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Friday, November 18th, 2011
People all over the world are seemingly living out the same vision and heart’s desire as I have.
“A ministry with the gay community that reveals the message of an authentic relationship with Jesus Christ and genuine community with His followers – because every person deserves to know that Jesus loves them.”
This weekend, I’ll be traveling to meet with several folks who are asking the same questions I am about how God wants us to work with the Gay community to reveal more of Christ’s love for each and every one of them. We will spend many hours together in a “think tank” of questions and discussion. I am really looking forward to what God will show us as we pray and meet together. We have it in mind to explore a third voice regarding ministry with the gay community:
Neither a voice of condemnation;
Nor a voice of permissiveness;
We are seeking a voice that some how can find the balance between:
100% Truth and 100% Grace
As you may remember, our last year end goals included pursuing meetings with other Christians who held similar desires to love the gay community as God would have us to. I had all kinds of ideas as to how this might come about but as the year has unfolded, it seems God has lead me slowly, but succinctly towards our goals differently than I would have imagined.
Two years ago I was introduced to a wonderful man that lives in Australia. I won’t give his city as his outreach is a very sensitive one. But, this godly man has developed a ministry where he and his team go to the gay bars in their city regularly and have built wonderful relationships with the men and women that are regulars there. They have such credibility that they are invited to their homes and lives.
God is doing an amazing thing there and it is a privilege to have a relationship with this guy. We email back and forth and have Skyped on several occasions. His live is a tremendous sacrifice for these people. He once was an Anglican priest, is married with children and the folks in the bars call him, the “straight priest”.
Another friend who lives in a city in south central United States, has a presence on the gay internet blogs. He sends out an invitation to join him for a meal at a local restaurant to the wide audience who may see it. He has been doing this for a couple of years now and has developed quite the following. Last year on the week before Thanksgiving, he facilitated a dinner for those he had met through his monthly meals. There were 45 people in attendance! He has told me it is his desire to offer a relational alternative for the typical bar pick-up atmosphere. It sounds like he is really making an impact. I have had many long conversations and also time on Skype with him. I love his heart and the wisdom that he has for what he is doing.
In England, another friend has developed a bible study network for those who desire to know more about their faith and study with others that are gay that have the same desires. His ministry has been going now for over twenty years and in the last 12 years has been more focused on further development of discipleship within the gay community to know Christ more and grow further with Him. He and I enjoy sharing idea and providing support for each other through regular Skype meetings. He has become a very important friend as I continue to seek God for what He has for me to do in ministry with the gay community.
Through the giving of our financial supporters I’ve traveled to California, Texas, Alabama, and England. In each of those trips I’ve gained more insight, and wisdom on what God is doing through my life and relationships with the gay community.
Last month we had the privilege of having Andrew Marin (Love is an Orientation) here in Memphis. His talks with us helped to gain even more tools for us to use as we pursue ministry with the gay community locally.
This is such a delicate ministry. The wounds within the gay community are deep with regards to church relationships. This causes a great challenge with bringing a message of God’s love to those who have been so hurt. This is why I have been elusive about mentioning cities, or names. I do not in any way want to say something that might cause people to feel as though they are a ministry target project, or to reveal someone’s ministry location. It is also delicate due to the many misunderstandings that occur within the Christian community about this issue.
What we do is “missional”. This means that it is a ministry outside the church buildings and requires of us to go into the world and build relationships of authenticity and trust. It is not necessarily built upon an “invitation” to church, but rather an invitation to join one another in the journey of life. This kind of ministry would not likely have a platform in a church building because it requires an organic life in our homes, our communities, and on the streets of our lives.
In a recent meeting a friend said this;
“it is like you are saying to invite some into your river of life, jump into the water with them and begin paddling alongside one another.”
This is exactly right!
Just as Jesus did. He saw someone alongside their road of life, invited them to join Him. There were no conditions, no requirements, just a willingness to begin walking alongside Him. As they encountered life together He taught them about who He was and how He desired them to live. Moment by moment, year by year, they learned, grew, and yet they also struggled with life along the way. Judas struggled so much that in the end he betrayed Jesus but Jesus never kicked him out even though He could clearly see the underlying battle.
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Friday, November 11th, 2011
A Memphis Film Premier
The film, “This is What Love In Action Looks Like” was premiered in Memphis at the “Playhouse on the Square” to a sold out crowd on November 4th, 2011.
I’ve attended three movie premier events for this film. Certainly the one in San Francisco was a memorable time for me personally, spiritually, and relationally.
Montgomery Alabama was certainly smaller but none the less, I met some wonderful people there and the response was very much the same as the larger event in San Francisco. But, the premier in Memphis was completely different.
As I prepared my heart for seeing the film and being on the discussion panel afterwards, I felt a lot of anxiety because this is my town, with the potential of a lot of people in the audience that I know personally. To add to the situation, There would be people there who were from many places in their personal lives seeing the film for the very first time.
During the week prior to the film a local pastor contacted me to schedule a meeting. He said he and his church had a great burden to connect to the gay community around them and wanted to pick my brain about the issues. I was excited to meet him and to see what they had in mind. As I walked into the coffee shop he greeted me with another person from his church. I looked up and it was someone I had known from another church I had been a part of. He was someone I never thought would show an interest in connecting with the gay community. So this was a nice surprise. At the end of the meeting, they said that they were attending the film premier as well.
I have a small group of people that I work with at our local community theater that I really love. Three of them said they were coming to the premier as well. They were curious about the story and knowing me added to their interest in coming.
So, as my wife and I got to the theater for the film, I had settled in my mind who would be there from my closer circle of friends. But, when we walked into the lobby, six people were there that I certainly did NOT expect to see there. They were from our home group that meets every Saturday night. I was surprised and also curious about why they were there. I was really anxious now! What would they think? How would they perceive this film and the surrounding subject matter?
We all got ready for the opening statements and Morgan Jon Fox, the film’s creator, began to address some of the details and then said, “I have some other very important business to take care of.” At that point he asked his partner, Declan, to come to the stage. He talked about how none of this would have been possible if it weren’t for the support of Declan. He then got down on one knee, pulled out a small box, and proposed to Declan. Well, that was sure a surprise!
I felt so many things going on around me and in my heart. I knew there were people in the crowd that would find that incongruent with their values, their understanding of God, and our culture. Some of them were my friends. So, I was flushed with all kinds of things at that point. I worried what they might be thinking I was thinking. I felt all kinds of performance pressures come upon me to remain neutral in all of my responses.
Regardless of what I was thinking I felt such a strong need to please everyone around me with my outward actions.
As I thought about the crowd all I could think of was to ponder this strange crossing of all of my worlds together in one room at one time. In all honesty, I was mainly comforted thinking of my friends from the theater because I feel the most freedom from performance when I am with them. Interesting that a theater crowd is a place where I DON”T have to perform!
After the proposal, the film began. I wondered now even more what all of these folks might have been thinking when there was such a strong voice against ex-gay ministry in the film’s content. The interviews on the film were examples of people who talked about their experiences with ex-gay ministry, how they had been wounded by a lack of understanding of what it is like to be gay and family battles over homosexuality.
The story was about Zach, a 16 year old, who’s parents basically forced him to attend a two week program. There were protestors who were friends of Zach’s who came to show him they loved him. The protest drew international publicity and national and local media coverage.
There were also many excerpts from the news reports and interviews on national news. Then interviews with Lance who was in the program with him. Zach’s program was extended and after he finished, he wanted to pretty much remain in the background and went to college. Lance separated from his parent’s home and went on to be more public in how he felt harmed, and pressured by coming to the program. There were interviews with some others who had been in the adult program describing their negative reactions to having been involved in ex-gay ministry.
At the end of the film, it was mentioned that the producers attempted to gain interviews from people who had favorable experiences with Love In Action but none were willing to make any comments.
All I could think of is how sobering this film was for me. As I watched it, now for the third time, I was still keenly aware of the significance of the lives of those who were sharing their experiences through the venue of a film interview. I was once again, drawn to a place of personal responsibility for my own actions and how in many ways had been part of the problem.
While the theme of the film is the story of Zach, a 16 year old who was forced by his parents into a teen program to attempt to eradicate his homosexuality, there was a very strong lineage that was the life of John Smid. My face, voice, and story were front and center throughout the entire film.
As I listened once again to the stories of these men, I also heard, loud and clear, things that I said six years ago and some that I said only a little over a year ago. These two people were not the same! I have changed so much since the protests of 2005.
The audience was very reactionary towards things in the film. Some of the most overt were some who hissed when images of conservative Christianity came up in the film.
After the film was over, there was a panel discussion with five people including me on the panel. I remember moving to the front in preparation for sitting on the stage with the others being quite challenging. Being the center of the “problem” addressed in the film, it was vital that I maintain a humble composure.
Questions were asked of my own response to the film, and comments as to how the film shows a dramatic change in the way I am responding to homosexuality, so I commented on all of that. I spoke of how we at Love In Action had changed the teen program due to our awareness that we had not addressed the families of the teens, especially the parents, nearly enough. We recognized that working with the teens without including intensive work with the parents was potentially harmful for the teens upon their completion of the program.
As the panel discussion finished, the crowd applauded and began to leave the theater. As I walked off the stage, I was bombarded with people. All I could see were people coming towards me thanking me, shaking my hand, and then the real comments began.
“John, I am so proud of you.”
