Archive for the ‘The Journey of Thomas’ Category
Friday, January 29th, 2010
Loving an enemy. Hum. Who is our enemy?
Matthew 5:43-47
“You have heard that it was said, Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?”
I have heard this Scripture all of my Christian life and maybe even before. Love your enemies. I have often though about the call on the Christian’s life to heed this concept but never really understood many of the implications that God brings with His challenge for us to love one another, yes even our enemies.
I recently experienced a situation where this passage was illuminated brighter than I could have imagined. It was one of those “aha” moments that blew my mind away.
In 2005 I encountered a group of people that upset my entire world. They interrupted the foundation of my life. Their actions brought about huge consequences that were very difficult to overcome. To some degree there was a lasting impact that is not even completely resolved today. This group was led by a man whom at the time I referred to as my “Enemy”. From what I went through it appeared he was seemingly trying to destroy my very soul.
A few months after the main thrust of this attack my enemy requested a meeting with me. I very reluctantly agreed to the meeting figuring this may get him off of my back. With a second person for support we met in my office for about an hour. I found the meeting to be quite surprising because I saw something in this man that I had not seen previously. I saw a human being who had a heart and a soul. He shared some very vulnerable things about his life which were surprising to me. I responded with an open heart towards him since he seemed to be so open and honest himself.
From this meeting something inside of me began so shift. Several months later he came back into my world through attending a ministry meeting I was leading. He was kind, and socially friendly. I found it easier to be around him this time.
Through his coming to another ministry meeting and a series of casual meetings with him it became clear that there was a connection being built between us that didn’t seem so negative. Feeling caught off guard, I was growing from my interaction with him. He was teaching me things that were interesting and valuable to me.
Now, over four years later, we are working on projects and enjoying the time we spend together. He and I were sitting in my office the other day and we were talking about the events in 2005. I described him using the term “enemy” and something blew through my brain like it came from heaven! The scripture above, “love your enemies” ran around my head. I looked at my friend in the middle of my amazing revelation and directly and said:
“I can’t imagine using the term “enemy” in describing you anymore. You are my friend”
He smiled and nodded in agreement. I think it might have been a little uncomfortable for him to hear that. This was his response to our meeting:
“Hey John. Had a good time yesterday. I am continually excited and feel more and more enriched as more of the evolution of our friendship becomes clear in the ways we’ve affected one another. So cool!”
After our meeting I pondered the concept of loving your enemies and found that God had led me through an amazing life lesson. I wondered if what God had in store for us is that if we can learn to love our enemies, we may find new friends who will teach us things growing lessons of life. I also thought about another scriptural principle that we are not fighting against flesh and blood, but against principalities in the heavens. When I looked back at that day so long ago, I started out thinking I was fighting against a man who was leading a group. I didn’t want to talk to him and wished he would just vacate my life. He was my enemy.
My convictions haven’t changed about the issues that brought us into a battle. I am not sure his have either. We haven’t lived with an agenda to try to change one another. We haven’t made a project of one another out of our time together. I have tried most of all to seek to know him and what he finds important about life.
Today, I really like this guy. He is gracious, kind, thoughtful and faithful. He is a servant, a giver, and loves people. He thinks deeply, he is intensely creative, loves his family and follows convictions that are significant to his life values. Ultimately, no matter what his qualities are, he is human and loved by God. It is my responsibility to battle with spirutual principalities in a heavenly way and to learn to love people, even if they appear to be enemies. I have a new name for the seeming enemy of my life years ago, it is Friend.
Tags: battle, Enemy, Friend, Love
Posted in Articles by John Smid, Get Into John's Head, Testimonies, The Journey of Thomas, Uncategorized | 3 Comments »
Wednesday, December 30th, 2009
I’m through with church.
Have you felt the way I have recently? Has church become a drag instead of a joy? Does it seem that going to church is just something you do because you have always done it?
Have you experienced painful church splits, arguments, division like I have? Are there questions you have been afraid to ask like: what am I supposed to do with all of this? What is the purpose of going to church? Do I have to agree with my pastor?
