Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day

MomYesterday was Mother’s Day. I have many, many friends who are LGBTQ. As I read through FaceBook I was rapt with the diversity of comments, celebrations, joy, and sadness sent back and forth between children and their mothers.

Having been involved in ExGay ministry for so many years, I knew hundreds of families that wrestled with homosexuality and transgender issues to no avail. Hope was deferred by the lack of desired changes. Parents hoping beyond all hope that their kids would not have to endure being gay and children wanting so much to please their parents through their expended energy to find change in their sexual orientation.

Today I’m in contact with many of those whom I’d worked with through Love In Action. I knew the families, saw the love and the pain exchanged through Family and Friends weekend participation. Now, I see the outcomes after so many years of walking through the journey. Did their kids change? Is there still a desire to see change? Have they accepted homosexuality as a part of life that isn’t so bad? Some parents have loosened their grips on their expectations of change. Others have joined their kids in accepting homosexuality as part of their lives and no longer see it as a sinful unhealthiness to be healed. Some parents continue to hold out for change and continue to convey a message to their kids that God would want them to be different.

I’ve seen some of the LGBT kids have been able to navigate through their parents’ struggles to find a love relationship with them. Others have found their freedom through an emotional separation from their parents. Then there are those who live a life of conflict, ambivalence and emotional manipulation back and forth in a love-hate relationship experience. It certainly isn’t easy.

I know many of the backstories in families that remain distant and conflicted over homosexuality within their life of their family. I also know what were once the painful realities that have now become glorious testimonies of love and acceptance that have produced an incredible depth in the love relationship between parents and their children.

Yes, another Mother’s Day has come and gone. Some left feeling at peace, others with deep conflict.  Ultimately the resolve comes in the form of conversation. A willingness to speak and to listen and to place no boundaries on what can or cannot be said. Always with respect and a listening ear, this is the way through the circumstances.

We don’t have to agree, or have the same standards. But we will do well to love and value one another even more so when we don’t.

Far too many parents and their children stand at arms length away from each other in fear that we’ll lose one another. But in reality, the space between us is a loss. It’s a loss of what it could be if the gap were closed.

FaceBook was filled with diversity yesterday and I felt joy, and sadness as I read through the posts. There is hope but and it may come before next Mother’s Day.

A beautiful letter for mom’s of LGBTQ kids.

Any time you write a post to moms, there’s always the risk of leaving someone out. Today I (Alise) am writing to one specific group of moms – the moms in Liz Dyer’s group for Christian moms of LGBTQ kids. If that’s you, you can email Liz at to request information on how to join.

I see you today.

Standing in church,

wondering if you belong.

Wondering if you can share

the pictures of your son

and his boyfriend at prom.

Wondering if you can send invitations

to your daughter’s wedding,

when the people in the pews

knew her as your son.

Wondering if your daughter,

with her suit and shaved head,

will be turned away

at the ladies room.

I see you today.

Not sure if you’re ever going back

to church, after being asked to keep silent

about your gay child.

Hurt over and over again

by a religion that valued rules

over relationships.

Forced to choose between

your flesh and blood family

and those who claim to be your spirit family.

Told you are mutilating your trans son,

told that your love is lacking

because you won’t call your daughter

an abomination.

I see you today.

Not sure if you are ready

to fully embrace your child

after he told you, “I’m gay.”

Feeling torn apart by guilt,

ripped in half by lost expectations.

Wondering if you can love Jesus

and your lesbian daughter.

Learning terms and phrases,

that remind you that your child

isn’t like other children.

I see you today.

Holding your child’s hand proudly,

knowing that there can be no boundaries

when it comes to loving your offspring.

You fight fiercely,

you love unconditionally,

you cry deeply,

and you laugh joyfully.

You don’t let others tell you

what love looks like.

You’ve felt it,

and you refuse to allow it

to be quenched.

I see you today,

you moms of queer kids.

I see you,

and I love you.

Written by Alise

Another beautiful letter, from Susan Cottrell:

Dear Beautiful Child of God,

YES, YOU ARE a beautiful child of God, I don’t care what anyone has told you. I feel a bit helpless here. If I could, I would open a home to welcome you and other LGBTQ kids who have been disenfranchised by their families.

I can tell you what I would say if you were my child. I will speak to you from my heart, to say the many things your parents, and your church, should have said but failed to.

To read the rest what Susan says in her letter, click this link:

Supportive resources for moms / parents:

Susan Cottrell, Freed Hearts Ministry

Liz Dyer

Sara Cunningham – How We Sleep at Night
A christian mother comes to terms with her son being gay through a personal journey that starts with the Church and ends at the Pride Parade.

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