“Thank you so much for being here. I know it took a lot of courage to stand in front of this crowd.”
“I can’t tell you how healing it is for me personally to see you here and to hear your story.”
“John, I can see clearly how some people are really angry with you, but for me personally, the real story is how you have allowed God to work in your life to bring changes that are significant in your approach to loving people. Thank you.”
I was ready to leave and spend time with some friends but I had a very hard time leaving the theater due to people trying to talk with me. There were several opportunities where women came to me just to hug me. Some with tears in their eyes and all they could get out was, “Thank you.”
Some of my theater friends and my wife and I decided to go to a restaurant close by to “process” the evening. As I sat down I mentioned to them that I felt so embarrassed to have them see the “old” John in the film. It was the “preachy” voice of black and white that I used to be that was so hard for me to look at in the film and I felt embarrassed to have them see that person.
One friend, Dot, replied, “John, if I would have known you then, I would have loved you just like I do today.” She went on to say that she felt a tremendous privilege to know me as a friend. Wow! I had a hard time receiving her words and yet it was so comforting to hear them.
As we finished our discussion and began to leave I was grabbed by a lady sitting at a table with a lot of her friends. She said, “John!” She reached out to hug me and I noticed she was one of the news reporters who had interviewed me several times over the years. I attempted to draw her memory to remember that the film was premiered that night. She said, “Oh, I know. John, I want you to know that I knew you way back during the protests and I loved you then, and I love and respect you even more now.” She had such kindness in her eyes something really got to me in her words.
As I went outside, I grabbed Dot and said, “Dot, that news reporter just said the very same thing you said at the table!” I couldn’t miss the obvious message that God had for me in their words. “John, I love you because of who you are, not what you do, or don’t do.”
Some people wonder why I have been a part of these film premiers. Sure, the film is very negative about my ministry work over the years. Yes, there are some who’s interviews include some false information. But, at the same time, their words reflect their perceptions which are very real. One lady told me she could see the out of proportion comments and that I needed to know that it was not all a waste and that good things occurred through the years.
I must also be present to take responsibility for those things that I have done wrong. I felt accountable to be up front, with my face to the crowd, to say to them, “I am sorry for the things that I have said and done that have in any way harmed you.”
One thing I have learned by going through all of the responses, experiences, and reactions to the film is this;
I must continue to control defensiveness in my heart regarding the negativity from others because when I get defensive, my ears close up. It is imperative that I hear their words. This is where I grow to better understand life and people.
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Friday, November 4th, 2011
People Are Missing!
This morning I woke up early and immediately heard the words “People are Missing!” This is what I spend my days thinking about, pondering, and why I spend so much time and energy doing the things I do. Since my wife and I earn part of our living cleaning houses I have an intermittent schedule. I don’t have huge blocks of time where I am in my Grace Rivers office. I am here for an hour here, or 30 minutes there. Sometimes I have a couple of hours at a time to really dig into something, but that is certainly not every day.
But every time I walk up to my office, I have a burden, a heart’s desire, a reason for sitting down at my desk. It is because I am so burdened about people who are missing! They are out there hungry for someone to care. Yes, my greatest burden is for those in the gay community. But today, I just want to call out to anyone who will consider those you know who may need a touch from you today.
What has happened to them? Are they wounded, lost, rejected, or consumed with shame and feeling alone and unsupported? Some may be seeking connections in other places that will not encourage them towards a deeper walk with Jesus. In just a couple of minutes, you can connect someone to the love of God today!
Is your neighbor hoping you will say hello? What about the lady you work with that you’ve been thinking about lately? It could change the course of her entire life if you asked her to have coffee with you. Yes, it is that simple. She likely needs a relationship with someone who will listen to her heart. Safe and caring one on one meetings with the missing could make an invaluable mark on someone else’s life.
That man you said hello to in the hallway so often may be wondering why you have been so friendly. Consider saying more than hello today. The friend you haven’t seen in six months may really need you to go to lunch with them this week. Can you set aside the time and call them today? What about the FaceBook friend that just posted something that appears to be a very challenging situation. A phone call from you could be the very thing that gets them through the day.
People go missing over time. They may be struggling today, decide to stay home this weekend, then as the fears build, their absence becomes a week, then a couple of months, then they go missing and it seems no one notices. Is God bringing them to your mind right now?
Oh, sure, it will take time and certainly the leading of God since this may be a very sensitive thing to do. What are the options? Who is going to leave the 99 to look for the 1? Jesus said He would. Modeling Jesus life may include a choice today to look for the missing one.
Oh, I know all too well the intimidation of getting in touch with someone you haven’t seen in a long time. We all have a little narcissism in us. The fears of rejection can be a barrier to taking the step into someone’s life. Passivity can block us from setting aside a few minutes to call them. And we tell ourselves they don’t want to be bothered, or if they really wanted me in their life they would make that known. We wonder, “what difference could I make?”
Is the life of the missing complicated? Of course it is. Just think for a minute about how complicated your life really is. Do you experience things in your life that you are embarrassed about? Ashamed of? Or fearful and insecure about? Sure you do. How would you want someone to approach you if you were feeling especially lonely today? Maybe you think you want to be alone but what about the time someone did call and afterwards it really made the difference?
Missing people tell themselves they don’t need anyone, or that others don’t want to hear from them. They can learn how to cope without others in their lives. Or, they think their lives don’t matter. Sometimes missing people find crowds to hang around where they appear to be connected but truthfully, the loneliness can be debilitating.
Missing people want to experience unconditional love just like you would. We are all on the same road of life and in our human experience we will not likely see perfection any time soon. The tools of the enemy aren’t that creative. He stands outside the sheep pen with a lure. “Look at what you’ve just done. They are really angry with you. You’re so stupid.” “See how they just rejected you because of what you’ve done.” Or, “Come out here, it’s going to be much better here.” Then after you stray outside the fence, he will use other tactics to keep you estranged. “Look, they don’t even notice you are gone.” Or, “See, they didn’t really want you there anyway.”
After a few people reached into my life when I was missing, I was found. It wasn’t easy, or immediate, but I felt cared for. I really needed to know someone noticed I was missing. I had created a barrier around my life of self protection and shame. But someone reached through my facade.
It’s not necessarily the right thing to invite someone to church, but it is often a great thing to invite someone into your life long enough to say “I care.” It is really important to seek ways to relate to others who will feel really intimidated by gatherings of “religious” folk.
Can you be a bridge builder? How can we connect the lost, the forsaken and the lonely to relationships, growth, and peace in a life with Christ that is rewarding?
Will you ask God to lead you to someone today who needs a touch from Him?
Keep on loving each other as brothers. Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it. Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering. Hebrews 13:1-3
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Friday, October 28th, 2011
So, Fall Harvest is upon us. It is the time to reap from what we have sown. Celebration is in place, baskets are full, and we are blessed.
I remember all through my years as a child my favorite time of the year was the fall. Leaves beautiful, strange comfort coming through the comfort of the season changes and cooler weather. Going to the apple orchards to get cider and to smell the aroma of the decaying leaves.
There is a spiritual harvest as well. This has been a year of digging, sowing, toiling with weeds and blight. but in the end, I am so thankful to see a harvest that has been worth it all. This harvest has come through the lives of people who’s lives have been changed, lifted, and encouraged.
The fall harvest is also a lot of work. We don’t see the fruit come to any kind of meaning unless we close out the year with the harvest process. This last two weeks has been tremendously challenging. I have wrestled with God over what He wants me to do, to say, what I should continue writing. I thought it was best to review some of the more positive comments to regain my focus. What am I doing, why am I doing it, and who am I doing it for?
It’s Time For the Harvest!
As our mission statement reads:
Grace Rivers is a ministry with the gay community that reveals the message of an authentic relationship with Jesus Christ and genuine community with His followers – because every person deserves to know that Jesus loves them.
It was time to send out our third quarter thank you letter this week to our financial supporters. So I compiled some of the comments from those who have been touched by our ministry. This became very helpful for me to refocus, to gain courage, and to continue moving towards this mission. What I see in these comments is a reflection of the power of the Grace of God to change hearts to move towards Him.
Dear Friends,
It is now the end of our third quarter of 2011! My how fast this year is flying by. Instead of words from me about how tremendously thankful I am for you, I thought it might be better for you to hear from those who have been impacted by our ministry. I have captured a selection of comments from individuals that convey the real heart of why I am doing what I am doing.
John
Thank you so much. I have never needed to hear anything so much in my life. I can do this, with God. and he will still love me. Thank you so much. Thank you. David
John,
I just want to let you know that I read your blog about repentance, and all I can say is thank you. That one writing helped me more than everything else I’ve been through in the past several years that was supposed to help me, combined. I had so much shame and guilt inside about who I am, and I never believed I could be good enough for God… I couldn’t even be good enough for myself. So thank you. From the bottom of my heart.
Warm regards, Jim
John,
All I can say is that I did not expect the men and women dressed in the I’m sorry shirts at the Memphis Pride parade to be Christians. That blew my mind, I didn’t know how to react for a minute, that was probably the coolest thing that happened there. I was not being judged by Christians. I was being said sorry too. Still at this very moment every time I think about that I want to cry. I have a lot to say about that moment, but to keep it short and simple I’ll remember that moment of acceptance forever, it’s all I ever really wanted, and it made my day 100 times better.
John,
The hardest segment of my journey has been to re-engage with God. Ultimately, that is my responsibility. I know I love God…oh so much… But the rejection I have experienced has really been the road block to that connection.
