Life? Alone? In Despair?
Desolate, alone, no where to turn, despair…
So hopeless that taking his own life must have seemed like the only choice.
How does someone get to this place…we were heartbroken as we watched some 450 people came to say good-bye. They spoke of his life…A “Smile” that was contagious, a “Heart” that kept giving! The stories repeatedly testified of people, people whose lives were touched by this one man! One after another stood to bare witness of the man they knew…or thought they knew. He was a friend, a son, a father and a husband…
He seemingly, was a lover of life, people, family and the out of doors.
What went wrong?? How does one hide their despair from 450 people?
What could have been going through his mind?
There is nothing good about me…
If anyone were to find out…
No one would understand…
I am so ashamed…
I can’t ask…I just couldn’t take another rejection!
I must hide…
I feel hopeless…
These are thoughts many of us have had before…the lies that Satan plants in our minds. Our negative self – talk.
As I sat and observed this tragic occasion, I felt saddened at the people coming and going, watching their expression of bewilderment, grief, shock and silence! The truth was…People were crying out for a chance to listen, a chance to have a part in reversing the outcome. But that was impossible now. Questions were raised…why didn’t he call me? Why didn’t he trust me enough to confide? Feelings expressed… “I’m angry… I’m hurt…I’m so sad!” Honesty reigned, but yet many heads still hung in confusion and grief!
I’ve been looking at my relationships…Do I really listen? Do I see the body language?
Do I look beyond his/her words? Am I a confidant? Am I safe for him/her? Do the people I am closest to, feel safe with me. Do they trust me to be a confidant? Am I trustworthy?
There were many times when despair was also a part of my husband Roger’s life. He believed the lies as well. The lies that no one understood, that no one cared and that he couldn’t possibly be honest about his life, that he’d be rejected again.
I too, being in an unhappy marriage, didn’t want anyone to think badly of the man I loved. I didn’t think I had anyone I could tell that another man was paying attention to me. I believed I had no one I could trust with that information.
We both hid and continued in our pain alone. No one knew how messy our marriage was. So sitting through this service was very personal for us… both as a very difficult time to remember back to that life, but also as a time of awakening for us to not take our relationship or our healing for granted.
As I looked over and saw the tears streaming down Roger’s face, he reached over and squeezed my hand. I knew then that we were united in spirit, in our grief, our compassion for this family and in our gratefulness for what God has brought us through.
We may struggle at times with some of those same feelings, but we are confident in God’s love for us, our love for one another and the love of our families that has been tried and tested. When life’s circumstances seem difficult, we are not hopeless, because …
Psalms 37: 23 – 24: The steps of a man are established by the Lord; and when he falls, he shall not be hurled headlong; Because the Lord is the One who holds his hand.
There have been times, when I thought my life was out of control and this verse brought me peace. A counselor once shared with me that while driving along, he has reached over to hold the hand of his Heavenly Father. What a sweet reality! It’s a comfort to know that He is that close!
Lord Jesus, May your love penetrate us so deeply that others are moved by your presence, may they sense your love, and be drawn to You through us. Make us approachable, honest and open in our relationships, so that others feel safe. Help us remember that every relationship is divinely appointed by you. Make us aware of opportunity everyday to make a difference in someone else’s life. Forgive me for the times I have overlooked someone because of time, busyness, or my own selfish agenda.
Open the eyes of my heart Lord, to be sensitive to the needs of others and available when someone needs to be lead into your presence. Thank you for the privilege of placing the hand of a hurting person into yours…Amen
December 1st, 2009 at 10:25 am
Dear Sue,
Today this insightful message was just exactly what my Father knew I needed. I am struggling with a personal situation with one of my sons and I have had to offer the situation up to the Lord.
HOPE was delivered once again to me as I saw through your message that He will hold my hand and my son’s when he is ready!
Thank you for sharing!
Peggi Willis