Just kidding!
Actually I am in church everytime the doors are open. Whenever the restaurant table gathers believers or each Saturday night when our fellowship comes together I am in church. When I skype my friend in Perth Australia for over an hour or gather each day in discipleship meetings with other brothers, I am in church. When I sit with friends in a worship service enjoying a teaching or a time of celebration, I am in church. When my close friend and I spend three hours grappling over passages of Scripture, we are in church. Wherever two or three have gathered, we are in church.
But, I found myself asking, “What is this all about?” “Why am I here?” “Where does all of this lead”? “Why are we getting together?” I began a new journey in life.
I have spent the last several years writing The Journey of Thomas and I hope it will be published soon. I was reading through the introductory section of the book and wanted to share this heartfelt, God inspired journey of my own with you all.
It is my hope that each person who reads this book will be more motivated and more equipped to share with others the hope they have experienced through their relationship with Jesus Christ. If you are reading this and don’t seem to feel that hope today, it is my prayer that through reading this book, God will show you His awesome love that never leaves us or forsakes us. At the end of this book, you will find my own story of hope that began in my life many years ago.
It is my personal belief that one of the most effective models of sharing the Love of Christ with others is through authentic relationships. This kind of love comes out naturally as we hear one another’s hearts and value one another’s created purpose for life.
How I Started on the Journey
The Dream
In 2005, God began to work in my heart in a new way. He gave me a vision of a church building. This church was a square block style building with a foyer outside of its double entrance doors that was simple and more of a breezeway than a formal foyer.
As the doors opened up I saw people inside that were very busy. They were sitting in a variety of places. There were pews in the room but they were not connected to the floor and scattered about. They weren’t randomly scattered however. They were specifically placed for unique purposes.
There were people praying alone; bowing, walking, sitting. There were small groups of people praying together. There were people laughing in joyous fellowship. It was clear that the image I saw was that the pews were flexible and this room was designed for multipurpose use.
On the walls were stunning abstract sculptures. They were made of hand blown glass in ultra luminescent colors and so beautiful to look at. There was a cross hanging on the front wall that was made of the same hand blown glass. The blues, greens, oranges, reds, and whites were incredible and glistening with swirling brightness.
A man stood up front on a short stool. He was chanting out loud as if he were practicing for something. He had a black cleric’s robe on and there was a tailor that was hemming his sleeves while he stood there.
When I prayed about this vision, the Lord seemed to give me its meaning. He said that he wanted the pews loosened so that we would be free from a habitual existence within our gatherings. He wanted us to be free in our worship, our prayer, and our fellowship with each other. He made it clear that these people in their various activities were a pleasure to Him.
He said that the sculptures hanging on the walls of this room were works of art that exemplified the gifts He had given His people. These were callings, gifts, natural talents, spiritual gifts that were so special to Him that He wanted them displayed. It was to Him like a parent hanging a picture their children painted on the front of the refrigerator for everyone to see. He made mention that too many of His children had their gifts hidden away and that we were not celebrating each other the way He would like us to.
The Cross was the gift of His son to all of us and that it was similar to the others in that all of the gifts were given from the Father to be displayed, that was His gift to us.
Now to the chanting robe bearing man, God said he was representative of the history of the Body of Christ. There are traditions that we had lost as a Body and needed to try them on again and to be refit for them. He wanted us to reconnect to some of the traditions that represent our history and our family. He didn’t want us to forget them. This represented the stories, the lives and the accomplishments of others that brought us to where we are today.
My Response
After pondering that vision for many years now, I am more excited about being a Christian than I have been for some time. I finally felt that God was freeing me to be myself, to experience Him uniquely. I breathed a sigh joy thinking that my Father in heaven was really excited about my gifts and others as well. I have wondered if the dream was more for me than anything! God wants me to be free from the shackles of my own fears.
I spent many years of my Christian life sitting in pews and church buildings. I was relieved to think that there were many ways for us to celebrate our God with each other and it didn’t all have to be in straight rows facing the front or in buildings organized to facilitate church programs.