John,
Personally I am in a season of learning that my relationship with God is outside of my performance and this is a hard thing to crack as I came from a high-performance background. So although I am not “behaving right” especially in my sexuality, this is not the end of my story. He is changing my view of who He is and who I am. That is the place out of which I can be a Son and live by the Spirit’s direction because I will trust Him.
John
Thank you for your commitment to love… reading your articles recently has made my soul cry – thank you. For the first time in a very long time Ii feel that someone understands me and what I have been going through. I have been fighting for a long time with the question in your last article the yes or no side. I have been giving myself over to God to have his will with me. J.
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Wow! I’ve read through these many times and they still impact me. Removing the roadblocks to God! Sharing the message of value and worth that God says we have in Him! Setting the captives free!
I’ve taught so many messages of freedom and grace in the past. But now, today, in this hour, they have so much more meaning!
These are real lives, real people who are finding a new and deeper connection with God. That is what the gospel of Jesus Christ is all about.
Thank you so much for your financial support. I cannot tell you how much it means to receive your tangible sign of love. Please pray for me, for us. God has His hand on us in a very special and significant way.
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I want to also share with you an excerpt from a letter I received that amazed me. I felt so reassured after reading this response.
Dear John,
Just wanted to let you know I saw the part of a recent interview and was moved to tears. I haven’t talked too much about this (in the circles we’ve run with, it’s scary!) but God has had me EXACTLY in the place you seem to be in this past 6 months.
So much of what I’ve been taught in fundamental, evangelical, legalism has created an environment of judgment and criticism and even hatred for people (not just gay people, but lots of other people) who God loves passionately. The Holy Spirit is increasingly teaching me that I’m not here to “fix” anyone. I’m just here to love them unconditionally, as He does. He is a lot less worried about their sexuality, or political alliance, or anything else along those lines, than He is their (my) heart and having it completely.
I can completely trust that He will deal with anything in our lives that He wants to rid us of that is unpleasing to Him, but only after He has our hearts. And what lover would ever woo us to him/her by judging, criticizing, etc.? Would you run into the arms of that lover? I sure wouldn’t! But He doesn’t do that. He loves, courts, woos us to Him by his passionate unconditional love. And on the day we draw our last breath, He’ll still be loving us just as unconditionally and passionately regardless of whether or not we chose to walk away from ANY sin we struggled with in our time on earth.
Good grief, if our entrance into Heaven is determined by how victorious we are over sin on this side, we’re all doomed! Thank goodness it’s only determined by our response to His grace! Anyway – off the soapbox now… Just wanted to tell you how much I support you, love you, and am so blessed by your courage and humility in the Lord to speak truth specifically into areas where you have been publicly on the other side.
God is honored, John, and we can all learn a lesson from watching you say in essence (to the whole world), ‘I was wrong. I am sorry. Will you please forgive me?” I have loved you and Vileen for so long, but I love you much more now. I wanted you to know that God has several of us on this journey (and it feels really uncomfortable to me, but also really freeing).
I have experienced a lot of feelings of guilt, as if I’m betraying someone or something by opening my heart and mind to this REAL truth (which has been in the Word right in front of my eyes) I am hesitant to share this journey with many people because so many of my fundamental evangelical legalistic buddies just don’t get it (yet..). Won’t they be surprised to meet up in Heaven with all these people they assumed were not God-followers?
Enough rambling… just wanted to say I love you, support you, and am really proud of you.
Thank you so much, all of you who have written to encourage us. I believe with all of my heart that God has me on a tremendous journey that has His stamp all over it! I know He is working all things together for good and that there is a purpose and a potential outcome that is right in the center of His heart.
I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. I Cor. 3:6
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Friday, October 21st, 2011
Wow, that was sure unexpected!
We’ve had over 5000 hits on our website in just six days connected to the article I wrote on October 7th. (Where is the Repentance?) I’ve been on “Hardball with Chris Matthews” and featured in a cover story in our local paper “The Memphis Flyer”. Our own local channel five has done an interview with me.
The thrust of my message is:
“There is room at the table for gay people. God loves all of His children.”
I can’t imagine what many of my readers might be thinking, but from some of the comments and emails I have received I do get a glimpse of the reactions.
Some have been positive, some certainly have been challenging, and some have been quite negative. I am sure if you are reading this you had your own reaction. I want to begin with a little foundational information.
A Full Life of Work
Last week when my grandson was at his volunteer job and was asked to pull a nail out of a board the coordinator began to tell him how to do it. His response was “I’ve done that before. You know, this isn’t my first rodeo.”
Suffice it to say that for over 50 years of my personal life homosexuality has impacted me at a very deep soul level. While I do not have any official degree at all, my life work has been in this area of study. It is as though I have my undergrad, graduate, and doctoral degrees in the issue of Homosexuality.
This is very often something that so few people really understand because they haven’t experienced it. Well, from a very up close, and personal level, I have experienced it. Sometimes it is very difficult to describe what this is all about with someone who just can’t fathom an attraction to someone of the same sex. For some it is just plain repulsive so there is little desire to get very close to the matter and it becomes easier to just point a finger and say “Stop it!”
I have spent virtually my entire vocational experience with the lives of men and women who are homosexual. For over 25 years I’ve read, I’ve listened, I’ve studied and I’ve invested my heart, mind, and soul into the issues of homosexuality as well as my life of the last 30 years of being a committed Christian. Knowing personally, hundreds of people and hearing their stories has indelibly marked me with heartbreak, frustration, confusion, and a deep desire to find answers from God on what to do.
For the last three and a half years I have prayed, wrestled, studied the word of God, and opened my eyes and ears to some very different experiences than I have had ever before. I have had deep angst in my soul from what God was showing me. At times this manifested in sleepless nights wrangling with the Holy Spirit and my own flesh over the challenges that I have been going through.
Through many divine appointments from God I have had a tremendous opportunity to be an olive branch for wounded souls and Christ’s redeeming love. Making amends and saying I’m sorry has become a daily practice for me. I recognize that over the years it has been very difficult for me to make amends and I was often tempted into defensiveness. I’ve learned how to listen better without making excuses and offer amends when the Spirit of God revealed to me it was important to do so.
So, I have been writing my story and sharing it with whomever wants to read it. I have been processing my very personal transformation in life outwardly for all to see. You know, we are all on a journey, aren’t we? A journey isn’t static for any of us. A friend said the other day, “John, do you want to end up in front of Jesus exactly the same as you are today, or do you want to grow as long as you are on this earth?” Of course, my answer is to “grow”. This is the transforming life in Christ, the journey of sanctification that we can embark upon if we are up to the challenge.
I have heard many kinds of reactions to my journey. The ones that affect me most are from those who know me most personally. Some have personally asked me questions about my thoughts. These are wonderful opportunities that help to round out my process and to think more deeply. Some have allowed me to talk, enabling further verbal processing of my thoughts.
However, there are others that have primarily met with me most of all just to share their own ideology and opinions. These are most challenging because they aren’t discussions, but rather they can be one sided preaching sessions very often with closed ears from both sides. Then there are those who are silent and seem to remove themselves from the conflict quietly.
In any case, this road is not easy. I am on the end of a pin it seems, or maybe better described as a razor blade. On each side is danger. Danger of the paralysis of fear, danger of falling into personal harm, danger of harming others and the danger of removing myself completely by doing nothing. My life has never been an easy one. It seems that I am often embroiled in some kind of challenge or conflict. However, I cannot say I’ve ever been comfortable with the “status quo.” This motivates me to change, to grow and hopefully embrace the transformation process with Jesus.
Yes? Or No? Please answer me!
I find that most often I am faced with “closed ended questions” that would only allow for a “yes” or “no” answer. I have recently discovered that Jesus was asked about 25 closed ended questions. As I read the gospels in the New Testament I can easily see now how Jesus was pinned into a corner by the Pharisees asking Him to answer their questions with a “yes or no”. He didn’t answer them like they wanted Him to and always went to the higher ground of a kingdom focus. This is what I have tried to do only to find that many are not satisfied without me giving them an absolute yes or no answer.
Often when I am looking for a yes or no answer I am trying to discern if someone is on my “side.” We all want the comfort of having others on our side. But is that the most important goal? Or, I want to know where someone stands so that I can figure out where they are on a particular issue or thought. The end result of the answers can then reveal how I want to treat them. If they are for me, then I can move in, if they are against me, then I am tempted to move out.
When I realized this was the issue, it gave me some pause to think about what I have been writing and why I have gotten some of the responses I have. People want me to answer their questions simply, with conviction that matches theirs, and certainly with a “yes or no” answer. I clearly understand that now. However I also fully realize that I cannot do that. Homosexuality isn’t as simple as “did Jesus rise from the dead?” It is very complex because people are very complex. We do not fit into nice neat little boxes of “yes and no.”
One side says “John, do you believe homosexuality is sin? ” The other side says “John, have you come out?”
I say, God is always at work in me. These are the kinds of questions that I cannot answer with a simple yes or no. In the articles that I have written I’ve tried to talk about the “journey” in my life. I have written about Christ’s redemptive process in our lives no matter where we have been or what we have done. I have emphasized forgiveness, patience, and kindness with those who experience homosexuality. Jesus has been clear with us about taking the plank out of our own eye before trying to remove the speck from our brother’s.
