Comforted To Comfort Others – Love One Another
Smooth and yet powerful, the rolling of life is like a massage of our aches and yet there is evidence of a wearing away that deepens our experience.
As I looked at this picture it appeared to me to be strong, consistent, mighty and yet it was soothing and not turbulent. I thought, this is what life is like from a distance. If I look up close there is a movement that is powerful. Craggy rocks are worn away by the little brook, the edges of a sharp shell is honed away by the tides coming and going on the shoreline. But from far away, it seems a lot of the rough edges are smoothed out. But why? Why would the Lord want to wear away our rough edges?
John 15:1-17
1-3 “I am the Real Vine and my Father is the Farmer. He cuts off every branch of me that doesn’t bear grapes. And every branch that is grape-bearing he prunes back so it will bear even more. You are already pruned back by the message I have spoken.
It appears that the way of the Lord in our life is definitely to prune, to sand off those things that would hinder us from being our very best. Our best can only be achieved when we are grafted into Jesus’ vine and taken care of by the Master Gardner. This will require us to go through the chastening process. Wounds and healing are a natural part of our life. When we are pruned there is pain, there may be some bleeding, but when we are willing to be in communion with our Lord there will be healing too.
4″Live in me. Make your home in me just as I do in you. In the same way that a branch can’t bear grapes by itself but only by being joined to the vine, you can’t bear fruit unless you are joined with me.
Go and bear fruit! What is the fruit of a fulfilling life? Good relationships? When we live a life of loving others sacrificially, we will show forth the fruit that our Father desires from us. Jesus said that this is the way our Father shows us who He is. He does this by loving us, unconditionally, without shame for our mistakes or shortcomings.
5-8″I am the Vine, you are the branches. When you’re joined with me and I with you, the relation intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant. Separated, you can’t produce a thing. Anyone who separates from me is deadwood, gathered up and thrown on the bonfire. But if you make yourselves at home with me and my words are at home in you, you can be sure that whatever you ask will be listened to and acted upon. This is how my Father shows who he is—when you produce grapes, when you mature as my disciples.
This next verse has often troubled me. “Keep My Commands”, scares me sometimes because I know how often I fail in daily life. What are His commands? Do they consist of a list of “do’s and don’ts”. If I read the new covenant correctly, I know that we have been freed from the law and brought into the life of grace. So, what is Jesus talking about here when He says in order to remain in Him, we must obey His commands?
9-10 “I’ve loved you the way my Father has loved me. Make yourselves at home in my love. If you keep my commands, you’ll remain intimately at home in my love. That’s what I’ve done—kept my Father’s commands and made myself at home in his love.
11-15″I’ve told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature. This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. You are my friends when you do the things I command you. I’m no longer calling you servants because servants don’t understand what their master is thinking and planning. No, I’ve named you friends because I’ve let you in on everything I’ve heard from the Father.
16″You didn’t choose me, remember; I chose you, and put you in the world to bear fruit, fruit that won’t spoil. As fruit bearers, whatever you ask the Father in relation to me, he gives you.
17″But remember the root command: Love one another.”
The message I hear in this reading is that we are ultimately called to love one another. To remain in Jesus is to continue to allow His chastening, His cleansing, so that we can follow in his model of relationship in loving each other with a selfless love.
When I was in my mid thirties I was hungry for friends. I looked all around for a friend that would meet my needs. I felt very alone and relationally starved. I met a man that paid attention to me. He was kind, affirming, very gifted and seemed to want to spend time with me. As we began to build a relationship we had lots of fun, we spent time together and even went on a couple of weekend trips together. I thought I had found the best friend in the world. I felt special and significant because of this friendship.
After a short time things started to get uncomfortable but I was unwilling to be honest about what I was feeling. When I saw him with someone else I was jealous. If he didn’t have time to do something with me I felt rejected. When these feelings would surface, I would begin to manipulate him with carefully chosen words to hopefully produce my desired outcome. I had begun to make this man an idol in my life. I was far too focused on his life, his opinions, his affirmation of me. I had become extremely enmeshed in the relationship. I didn’t want to be hungry and lonely again like I was. So I was clingy and desperate to keep what I had with this friendship.
In our own ways, each of us started hurting one another with words, actions, and an attempt to pull away from something that was beginning to hurt us. But I ignored the pain thinking surely this could be solved without giving up the friendship. I thought, if only he would change or if I would do just the right thing, it would all be better.
After about two years, the pain became so great that I felt I had no option but to let go. I contacted him and said that it was not healthy for us to remain in contact with each other. I was unwilling to endure further pain and I also took responsibility for my negative impact on his life from being so clingy and controlling. In a phone call I released him. I realized that I was not loving him, but rather in my selfishness I “needed” him to meet my desires for connection.
It was shortly after our last conversation that God began to speak to me about relationships. It was the words in John chapter15, that changed my life forever.
First of all I learned that there was a model of relationship that Jesus gave us to follow. Second, I learned that Jesus was the “friend” that I had looked for all of my life. He was the friend that unconditionally loved me, He would never leave me nor forsake me, and He knew everything about me from the beginning to the end. It seemed that this knowledge pierced my heart deeply and showed me I never had to be alone again.
The three points of healthy relationship I learned from Jesus’ model of relationship are these:
1. To be honest with each other. Jesus told us everything His Father told Him to tell us, holding nothing back.
I was living dishonestly in numerous ways with my friend. In my dishonesty he didn’t know how to connect with me so there were many mistakes and mis-communications along the way.
2. To make choices in our relationships. The choice to pursue, the choices needed in healthy relationships, the choice to give sacrificially. Without making choices in relationships we will fall prey to the enemy’s fleshly distractions which actually harm good relationships.
I didn’t implement healthy boundaries where they were necessary. I was willing to drop commitments, other friends, and my own priorities in exchange for time with my friend.
3. To always keep in mind the purpose of relationship is to bear fruit for the kingdom.
There was a drain from my life and my energy which limited the potential fruit that could have come through our relationship with each other. Our selfishness and idolatry was certainly not based on kingdom values – rather it was based on temporal human desires.
From the time my friendship was given to the Lord through today, my friends are additions to my life, not the center of my life. I really have not since that time felt anxious about friendships like I did before. I felt the deep pain of the cutting away of that friendship but in the end, it was the very best thing for me – and for him. The lessons I have learned about healthy relationships have benefited me and others tremendously. The pruning was worth it for sure.
I also learned that Jesus’ model of relationship fails if we are not in the care of the Master Gardener. If we are resistant to being pruned or we are bitter when His discipline comes into our lives, we will miss the mark in our relationships. We will not live in his commandment to love each other. It doesn’t work to control relationships into our lonely nests rooted in neediness.
If we do not remain in Him, we will become self sustai
ning which will lead us to selfishness and again separation from the source of our relationship provision.
As the strong, powerful “smoothing” water in our lives rolls over us it is with purpose. It will round off our rough edges so that we will not cut one another with our sharp sides. It will bring a fresh new growth into places we have desired but were too sharp to enjoy.
I can feel the warmth and care of His honing of my life. I trust His motives are always from a pure love. He is asking us to do the same. Love One Another, this is His command. Maybe we need some smoothing out before we can do that. Are we willing to ask Him to work in us so that is possible?
Prov. 3:1-2
My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity.
Prov. 3:11-12
My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he love, as a father the son he delights in.
Job 5:17-18
“Blessed is the man whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty. For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal.