But something even more profound happened in my heart. For the first time in many years God inspired me to a renewed desire to reach the lost, the brokenhearted for Him.
I began to pray seeking Him for a plan. What did He want me to do with what He had shown me? So, for four years I prayed. I sorted through my varied responses some not so pretty to talk about. I began to wrestle with my vocational life. I had been in the same ministry for over 20 years and felt called to it. It was tremendously satisfying for most of those years but something started to change.
I’ve read through some books on “missional” churches, “organic” churches “house churches” and found some great inspiration through them but there seemed to be something still missing. Some of these books were tremendous and liberating in my heart but at times they left me feeling frustrated and critical. I had to continue working through that too. It seemed they were just another kind of church program that didn’t look that much different from where I had been.
God began to rock my world through adversity and relational challenges. I began to experience shifting in every area of my life. I had no idea how tough things were going to get for me and thankful that the Lord took me through it all gradually.
The Splitting Church
I was a part of a great organized church that went through a horrible and wounding internal breakdown where two thirds of the congregation left along with the majority of the staff including the Senior Pastor. Then I began to visit other churches sporadically almost feeling relieved that I didn’t attend an organized church every Sunday morning. I remember one Sunday sitting on my cool breezy front porch wondering if this pleased the Lord for me to just be quiet before him instead of going out to a church that day. I thought this surely was liberation from being bound to some church habits that had brought so much pain anyway.
I settled into a small Bible study group of about 16 people that were fast becoming really close friends. I started to ask the question about whether this would replace the larger organized church for me and others. Most of the time this weekly Saturday night gathering meant more to me than a majority of formal organized church services I had been to in the recent years. We met together every week, ate a meal and studied the Bible together, supported and encouraged each other with prayer and counsel. We surrounded each other at weddings, funerals, and hospitals. We ate meals together sometimes; I had spontaneous lunches with the men. I affectionately called it my church of 16 members and 12 regular attenders. What is the church anyway? I began to ask questions that I never felt the liberty to ask. I found it challenging to answer the question so often asked, “Where do you go to church”. I would squeamishly say, “Oh, my main fellowship is with our small group that meets on Saturday nights.”
As I looked around my city I found that our organized church wasn’t the only one going through splitting and internal breakdowns. God reminded me of a huge storm that occurred in Memphis where within twenty minutes trees had fallen all around town, telephone poles laying in the streets and electricity out for weeks for some. The word I received from our locals was that the majority of the trees that fell were rotten inside but we just didn’t see it. I began to ponder what had happened.
God spoke to me in response to this event. “I had to clean the garden from the rottenness that was inside the trees. I am sorry it was inconvenient for you all but it had to be done”.
I saw how this event was similar to what I saw was happening within our local organized churches. It became apparent that through the adversity of internal battles for control, God was cleaning my heart, challenging me to new growth and direction. He was also challenging others in the same say. Yes, it is inconvenient, but it has to be done. I also had to get honest about the fact that I had not really experienced true relationship with the majority of those I knew. I had however, experienced the habit of going to church and smiling with a hole in my heart longing for connection that was meaningful.
But there was still something aching in me. I found another organized church that seemed to have something special and I knew some friends who had been going there and said they enjoyed it. So, I happened to meet a couple at a home cookout who went there and they invited us to attend so we went the next day.
I resigned myself that maybe this might become what we needed and would enjoy. The new fellowship of Christians very quickly embraced us. I was invited to speak and share my gifts with the body there. The pastor was very supportive of me personally and spoke into my life with great encouragement. So we joined this church with the hope in our hearts that we would find a special ministry there and fellowship that was fulfilling.
I was invited to share a teaching series with a small group there. I called it “The Tributaries of Grace”. I started out the series inviting the participants to focus this series on a person or people that they wanted to reach with the grace of God. This could have been a friend, a family member or someone they were having a difficult time with.
Something new came alive in my heart. I realized that through the years of ministry experience I mostly responded to healing and recovery for those who came to us. This had changed to looking outwardly into the lives of those who haven’t begun their own journey yet or were stuck along the road. So, there was a glimpse of a major change in my heart at that point.