I have talked about the definitions of the word “homosexuality” being vague, sloppy, and indiscernible. I have tried to bring forth the struggle with the semantics of this question and how it can end up in confusion, judgment, and certainly a lack of understanding. We will not get anywhere until we have more clarity of the terms we are using.
Some within the Christian community want me to just say “homosexuality is sin.” Some challenge me with their thoughts that I have lost my mind! While some within the Christian gay community are saying I haven’t come far enough and that I have to pay dearly for my mistakes from the past. They want me to say that God is excited about it when they find a gay relationship.
How can I please all sides? Of course I cannot. I wrestle with fear, insecurity, and certainly ongoing questions for my Father. I think if anything, this is a season where God is building a more solid relationship between Him and me. He is rooting out some more of my habit of being a “people pleaser.”
Needless to say, this is very complex and there isn’t a simple answer. I have spent many hours writing, thinking, praying and sorting out my history. I struggle with wanting to continue writing in an attempt to be more clear. But I am finding that at this point I have written all I can write and must step back and seek God some more. This doesn’t mean I am finished, I have plenty more in my heart to say. But I need to gain God’s leading for the next “chapter.”
Is Jesus Lord?
The most important thing of all for us as believers to remember is to remain in the Potter’s hands! The journey of our walk with Him must include a submission to His work in us. Loving God first includes a willingness to allow Him to be our Lord. This is a very personal matter for me and I hope for you as well.
In Andrew Marin’s book, Love is an Orientation, Billy Graham is attributed to saying:
“It is the Holy Spirit’s job to convict, God’s job to judge, and our job to love.”
Boy, I need to get into the business of loving! Jesus said that we are to love Him, and love each other.
I’ll address some other questions in a later post. Fasten your seat belt. We are on a journey through a rocky road! If you have the courage, come along with me.
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Friday, October 14th, 2011
It’s Friday and I am preparing to send out my weekly communication to you all. I didn’t complete an article this week. Oh, I have written a seven page item but as I ponder this week I am not ready to send it out.
I sent an article (Where is the Repentance) last week that included many things I have previously said over the last couple of years. I was encouraged by a friend to publicize an answer to a question I received and I did just that. Little did I know that it would go “viral” within internet circles.
Statistics reveal that there have been over 3000 “hits” on that writing.
It was reposted on FaceBook, websites, and personal blogs 100’s of times. Many people have written comments publicly, and I’ve heard from people personally.
Some have said “hurray”! Others have been ponderous and have further questions. There have been the warnings of caution regarding my journey of searching God for His thoughts and answers to my questions. And yes, I have received a couple of rebukes that I have embraced a different “gospel.” Someone even called me to tell me that I am in threat of losing my salvation sharing that in their theology that can happen and they are in fear for my soul.
Needless to say, I’ve been very busy this week. We’ve had a busier than normal work schedule cleaning homes. We had some social engagements that have hit us all at once. Our family has gone through some internal challenges that have impacted us at a deeper emotional level, having nothing to do with the article or people’s responses.
Vileen and I have spent a much larger portion of our time talking about all of the things we are facing right now in our lives. It has been a really good thing. We are grappling through some very challenging, and personal matters with each other.
Due to God’s grace, and our love for each other, we are not at odds with each other and none of our conversations has even come close to an emotional outburst, or shutting down. We are searching God’s heart together for his answers, His truth, and His grace for all people.
I’ve had some great discussions with close friends. I’ve had an ongoing dialogue with someone who has said she disagrees with some of what I have been communicating, but that our friendship transcends our disagreement and God’s love for each of us is clear.
Yep, it’s been a very busy week and its’ not over yet. Several more things to go to, to finish, and to sort through over this coming weekend.
In the end, I hang onto this truth. God loves you, He loves me, His grace is sufficient.
He has an awesome plan of redemption through Jesus Christ if we hang on, remain steadfast, and receive what He desires for us.
And, to remind us all, our viewpoints on homosexuality are secondary to His gospel and there is room for discussion on secondary issues.
Posted in Uncategorized | 12 Comments »
Tuesday, October 11th, 2011
An Introduction to Andrew Marin
Three years ago I learned that an acquaintance of mine was asking for support and prayer about his desire to work with a ministry in Chicago. I did some research on what he was pursuing and found it was a ministry that somehow was connected to the gay community.
As I thought about his desire and knowing he had wrestled with homosexuality, I was hesitant to any positive feelings about what he was pursuing. At that time in my life I was absolutely not open to anyone being aligned with any ministry with the gay community. Since I had known many men and women who had come to embrace their homosexuality I feared he was doing the same thing. Instead of just shutting his request out, I decided to write him and ask for more clarity on what he wanted to do.
He sent me a letter and a book written by the man who led the ministry he was pursuing. It was called “Love is An Orientation” by Andrew Marin. I sat down and read his book and found a very interesting story and testimonies of those who had come into great conflict with their sexuality and Christianity. This is how Andrew describes his ministry:
The Marin Foundation is working to build bridges between the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender community and the Church -through education, research, and diverse community gatherings. The President of the foundation, Andrew Marin, seeks to elevate the conversation between these two groups so that true healing can occur.
Andrew and his wife made the decision to live in Boystown, a gay community in Chicago. He wanted desperately to better understand the feelings and life experience of the gay community. The outcome of his experience was finding that there are many lost children of the faith and those who completely resist thoughts of Christianity because of the rejection of gay folks by church communities all around the country.
Love Is An Orientation
Andrew’s book seemed a close parallel to what I had written in my book draft, “A Journey of Grace”. It seemed that Andrew had found it in his heart to be honest about his own life experience, listen to those he began to care deeply about, and to respect them as people.
At a conference two years ago, I met Andrew in person. He has experienced a tremendous amount of rejection himself. Many within the church communities he has connected with have rejected his message of listening to and respecting gay people. Learning to see the greater picture of Jesus’ message of Loving one another, Andrew has begun to span the globe with his challenge to the church to practice what Jesus taught about love and respect.
I had an opportunity to have a lengthy conversation with Andrew about a year ago. He was delightful, insightful, and certainly carried much passion for those who are really hurting who live in the tension of their sexuality and their faith.
One day a provocative picture showed up all over the internet. It was dubbed “hugging the man in the white underwear.” It was taken at a “gay pride parade” where Andrew and his folks held signs that said “I’m sorry” referring to their apology for how the church communities had treated homosexuals wrongly. Basically, “I’m sorry for how the church has treated you.”
I hugged a man in his underwear. I think Jesus would have too.
Some friends and I, with The Marin Foundation, spent the day at Chicago’s (Gay) Pride Parade. We wore shirts that said “I’m Sorry,” and carried signs that said, “I’m sorry that Christians judge you,” and “I’m sorry the way churches have treated you.” Amidst religious protesters screaming hateful rhetoric into megaphones at participants, we wanted to share a different message.
I loved watching people’s faces as they saw our shirts, read the signs, and looked back at us. Responses were incredible. Some people blew us kisses, some hugged us, some screamed thank you. A couple ladies walked up and said we were the best thing they had seen all day. I wish I had counted how many people hugged me. One guy in particular softly said, “Well, I forgive you.”
Watching people recognize our apology brought me to tears many times. It was reconciliation personified. My favorite though, was a gentleman dancing on a float. He was dressed only in white underwear and had a pack of abs like no one else. As he was dancing he noticed us and jokingly yelled, “What are you sorry for? It’s pride!” I pointed to our signs and watched him read them. Then it clicked. Then he got it. He stopped dancing, became very serious, and jumped off of the float to run towards us. He and his beautiful sweat drenched abs hugged me and whispered, “thank you.”
Before I had even let go, another guy ran up to me, kissed me on the cheek, and gave me a bear hug that nearly knocked the wind out of me. This is why I do what I do. This is why I will continue to do what I do.
I think a lot of people would stop at the whole “man in his underwear dancing” part. That seems to be the most controversial. It’s what makes the evening news. It’s the stereotype most people have in their minds about Pride.
Sadly, a lot of religious groups want to run from such a sight rather than engage it. Most people won’t even learn if that person dancing in his underwear has a name. Well, he does. His name is Tristan.
However, I think Jesus would have hugged him too. There are churches that say they accept all. There are businesses that say they accept everyone. But acceptance isn’t enough. Reconciliation is. And when there isn’t reconciliation, there isn’t full acceptance.
Reconciliation is more painful; it’s more difficult. Reconciliation forces one to remember the wrongs committed and relive constant pain. Yet it’s more powerful and transformational because two parties that should not be together and have every right to hate one another come together for the good of one another, for forgiveness and unity.
What I saw and experienced at Pride 2010 was the beginning of reconciliation. It was in the shocked faces of gay men and women who did not ever think they’d receive an apology from a Christian.
I hugged a man in his underwear. I hugged him tightly. And I am proud.
I’ve Heard Their Tears
I have pondered this all through the months and recognize that I have also heard the pain, experienced those who have felt the very same way. I had a meeting with some local leaders in our own Memphis gay community. In the meeting we connected on how often teens struggle deeply with being gay. Their hearts are so alone and far too often, the church community doesn’t understand and therefore become antagonistic with their experiences. Far too many young people who are wrestling with something so very confusing have nowhere to go where they feel heard, understood, and accepted.
Amazingly, these leaders and I connected at a very deep level of understanding. We could agree that something had to be done to bridge the gap, to open our ears to listen.
