Sue DeRaad – Listening to her children
Monday, September 21st, 2009
Being an active participant in your relationships is a part of unconditional love, leading to a better understanding of one another and nurturing respect.
So many times I have to take a step back and ask myself, am I really hearing what’s being said to me? Or am I responding out of my own insecurities or agenda? Am I only hearing what I expect to hear, not what my husband or children are really saying?
When I feel most hurt and unimportant as a wife and a mother is when I feel unheard. When I believe that I don’t have a voice, I feel insignificant. When that happens I am usually feeling quite passionate and I believe I have something important to say. When I believe the person I love is not hearing the heart behind my words, I feel hopeless and something inside me flares that I fear is often misunderstood.
When I feel heard, then it’s easier for me to let go and submit to the other person, because they have respected my opinion, they have heard my voice and have understood my heart. I feel important enough for someone to have taken the time to hear me. I feel respected and considered. I feel honored.
There is probably nothing greater for a mother than to be respected by her children. I have a daughter who has always been a active participant in my life. We laugh a lot together. We don’t always think alike, but she is someone who is honest with me—sometimes too honest! But because I know her heart, I feel compelled to listen to her and consider what she is saying. I have to be able to sort through her words and consider the truth in what she says. She is my friend.
She is a mom now. She is experiencing both the joy and the immense responsibility of motherhood. She will be a wonderful mother! Such joy it brings me to be close to her again; to watch and pray.
I have a son who reacts quickly and often harshly, but who also has an amazingly huge heart. I still feel loved and respected by him because he takes the time to set aside the situation and think through the conversation. He later returns showing understanding and respect for what I said even though he may not agree.
If I did not know his heart, if I had not chosen to be an active participant in his life, I may feel chewed up and spit out by the strength of his voice. God has given him a strong, rich character, which at times needs some fine-tuning, as does mine. He is young and passionate about life. He is wild at heart. As his mother, I have the privilege to sit back, watch and pray!
I am thankful for the opportunity God has given me to be a active participant in the lives of my adult children.