During this season another very deeply invested part of my life became a huge challenge. The internal workings of the ministry I had led for over 20 years became broken, confusing and wounding. I tried every way I knew how to correct the wrongs. I prayed, sought intercession and counsel but things continued to worsen. The conflicts and distractions increased and I felt trapped in a place I had celebrated for so many years. I hated leaving my home every day to go to a place that was such a personal and corporate challenge for everyone. What was God doing? How could it be like this? It seemed no matter which way I turned I couldn’t find a solution.
I began to search God’s heart for some answers. This time I began to ask different questions than before. I pondered questions that would take me deeper than just asking what organized church to attend. God, what is Your church? Where is Your church? What does it mean to serve You? How do I fit into Your church? Who is Your church? God, where do you want me to be?
After a couple of years of tremendous heartache I left my position with that ministry in faith that God had something He was leading me to. One of the first answers He gave me was to free me from the ministry I led. It became very clear that God was allowing me to close the door on that season of my life and begin anew. I felt strongly that he wanted me to take all I had learned and experienced there and use it in a new way.
I began to adjust to being away from that ministry I finally let my guarded heart open to some extent within the church I had discovered. I began to feel released to step further into ministry there. But as I got further into the workings of this church there were rumblings of discontent and elder / pastor problems that seemed to have been developing over a period of months. One Sunday, we went through a painful confusing combustion from these problems within the organizational leadership. That day, there was a split and the elders and staff resigned leaving the pastor and about one half of the original congregation. I left on that overwhelming Sunday feeling lost and hurt realizing that many of my new friends were going different directions. It had happened again, now what. How many more times will we see this happen?
A New Beginning
Needless to say, I was swimming in discouragement and hopelessness. What will I do now? What is God doing? I surely didn’t want to attend any organized church the next week and decided to attach to our home group even more. I began to accept things as they were and received a peace from the Lord.
I became encouraged and freer than I had been in a long time. After a few months, I felt Him answer me in another very unique way. He said, “Watch for the Springs of Living Water to come up out of the streets and sidewalks of the city. Get prepared! This water is the Living Water as unto salvation. I am inspiring my people to come to me and I want my Body to be prepared to receive them but they will not be coming to the front doors of the organized church buildings, they will need you to go to them, to listen for their voices, to know them and care about them. Go out into the streets”.
Whoa! These many years of confusion and pain has brutally moved me to go outside the walls of the organized churches! Building by building God has seemingly jack hammered me loose from my own traditions, religious practice and patterns of habit! He changed my entire world.
I began to see His “church” was everywhere I met or gathered with followers of Jesus Christ. I saw that I was having church every day! My new church didn’t have membership other than to believe in Jesus Christ. I enjoyed lunches, spontaneous meetings in the market places of my life which became encouraging connections with the Body of Christ. I found that when I took my eyes off of the Sunday ritual I had allowed to become a habit and hallowed ground, I saw the Body of Christ everywhere I went.
I have seen a new thing develop in my life. I am, more than any time in my life, excited to see someone come to a relationship with Jesus Christ that is authentic, life changing and invigorating! I have felt my eyes perk up in a watchful manner to see if I can see what He sees. There are lost children out there, Lord? Where are they? Do you want me to go to them? Where will I find them?
I felt him saying, “You won’t find them inside the walls of the churches.” “Walk as Jesus did, in the highways and byways, in the world around you.” “You will find them there.”
Living Outside the Walls
Well, this past six months I have found myself in some really strange places. I have entered the world with weak knees, curiosity, and timidity. I am not prepared for this! I am uncomfortable in the world. It is too strange for me. I want to be comfortable, safe, and this isn’t a safe place.
I was reminded that we don’t live in a “G” rated world. This world is not my home! But, I am asked to enter it with my whole heart so as to be in it, but carefully so as not to become “of” it.