Memphis Gay Pride and the “I’m Sorry Campaign”.
Two weeks ago I received an invitation through FaceBook to a speaking engagement coming up in Memphis. Andrew Marin will be speaking at Rhodes College on Thursday, October 13th. He will continue through the weekend while attending our own local Memphis Gay Pride parade. The “I’m Sorry” campaign will be represented right here in the middle of the “Bible Belt” of Tennessee.
I contacted the coordinators of the event and was invited to attend a planning meeting for the “I’m Sorry” Campaign. I was curious as to who, in Memphis, would be interested in such an outreach. I pondered in my mind picturing some parents of gay children being motivated but thought it would be a small meeting attendance. It was being led by a gay man which brought up some other pictures in my mind as to whom might be there.
As I drove into the driveway of a home in middle Memphis I found two young men sitting on the porch and asked them if this was the place for the meeting and they greeted me with an affirmative response.
As I entered, I was the first person there and engaged in some introductory small talk with the man in charge. He was quite friendly and said he expected their might be 15 to twenty people coming. In just a few minutes a flood of energetic younger folks came into the room. They were married couples and singles most of which were under 35 years old. They were straight, Christian, conservative, and clearly developed a very affectionate relationship with each other as well as the gay man leading this endeavor.
I came to find out that they were primarily a part of a missional community to reach the inner city with the love of Christ. They were curious and desirous of learning more about how to love those in the gay community.
The leader asked me to share my story with the group. Afterwards we walked through some practice scenarios in preparation for the event. Then someone approached me with some heartfelt words.
“John, I have known of you and your former ministry for many years. I judged you as being legalistic, and at times maybe even hateful. I had no use for you or your ministry. After hearing your heart tonight, I want to ask you for forgiveness for the way I had judged you without even knowing you. I deeply appreciate what you have shared tonight and am thankful to know you as a person now.”
I was shocked, and caught off guard. This man was so forthright, and humble. What is amazing is that I experienced firsthand and up front and personal the spirit of the “I’m Sorry” campaign.
I was thrilled that in this energetic community of believers they had found fellowship with one another and included a gay man into their lives as Christians. The gathering of Christ followers felt so normal, so congruent! There were no awkward feelings even though we were discussing homosexuality, the gay community, and Christ’s love for all people. I felt very much at ease and free. This will be an awesome group of people to meet the gay community through Andrew’s ministry efforts.
I’m Sorry
This week is flooded with meetings and events surrounding Andrew’s arrival in Memphis. I am going to as many of these events as I can attend. I will be at the Gay Pride Parade with the “I’m Sorry” folks. I want to say to the gay community in a very public way:
“I’m sorry for the way I have been a part of the rejection, the confusion and the judgment that has come into your life.”
I am thankful that my friend introduced me to Andrew Marin. He was successful in his desire to work with Andrew and is making a difference in Chicago. I am proud of his pursuit of Christ’s message of Love!
If you have interest in further pursuing Andrew’s ministry please check out his website:
http://www.loveisanorientation.com/
If you want to read more of my writing on homosexuality, click here.
Posted in Uncategorized | 8 Comments »
Friday, October 7th, 2011
John,
I have been reading your posts since the beginning. Every week I have more questions. I’m sorry, I don’t understand where repentance fits into all of this. I don’t mean to be harsh….I just honestly don’t understand.
Are you saying homosexuality isn’t wrong or are you saying it is wrong, but we have to be patient while God’s goodness brings the homosexual to repentance? I see that you are saying homosexuals can be Christians, but can they remain that way…never expecting a change?
A Dear Friend
Dear Friend,
Thanks for your question. I know you have been reading through the blogs and appreciate your willingness to read them.
You have asked a very difficult question to answer. In order to understand homosexuality, and Christianity, it is important to look at the much larger picture of our faith.
Repentance from something means it has to be something you can control, like actions.
So often people will say someone needs to “repent” from homosexuality. It is something that actually cannot be repented of! People are, or they are not, homosexual. It is an intrinsic part of their being or personally, my being. One cannot repent of something that is unchangeable. I have gone through a tremendous amount of grief over the many years that I spoke of change, repentance, reorientation and such, when, barring some kind of miracle, none of this can occur with homosexuality. The article today is a great example of how we as Christians pervert the gospel as it relates to homosexuality as though homosexuals aren’t welcome in the kingdom unless they repent (which many interpret to change). But since homosexuality is not “repentable” then we put homosexuals into an impossible bind. (I’ve written another article that also addresses the subject of repentance – Click Here to read it.)
Surely, indiscriminate sexual behavior, stealing, gossip, and other “behaviors” are things that need to be considered when we speak of walking in the kingdom of God. God desires to transform us into His image more and more each day. But in the larger story of the gospel, biblical repentance means to turn our lives to God’s kingdom and away from the kingdom of the world. To change our allegiance from the god of this age, to the Lord of Lords! In this repentance, it allows God to be in the forefront of our lives and we decide to allow His kingdom to reign in us. Therefore we enter into a road of change, transformation. The issue then is what will that change look like for each of us. Yes, there are homosexuals that make dramatic changes in their lives as they walk through the transformation process with Jesus. I have heard story after story of changes that have occurred as men and women find the grace of God in their lives as homosexual people. But, I’m sorry, this transformation process may not meet the expectations of many Christians. I also want to reiterate here that the transformation for the vast majority of homosexuals will not include a change of sexual orientation. Actually I’ve never met a man who experienced a change from homosexual to heterosexual. I have met some women who claim that is the case but then again, male sexuality and female sexuality are vastly biologically different so this would not be a fair comparison.
I have met men who find their transformation to include marriage to a woman and having a family and it is something for them that is a wonderful life experience. I’ve met some who find their transformation to include satisfaction in living a single life in Christ and His calling. But, I’ve also met some who experience transformation from sexual promiscuity to a faithful gay relationship that is truly, in their experience, a great blessing to their relationship with Christ. Oh, I understand the controversy in all of this.
How would you answer the question: “Which is worse, two men who have been in a faithful committed relationship for 30 years, or a heterosexual who has been married five times?”
Well, often the Christian would immediately go to the homosexual couple. But, I would say neither is worse. First of all, I cannot judge one from the other because Jesus needs to judge the heart. But on a practical level, I would say the homosexual couple show a tremendous amount of work on maintaining a relationship, through faithfulness and sacrifice, to remain committed for so long. Any relationship that lasts 30 years is an amazing feat! The person who has been married five times shows some significant issues with unhealthiness. Five marriages is certainly on the fringe of a lot of damage personally and with many who are family and friends of this person. How would you prescribe these two scenarios to repent? Do you know what the person who has been married five times needs to repent of? What does the homosexual couple need to repent of?
From a spiritual standpoint, I also believe the homosexual couple could be more faithful in their walk with Christ than the person married five times – and yet……
The person married five times could also have a walk with Jesus that might be very intimate even though they exhibit relationally unhealthy practices.
We cannot grade homosexuality in its own separate category. It’s a shame, as followers of Christ, that we’ve been so judgmental and arrogant with so many people that we deem “unrepentant” because of our homosexual prejudice.
When I was in San Francisco this year a man made the statement: “John, you know who most of the gays are in San Francisco, they are wounded Christians.” Oh, my gosh! I think he may be right! They have been thrown out of most churches and have sought out someplace where they would feel connected, wanted and maybe loved.
My dear friend, this is a very tough issue and I am trudging through some very deep waters trying to better understand God’s heart on this matter. I have now gone around the world listening to Him, listening to the stories, seeing the tears of rejection in some, and the peace of God’s love in others. This is so different than I always thought in my small world of ex-gay ministry. And yes, it was a small world because I made it small. I was completely unwilling to hear anything that didn’t fit my paradigm. I blocked out anyone’s life story or biblical teaching that didn’t match up with what I believed.
When I was at LiA I never taught a session on the scriptures regarding homosexuality that I understood. I know that sounds strange but it is true. I didn’t teach them because I really had never studied them for myself. I merely quoted what I saw that others had written on the issue. I felt an obligation to at least teach something on what the Bible said, but every time I attempted to study it for myself it made no sense to me and I just went back to the writings of others within the ex-gay subculture.
Now that I am not submerged into one sided perspectives, I am open to studying and reading the scriptures for myself, I am finding so many rich truths that I wasn’t ever made aware of before. For the first time in all of these years, the scriptures that many have said refer to homosexuality are making sense! I am reading them in context. I am asking questions about who the passages were written to. I am asking what was being talked about, and why the words were written in the first place.
That illusive word – “Change”
Now to the other part of your question. If there is a change to be made, it has to be from Christ! If the gay man or woman is alienated from Christ because of the judgment they perceive coming from the church then we are placing a burden on them that they are not meant to carry. Many times the church community sends the message that homosexuality is dirty, perverted, broken, and at times even a psychological defect. So, many homosexuals come to think they have to clean themselves up according to “our” standards in order for us to receive them into our pews and nurture them.
I am facing a challenging season in my life, my friend. I am at great risk of believers who have known me for many years rejecting me because I am daring enough to ask the questions I never would ask before. To be honest not many within the church are open to these kinds of discussions without being defensive and reactionary. I stand to lose some very close friends because I have chosen to unconditionally love gay people and to support them now without pressuring them to “change.” Someone has to take the fall for these folks whom Christ loves and desires a closeness with. I am willing to stand in the gap.
