the Lord to free me or I was going to go crazy. I got back to my roots in my faith where I prayed deeply and simply, “God, lead me out of here”.
Ok, I’ll Go Along With You God
Once the decision was made in my heart I did feel relief but at the same time the change had not occurred. In the meantime there was even more turmoil that was more challenging than anything I had gone through before. The last of the fingers had to come off.
When I walked through the decision I began to pray differently. “What do you have for me now God? Make it a surprise!” I didn’t want to contrive my future and truly wanted it to be built by Him. I wanted His best. If I was going to leave this 22 year investment then my future had to be His best. I hadn’t a clue what that might look like. I laugh now thinking that I might be able to contrive it anyway. With my history it wasn’t like I had this wonderful experience that would cause churches, ministries, or corporations to beg me to come to work for them!
Surprises? I want to know more.
God did in fact begin to surprise me. Week after week I saw this process like I was opening Christmas packages one at a time. I knew that whatever was in them would be good but until they were opened I didn’t know the content. One surprise after the other felt like dropping breadcrumbs that were leading me down this mysterious path of discovery. Day by day I released more and more of the past I had lived in, because I saw such wonder in the new challenges that were present and that lay ahead.
Today
John Smid will be selling cars. Talk about surprises! Who would have known 18 months ago that I would be working at a Toyota dealership? I didn’t ask for this. I never would have set my sights on this as an income stream.
As I adjust to the idea I am getting somewhat excited about it. There are many things about this job that fit my interests. The hours will allow some scheduling that coincides with continuing to build Grace Rivers and work on The Journey of Thomas. I look forward to working with some people again since I have been primarily alone in my office all year. I like the managers I have met so far.
Surprising to me, they saw my resume’ as a positive thing. “John, you completely fit the profile that we are looking for. We believe you will do very well with this job.” You mean my history and resume doesn’t disqualify me? You mean it is a positive? Well, there goes another lie I believed. It was cancelled right before my very eyes.
Honesty
The Journey of Thomas began in my life before I ever even thought of the idea. I had been building the concepts of Honesty and Authenticity on a very personal level. What am I feeling? What is really going on in my heart of hearts? If I had not been more personally honest I might have slammed a few people along the way from the deception if it had set in. During the process of the earthquake in my vocational life, I had to continually evaluate the circumstances and filter them through what I knew was really happening, rather than to blame my circumstances and expect the people around me to be what they were not.
Authenticity
If I had not focused on whom God created me to be I could not have trusted Him as much as I did through the process. As I rocked and rolled through the changes I had to keep coming back to who I was rather than what I had done. What makes up John Smid? What do I really want to do with my life? During this time I found that I had discovered a personal mission statement that really wasn’t new but had led me all through the years. While I was working in a narrowly focused ministry, a much more widely applicable mission was moving in my heart. This personal evaluation of my own authenticity saved me and others from a lot of grief for sure.
Transparency
Then, the idea of Transparency became a reality. Am I willing to say “Whatever Lord” upon my new life choices? Am I really willing to allow Him to surprise me? Is the element of surprise a positive thing? Actually it has been. Being willing to move wherever He wanted me to, added a wonderful journey to this last couple of years of my life. I learned that when I was flexible in my heart I could then ponder the mysteries of my future.
When my wife and I were on a cruise and had landed in Turks and Caicos in the Caribbean I had just begun to open up my heart to the Lord’s changes. I thought, “What would it be like to come here and start a brand new mission to reach the spiritual needs of this virtually bankrupt island?” My wife wasn’t so keen on the discussion but I was becoming free to begin a brand new life, walking in the freedom of the Lord using me, as I am, however He chooses to. Transparency had a brand new meaning for me and I was finally open to a new adventure.
The Truth!
Yes, I want to learn more each day to live in the truth because that is where I have found some of the answers to the question, “Where are you going Lord, and how do I get there.” It is a great place to be.
My Journey continues…………. Come along with me.
Application Principles
Having a more honest perspective on our life, our motives, and our potential can and will help to prevent relationship struggles and consequences. It will also help in our connection with the Lord. Seeing His perspective allows us to trust Him more fully.
I have often heard some refer to the added “beatitude” Blessed are the Flexible. Actually, “Blessed are the Meek” fits this quite well. Meek in this passage really means in its original language accepting God’s dealings with us as being good.
Being honest can help us to accept God’s dealings with us more fully and with less stress and outward manifestations of sinful responses. Honesty is good “preventive” medicine!
Prayer
Oh, father, I am so thankful for Your working in my spirit today. As I look back over the last five years I can truly be thankful that You saw a bigger picture than I could have imagined. In Your love and care for me You saw into the future something that I would truly enjoy and embrace even when it wasn’t on my radar screen. Help me to continue following You more deeply into the close and distant future.
PDF My Own Journey – Truth
Tags: Authenticity, honesty, My Own Journey, The Journey of Thomas, Transparency, truth
Posted in Articles by John Smid, Get Into John's Head, Grace Rivers Development, Testimonies, The Journey of Thomas | 1 Comment »