As I said, for many years I was unwilling to hear the hearts, the stories of so many gay people who were lost and afraid. I repeated the message “you can come here (to our program) if you want to change” and yet the matter of change was so ambiguous that no one could possibly have met the mark that was expected. For the homosexual, the word change is deeply misunderstood and most often mis-communicated by the church.
Oh, I wish you could have been where I have been to hear the hearts and to experience what I have in the last two to three years. The sad thing is that many Christians would have not been willing to have walked the streets I have walked on out of the fear they would be “condoning” sin, or that they might have heard things they didn’t want to hear.
I was one of those Christians!
As I walked into a conference two years ago with Christians who were gay, my life flashed before me. I was very anxious and concerned about what others would think if they knew that I was there. I didn’t talk about having been there for a while and certainly not with certain people. My friend, what’s up with that? Why should I have such a deep fear of what others might think about me sharing space with Christians who are gay? What kind of legalism is that rooted in? What does that say about my own heart?
Now, to your second question,
So, John, are you a homosexual who lived as a heterosexual for all of these years or a heterosexual who was living as a homosexual?
I am on my own road of discovery in this area. I used to define homosexuality or heterosexuality in terms describing one’s behavior. I thought it made sense and through the years often wrote articles and talked from that perspective.
Today, I understand why the gay community had such an issue with my writings. My perspective denied so many facets of the homosexual experience. I minimized a person’s life to just their sexuality but homosexuality is much more than sex.
There are perversions that occur just because of one’s lust and a breakdown of morality. These are the perversions that I think you may be speaking of. Men and women are certainly capable of extremes sexually such as in prostitution, pornographic exhibitionism and others. However, today I do not paint homosexuality into that broad brush. There are surely men and women who act in homosexual behavior but may not be intrinsically homosexual, but I would say that the vast majority of those who consider themselves gay would not fit in the “perversion” category.
As to the question at hand, I would consider myself homosexual and yet in a marriage with a woman. My sexual desires, attractions and lifelong struggle with common factors relating to homosexuality are pretty much all in the classification of homosexual. Someone once described this type of scenario a “mixed orientation marriage”. When I heard this term it sent me into quite the internal process. In many ways it answered many questions that had plagued me for many years. Now I had something that finally effectively described my personal experience with being married.
I am who I am, she is who she is.
I am homosexual, my wife is heterosexual. This creates a unique marriage experience that many do not understand. For many years I tried to fit into the box of heterosexuality. I tried my hardest to create heterosexuality in my life but this also created a lot of shame, a sense of failure, and discouragement. Nothing I did seemed to change me into a heterosexual even though I was in a marriage that included heterosexual behavior. Very often when I am in situations with heterosexual men I clearly see that there are facets of our lives that are distinctively different as it relates to our sexuality, and other things as well.
There is no question, I love my wife. God has worked powerfully in and through our relationship. The fact that she married me in the first place knowing of my past homosexual promiscuity said something quite profound about her love for me. Which, by the way, was not an enabling, “I can fix him” kind of relationship. My wife has never tried to fix me or change me in that area of our relationship. She truly unconditionally loves me. But this doesn’t change the fact that I am who I am and she is who she is.
This is why I say things like “you can’t repent of homosexuality.” In traditional homosexuality it appears that it is intrinsic to a person’s fabric of life. Nature or nurture, it is far to complicated to have a definitive answer for the origin of homosexuality. However, I hear story after story of men and women who accept themselves as being gay, in Christ, and finally find that life makes sense to them. Many are able to then nurture an authentic relationship with Christ because they are being honest and authentic with themselves and finally are able to accept His love unconditionally which changes the dynamic of their understanding of Him. Far too many homosexuals who are seeking Christ perceive that they cannot come close to Him if they remain a homosexual. In this mindset they search feverishly for change that will not come to them.
This kind of searching can lead to deep depression, discouragement and often an alienation from God!
Commonly when a homosexual finds God’s amazing love for them as they are, their perversion diminishes, their promiscuity decreases or goes away completely, and at times they accept being single or they may find a God centered relationship that also seems to be healthy and faithful.
There is a lot of negative power in someone who feels ashamed of their homosexuality, guilt from misunderstood aspects of their lives that they have no control over.
I hope this helps.
Anyway, I hope you will consider what I have written. I have loved you as a sister for all of these years. I am really trying to gain God’s heart for all of this and I am willing to allow Him to show me His truth.
John
Posted in Articles by John Smid, Get Into John's Head, Mailbag Responses, Uncategorized | 42 Comments »
Friday, September 30th, 2011
I have been passionate about the Christian celebration of The Lord’s Supper for many years. During our recent trip to England we attended a retreat where a minister from Scotland taught a message about communion before we celebrated the elements together.
His message got me thinking again about how many people wrestle with their hearts during a communion time at church. Originally meant to be a reminder of the Passover, and in Christ, a message of the gospel of freedom, far to many people feel uninvited to partake even though they may “eat” anyway.
A retreat where there were many gay men and women who are Christians were attending, the minister shared his heart and invited them to partake. He passed around a large loaf of bread and encouraged us to take a piece that would compare to our understanding of God’s love for us. He talked about how often people will take a tiny crumb while Jesus promises He will provide enough for all to take.
Tears began to flow from both the wounds of rejection, and the gratitude of inclusion while the elements were taken. My heart was grieved when I pondered how many people are hurting and how much Jesus wants them to be embraced.
Communion is an element that is commonly shared throughout the world as a symbol of our faith. Sadly, it is also something that can keep us separated in disunity as well.
Please read my thoughts on Communion, The Lord’s Supper, and ponder for yourself – who’s invitation is it?
The Bread and The Cup – Fear or Celebration
When I was a young boy I remember sitting on the aisle of the long pew at church while people walked forward for communion. In order to maintain my composure of remaining quiet I watched all of the shoes. High heels of many colors, shapes and sizes mixed in with large black men’s shoes, kept my mind busy while I reverently looked down as though I was praying. Well, that’s what I was told to do.
Communion?
One of the most central sacraments to our Christian faith is Communion. What is it, where does it fit within our Christian experience, doctrine, and belief? What do we know about it, how have our experiences with this sacrament, shared by those all around the globe, shaped our Christian walk? There are numerous teachings about how to take communion, where to take communion, and who should take communion. What have we learned about ourselves, others, and the church through this symbolic expression?
As I got to the right age as a young Catholic, I was taught about the miraculous transaction of the “host” and the “cup” mysteriously into the body and blood of Christ. It was kind of like other mysteries in life like Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy! I just accepted it as something I would never truly understand but the nuns and priests prepared us for the amazing day where we would walk through a rite of passage to our “First Communion”.
At the right age, as we practiced our walk many times, we were now ready for the real thing. We got all dressed up in our suits and ties, the girls in their frilly lace dresses, white gloves, and shiny paten leather shoes All together in our pews lined up as we had planned, we could now walk up the aisle like all of those ladies and men had done every Sunday as I watched their shoes go by my pew. It was an exciting time, and we all perceived we had accomplished a great new phase in life.
A Wafer Dipped in Wine?
At that very young age communion was not much more than part of the church service but I’ll never forget the taste of the wafer thin “host” as it entered my mouth. It was kind of like the breath fresheners today as they melt in between your tongue and the roof of your mouth. They called it bread but it resembled something quite different than bread to me. It was far too thin to call it bread. I was told that the nuns made it and couldn’t imagine how they could possibly make these little dime sized paper thin wafers by the hundreds in preparation for each Sunday.
I can’t say that taking communion was a spiritual experience for me throughout my childhood, but I faithfully partook each Sunday, since my dad made sure we were there every week. One thing I did think about was that it seemed to be a privilege since it seemed we had to “qualify” in order to take it. There was the initial series of teachings and what seemed to be a graduation for our First Communion.
Then, there were ongoing qualifiers like we had to go to confession to make sure our sins were forgiven. We also couldn’t eat before church because there had to be an hour of fasting before taking communion. It seemed that Jesus needed a clean stomach before his body and blood entered into it. At the time I think I clearly understood Him not wanting to mush around in my breakfast remnants.
For Common Man?
How did this play a role in my foundation of understanding communion? Well, I can say that it led me to believe that communion was not for the common man, but rather only certain people could walk up that aisle. They had to pass a test, be reverent, clear their consciences, and clean their stomachs, and beat their fists against their chests three times when the bells rung before they could follow the plan to “Take, eat, this is My body.” There were so many rituals surrounding this mysterious event during the Sunday Mass.
A Ritual, A Rite?
I grew to think of communion as nothing more than a ritual, a rite and something that seemed to be an integral part of the Christian life. But later on as my church associations changed, my thoughts of communion also changed. When I went to a new “kind” of church it seemed they had different kind of communion. The shape changed! The “cup” changed. Now they had you stay in your pew and the ushers passed the plates around for each person. We now had a little “chiclet” shaped piece of bread and a thimble sized cup. It just wasn’t the same as being personally served and the wafer melting in my mouth that the Catholic experience held for me. The little cup was different too. As a Catholic I never tasted the cup. The Priest dunked the wafer into the wine when I was little.
The Pastor would stand up front before the ushers passed around the plates. He would typically charge us with clearing our consciences. During some church services I had experienced it also seemed that some people who may have been sitting with us were told they might consider not eating with us if they were in trouble with God, or others. There was often beautiful music playing during the passing of the plates and as I looked around it seemed everyone was in deep prayer, or pretending to be, while they waited for the entire congregation to be “served”.
What? He Didn’t Take it Today
There were times when I wondered if maybe I shouldn’t take communion. I mean, there were many times when I didn’t feel as though I was in a great spiritual place, or that something had been going wrong in my life. But, oh, my gosh, what would someone around me think if they noticed I hadn’t taken communion? They would know that I was in a bad space and think awful thoughts about my life. I know because one time I noticed someone next to me didn’t “partake” and I wondered what was wrong with them. What could be so awful that you wouldn’t take communion? Then I had another thought, they must have been “spiritual giants” in order to go against the flow and actually do like the pastor said, and not eat if we had something wrong in our lives. At least they were honest enough to evaluate their lives deeply. So, I tried to stop judging them and think of them in a better light.
So, the ritual of communion continued throughout my many years of Christian experience and my walk of faith. I really never thought of the fear and intimidation that often went alongside the “Communion Table” until I evaluated communion all together. This was until I had my first “Passover Seder” experience.
You might say, what is a “Passover”?
I have found that many Christians don’t know what a Passover Seder is. I didn’t know until I went to my first one. It was at this special event that I learned where communion came from. I learned that when Jesus spoke of eating His body, and drinking His blood, He was speaking at a Passover meal with His disciples. This sheds a whole new light on the bread and the cup! I now saw that it was actually a full meal where He talked about bread and wine.
My Pastor Says!
Later on, I was involved in hosting a Passover Seder. I invited an older woman to the special event. I explained that the Passover Seder had now become one of my favorite holidays each year. She looked at me and said, “What is a Passover Seder?” Much to my surprise since this lady had been a Christian for fifty years. I explained that it was a “glorified” communion service. She thought for a minute and responded to my invitation. “Oh, John, I’ll have to ask my pastor if I can come. He says we aren’t supposed to take communion at any other church than our own.” She then asked if I was ordained as a minister since she was also taught that only ordained men are to serve communion.
I was shocked at what she had said because it sounded so strange to me. She had been taught that there was something so religious about communion that she actually felt fearful about coming to the Seder without her pastor’s permission! Much to her relief, her pastor gave her permission to attend the Seder.
Where Did All of the Rules Come From?
Wow, this led me to do further thinking about this whole communion thing. I realized that for many Christians, fear was tightly woven into the communion experience. The very symbol of the death and resurrection of Christ and the freedom He bought for us had turned into bondage for so many followers of Christ.
Fear of disapproval, fear of failure, fear of breaking a “Christian rule” or just fear of a disapproving God! From my Catholic roots to protestant teaching, it seemed most often Christians were taught that taking communion had all kinds of rules surrounding it. Where did this come from?
In chapter 12 of Exodus, there are many regulations regarding celebrating the Passover during the Old Testament times. Everything from a perfect lamb to expunging the household of leavened bread, Moses and Aaron received their instruction from the Lord about the celebration festivities. I am certain fear of taking communion irreverently is not new to us who live after Christ’s resurrection.
When Jesus was leading the Passover Seder with His disciples the following gives a recounting of the experience.
“While they were eating, Jesus took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to his disciples, saying, “Take and eat; this is my body. Then he took the cup, gave thanks and offered it to them, saying, “Drink from it, all of you This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.(Matthew 26: 26)
Certainly many of the historical rules were rooted in the Old Testament experience. The Law has continued to impact many of our lives and our Christian experiences. But when Jesus came, EVERYTHING changed! He brought radical challenges to the Pharisees and the culture of the day in which he lived.
I wonder what it was like for the new disciples of Jesus to take part in the bread and wind this time? At the time I am certain they worked through all of the rituals that were in place for the Jews at the time. But I wonder how the conversation went around the table with Jesus present? Was it stuffy and filled with ritual, or did Jesus bring a flavor of His love and grace even before His New Covenant took place? Oh, yes, He brought forth the reality of the betrayer sitting there which I am sure brought a somber reflection to the table, but certainly the disciples saw something different from the usual Seder.
Now, today, 2000 years later, after instruction is given, we read a selection of passages from First Corinthians chapter 11.
“This is my body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of me.” In the same way, after supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me. For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes.” (1 Cor. 11:24-26)
Often the pastor will lead his congregation to an evaluation that seems to be somewhat ambiguous but none the less, we are to dig into our heart and souls prior to taking the bread. As I read through the chapter where this practice of evaluation comes from I see this preface from Paul:
“In the following directives I have no praise for you, for your meetings do more harm than good. In the first place, I hear that when you come together as a church, there are divisions among you, and to some extent I believe it. No doubt there have to be differences among you to show which of you have God’s approval. When you come together, it is not the Lord’s Supper you eat?” (1 Cor. 11:17-19)
It seems the major problem Paul is calling us to evaluate is that as a Church, we struggle greatly with division, fighting amongst ourselves. He even points out that many of our times together do more harm than they do good! He says that the divisions are often rooted in pride about who has God’s approval and who doesn’t.
This is VERY important to consider!
What are we called to evaluate before taking communion? It looks like Paul is calling our attention to the arrogance of judging whether or not someone is “good” enough to eat with us. I want to point out right here that it is called “The Lord’s” supper. It is at His invitation that we are partaking. It is His dining table, not ours. Who should be the judge for the invitation? If we think we can be that judge than we ourselves are crossing over the very directive that Paul is laying out for us.
As I look back at many of my experiences with preparation for communion it seems there is a lot inferred about who should, or who should not partake. My older friend experienced an extreme example of her pastor leading her to believe that permission must be granted from him for eating the bread and taking the cup at the Seder celebration. I feel grieved that this godly woman had been so misled so as to believe she had to fear sharing in something like a Seder. The fears that often underlie communion experiences are attached to a man’s approval of God’s invitation. It can seem as though God invites, but man approves.
One time when I was visiting my dad in Las Vegas I decided I wanted to go to church with him to show him how much I respected his commitment to his faith. I had not been to church with him since I last regularly attended a Catholic mass which was when I was a teenager and I was digging deep into my heart to attend with him. As the service proceeded towards communion my dad handed me a folded open booklet turned to the page on communion. It read:
“While we are praying for the unity of the Body of Christ to be revealed, at this time if you are not fulfilling the requirements of a faithful Catholic we respectfully ask yo to abstain from taking communion with us.”
I was very upset by what I read. While I understood the intent due to my experience with Catholicism, I also knew the desire of Christ to see his Body come together and to quit separating on denominational lines. When my dad and I got home and I was standing in the kitchen I opened my my heart to him. “Dad, I am very upset by what I read today. While I deeply respect your commitment to the leadership of your church, I want to say that my attending church today was an answer to the prayers that were mentioned in that booklet. I had put aside my flavor of church to attend with you for your flavor of church. I feel very frustrated by the rejection of my heart based on rules that are not based on the gospel. I am a follower of Christ, and you are a follower of Christ. We should be able to share communion together based on our common faith even though there are differences in the way we practice it.”
My dad responded, “John, I know what you are saying but that is the way my church is and I felt I needed to honor the wishes of our leadership.” I felt comforted that my dad understood what I was saying and yet, I still felt frustrated by the separation of Christians bringing disunity to the heart of Jesus to see his “kids” all together.
Have You Ever Seen Anyone Overeat at Communion?
Several years ago I asked a second question. If the scriptures said “So then, my brothers, when you come together to eat, wait for each other. If anyone is hungry, he should eat at home, so that when you meet together it may not result in judgment”. (1 Cor. 11:33-34)
Than how are we defining communion? If it is possible to over eat at communion then how does a “chiclet and a thimble full of grape juice” relate to communion? There is something here that really needs to be considered.
If a traditional communion is symbolic I understand the small elements. But in its symbolism, what does it stand for? Well, first of all, it certainly is a symbol of that first historic Passover. I get that part. The symbol of the real night of the Passover is significant and God has called us to remember this special event in our history.
But, the elements are also symbolic. They are symbolic of the entire meal of the Passover Seder. The original Seder is a time of sharing history, our faith, and certainly friends and family. It symbolizes the entire picture of God’s heart for relationship.
Certainly we cannot overeat the elements unless we raid the back store of chiclet bread pieces and gallons of grape juice. But if the warning is about not being a pig when we go to a fellow’s home for dinner than we need to take a look at our gluttonous practices as we partake of the symbol of communion.
But, it is also symbolic of sharing meals together with other Christ Followers. As I think of my Christian walk, some of the fondest memories I have is eating, drinking, laughing and learning together over a meal. I also recognize that to eat with other Christians with whom I experience unsettled relationships is certainly making light of the unity called for in the Body of Christ. To sit at the vulnerable place of sharing a meal together and put on a facade of unity is a breach of the kind of relationship that God is calling us to celebrate through communion.
Who’s Invitation Is It?
But there is something very important to consider here as well. Who is God inviting to the table? Not, who do we want at the table, but who does God want at the table.
Is anyone unworthy to be at the table? Are there those we can say, “Go away until you get your act together!” Maybe we are talking to ourselves. Paul seems to warn us of our divisive ways. Can a Pastor or other spiritual leader tell us where, when, and with whom we can celebrate God’s Passover elements?
I was recently with a group of gay men and women who were celebrating God’s presence. We were led to a time of communion where the leader bought to our minds that any are welcome to the table who desire to draw near to Christ to share in His blood sacrifice bringing us hope, renewal, and eternity.
Behind me was a middle aged man who broke out and wept loudly. His heart was filled with a sense of loss, and yet a sense of inclusion. He later described that due to being gay he had always taken communion with a deep sense of guilt and shame and at times even avoiding it. He perceived that he was not welcome to the Table of the Lord due to what he had heard others preach about who was worthy to partake and who wasn’t.
My heart broke for his experience. I looked back over all of the years of my own experience with communion and I can see why this man felt “uninvited” to the Lord’s table. It may have been because he wasn’t reading the invitation correctly. It was sent by Jesus! It didn’t have man’s return address on it.
Jesus invites us to His table, anyone who wants to come, can come. Are we passing on the Lord’s invitation, or are we making it our invitation? The point I am attempting to make here is that there are Christians who think they can edit the guest list for those invited to the Lord’s Supper when it isn’t their guest list!
“While they were eating, Jesus took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to his disciples, saying, “Take and eat; this is my body.”
“Then he took the cup, gave thanks and offered it to them, saying, “Drink from it, all of you This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.”
It is the cup of forgiveness for all mankind. Man, woman; black or white; and yes, lesbian, gay transsexual -or straight.
At the close of the service, the man who led us through communion said something profound:
“When you make homosexuality a “fundamental” of our faith and it divides us into disunity, you are adding to the gospel.”
Much like other social issues, homosexuality has seemed to divide our family into segments. There is certainly different schools of thought, practice, and biblical interpretation within the Body of Christ. Sadly, those that suffer from the disagreement are those whom are cast aside, those who perceive they are second class Christians because they are gay. Does the gospel discriminate based on sexual attractions? I believe Jesus in the Bible says all are welcome.
Might we ponder this question? What other things in our Christian communities and personal walk that we make “fundamental” that keep us or others from The Lord’s Table that He has invited us to?
Might I say… If we cannot RUN to the communion table with no fears, no hesitation, with full confidence – - – - – then where can we run to?
You foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? Before your very eyes Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed as crucified. I would like to learn just one thing from you: Did you receive the Spirit by observing the law, or by believing what you heard? Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort? (Gal. 3:1-3)
For more articles on homosexuality – Click Here
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Thursday, September 15th, 2011
Oh, the rush of the adventure of this life.
The bright lights of the sky reflected in the highly motivated flowing water brings invigoration and desire for today!
Nehemiah 8:9-11
Then Nehemiah the governor, Ezra the priest and scribe, and the Levites who were instructing the people said to them all, “This day is sacred to the LORD your God. Do not mourn or weep.” For all the people had been weeping as they listened to the words of the Law.
Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is sacred to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”
The Levites calmed all the people, saying, “Be still, for this is a sacred day. Do not grieve.”
It is “o” dark thirty and here I am already moving into my day. Lots to do, things to think about, people to see, places to go and I am up and “atem”. My life is an adventure and always has been but I haven’t always felt that way.
From July 31st, 1954 God had a plan for me. Well, actually, it was before the beginning of time! As His plan has unfolded I can’t say I have always enjoyed it but it sure has been an adventure.
As you have reflected on your own life have you considered using the word “adventure” to describe it? I have not often thought of adventure when I have been down in a valley or wrestling with a struggle. I can picture myself with my arms swinging in front of me saying “no” I don’t want that right now. Or “leave me alone” when someone invades my space unwelcome at that moment.
Climbing a high peak, toiling over a difficult project, or working through a 20 year marriage all have their trials but they also have their joys and in the process we experience the adventure of discovery, highs, lows, and a sense of accomplishment. As a follower of Christ, the way is always up!
In October of 1986 I received a phone call that changed my life forever. The ministry of Love In Action called me to ask me to consider a position with them managing one of their residential facilities. I had prayed desperately for God to allow me to work in a full time ministry. I laid out my plans but none of them came to fruition. But when this phone call came, I knew it was an opportunity from God and joyously welcomed it. After extensive plans were laid out in just two months I was on my way from Nebraska to California to discover what He had for me. Ecstatic and unprepared for what was ahead I accepted this as a huge answer to my heart’s desire.
I saw this as the beginning of an amazing adventure but now over 23 years later I can’t say I always saw it that way. Those years were some of the most joyous experiences and yet some of the most painful of my life. I have no regret about having made the decision to go and can see how God used all of those years to shape my own character. I often said I felt that working for Love in Action was more about what God was doing in me than anyone. It was like climbing the highest peak for me. Along the way the discovery of people, life, relationships and certainly my Lord brought great satisfaction to what I accomplished through God’s working in me and through me.
Three years ago, in May of 2008, I entered another adventure! “God, Surprise Me”, was a little prayer that has brought another revolution to my life. (read the stories, click here) This new adventure is full of joy, and also its challenges as well. That is the way adventures are! Up, down, sideways, and sometimes a little rest in the middle.
A while back, I was asked by a friend to take him to the county jail so he could turn himself in for a warrant that has been issued for his arrest. Due to a violation of his parole he was to go back to the system for a parole revocation hearing and would have to spend time in jail until his hearing would take place. As I took deep breaths I pondered his life and what it has been like to be his friend. We met every week for over a year and I felt I knew him really well. As we drove downtown I was keenly aware of what he was about to walk into. He tried to process this with me and yet the angst on his face was obvious.
I mentioned this to a friend of mine and she said, John, your life always seems to go to curious and interesting places. I responded, “yep, that is the story of my life”. I never know what is in store for me but God has certainly had many unforeseen things up His sleeve to throw me off. I look back and laugh at the crazy things I have been through. I can also look back and cry at the sadness I have felt or seen for others. The mountain tops in my life have been very high. The valleys have been very low. But it sure has been a ride and I am not expecting it to stop any time soon. I am thankful that God has allowed me to have a wife that is willing to ride alongside me!
As you have walked through career development or raising a family or maybe just relationships that have been a challenge, can you use the word “adventure”. I have found that when I change the word to describe the challenges it gives it a new frame to think through.
Adventures are discoveries. They are exciting because we never know what is next. Walking through an adventure has a certain exhilaration about it that gives us a little more energy to embrace it. But when we see things with heaviness or fear it seems to de-energize us and drag us down.
A friend invited me to join a group to go white water rafting on the north fork of the American River in Northern California. I said yes and talked about how fun it would be. As we drove to the launching point I started to get really nervous and fearful. I could feel my heart pounding and the higher levels of anxiety inside me. The fear was taking away the joy of expectation and potential of the experience. As we started the ride down the river we had so much fun! It was 100 degrees and the cold water was wonderful. The rush of our yelling in the rapids was awesome. The calm of our resting point where we just laid back in the water was a welcomed break.
I wonder how many things I have missed out on in life because I was too afraid to embrace them? Far too many I’m afraid.
Luke 21: 34-35
“Be careful, or your hearts will be weighed down with dissipation, drunkenness and the anxieties of life, and that day will close on you unexpectedly like a trap. For it will come upon all those who live on the face of the whole earth.
What can I learn about me today Lord? What do You want to show me that may change my life forever? Lord, I am scared about what I am about to face but walk with me, take my hand, don’t let go!
I was at an amusement park standing in line for a huge turbulent roller coaster ride. I was anxious but excited. My friends were with me to help give me courage to go forth onto this mysterious and fearful thing. As I got strapped in and the ride started to climb the huge straight up ascent I began to pray fervently. God, help! Then as it got closer to the crest I said, “what am I doing asking God to help me, I did this myself”. As the coaster rolled over the top I screamed and down we went! Through the hoops, over the hills, under the trestles and in a few short minutes we were pulled to a stop. I laughed and with enthusiasm I said that was great fun. It seemed when I released the anxiety and just ran with it I could enjoy the experience.
Is that the way it is with life? If we release our anxiety and run with it will our lives become an adventure?
Ps. 55:22
Cast your cares on the LORD
and he will sustain you;
he will never let the righteous fall.
So, here I am again, it’s still “o” dark thirty. I don’t see the sun yet, but I am thinking differently already. I am up early because I had indigestion that just wouldn’t go away. I wasn’t up early today for any admirable reason. I wasn’t up to spend time with the Lord or to go exercise, It was just because I couldn’t lay there any more from the discomfort. So here I am starting out my day with pain in my chest. But writing these words gives me something else to think about.
What do you have for me today, Lord? Who will I see? What will happen that will challenge me? How does this day fit into the adventure of my life? I can trust that it will and that God will make good whatever happens today. I will learn something. I will grow just a little more today.
Something I know for sure, You love me and we’ll face this day with grace. Come on sun! Rise to welcome us with the Lord’s loving arms of embrace.
Psalm 113:2-4
Let the name of the LORD be praised, both now and forevermore.
From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets, the name of the LORD is to be praised.
The LORD is exalted over all the nations, his glory above the heavens.
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God is doing an amazing thing there and it is a privilege to have a relationship with this guy. We email back and forth and have Skyped on several occasions. His live is a tremendous sacrifice for these people. He once was an Anglican priest, is married with children and the folks in the bars call him, the “straight priest”.
In England, another friend has developed a bible study network for those who desire to know more about their faith and study with others that are gay that have the same desires. His ministry has been going now for over twenty years and in the last 12 years has been more focused on further development of discipleship within the gay community to know Christ more and grow further with Him. He and I enjoy sharing idea and providing support for each other through regular Skype meetings. He has become a very important friend as I continue to seek God for what He has for me to do in ministry with the gay community.