Wow, this is really exciting – and dangerous. I have been around people and involved in circumstances that were similar to my sin filled past but I had forgotten my old life long ago. I have heard language, seen behavior and gone places that many told me in the organized church I should not be around. I have lived in a white washed world sanitized in such a way that was to keep us safe from the world. What about the real grit of this world? What about getting our hands really dirty – for the Kingdom?
As I have gone through this journey of change, God has inspired me to write the Journey of Thomas. I have lived out the principles that laid the foundation for this series for many years in a very different setting. Now they seem to have become applicable in other settings that I am not sure I understood at the time. I certainly didn’t see this as I began to write the Journey.
Now that I have written the last session on Honor, I can say with excitement that it is my greatest hope that this will inspire the Body of Christ to turn their eyes outside the walls of the church to see what God is doing. It would be awesome if this material would prepare many for the harvest that God is preparing for His Church to receive.
I believe that one of the greatest tools of evangelism for our world today is our own story, our own life. We live in a world that hungers for connection. So many are living lives of aloneness, fear and shame that for some the only way they will come out of their prisons will be holding the hand of someone they trust though knowing they can relate.
The Journey of Thomas begins with honest self evaluation and along the way I hope the inspiring, grace filled, forgiving and restoring voice of the Living God will permeate our souls with desire for His children to come to know Him and to find maturity through authentic fellowship with other followers of Jesus.
Along the Journey, after God deepens our heart for Him, I hope we will have a Well of His Living Water to share with the thirsty souls around us that He reveals to us.
Are there going to be Springs of Living Water as unto salvation coming up from your streets and sidewalks? Are you prepared to receive them? Are your eyes fixed forwardly in rows facing the front of your church experiences? Or, are you beginning to feel the pews coming loose underneath your familiar places? Would you like your Father to celebrate your life on the walls of your fellowship? Do you want to connect to all the saints who have gone before you with wonderful stories of life and traditions?
Get ready for a rocky challenging ride. Be prepared for some things along the way that may confuse you; but God has a plan to move you closer to Him and closer to His heart’s desire for people to come to Him.
I found one of the answers to my question, “What does it mean to serve the Lord” was simple and straight forward. To serve Him is to serve His people with His message of new life, hope, and healing. He wants us to never tire of speaking of the hope that is within us. Will we walk the streets of our lives with our hands outstretched just like His were on the cross? Unafraid, unashamed, and ready to embrace, to hear, to value and honor, those we find in the fields.
Matt. 11: 28-29
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”
The Journey of Thomas is designed to answer to Thomas’ question; I don’t know where you are going, Lord. Show me the way. I would venture to say; you may find this question answered for yourself.
Tags: john smid, The Journey of Thomas
Posted in Articles by John Smid, Get Into John's Head, Testimonies, The Journey of Thomas | 4 Comments »
Friday, December 18th, 2009
I’ve written a great teaching on the significance of expressing our feelings. I have long touted the importance of sharing the feelings we have in order to express them, release them, and resolve them. The scriptures talk about when one part of the body hurts, the whole body hurts.
This morning as I left the fitness center after a good work out, I was putting my gym bag into the car. I was feeling pretty good and as I slid the rear door of our minivan shut a bolt of electricity went through my whole body! Yeeeeeaw! My thumb screamed to my body, I’m stuck between these two doors!!!!!
I quickly pulled the handle open to release the door from my thumb and looked at a very ugly sight. I will not describe it to you so as to not spread my experience too far into your life.
I grabbed something to wrap my thumb in and with everything in my I began to pray asking God to free me from this pain. I started to intentionally breathe heavy, in, out, in… out, in…. out, with the hope that this may help with the pain. Hey it works for delivering children; maybe it will work for me!
As I was gingerly driving home all I could think of is, I need to see Vileen and share my pain with her. Then I thought about the feelings material that I had written. I really needed to share my pain because something inside me told me it would make it better.
So, as I drove up to the house and went inside, I found Vileen and showed her my sorry thumb. It did help to share my pain. She entered into the solution with me to find something to wrap my thumb. She was giving instruction for making it better. We thought it would be a good idea to get a thumb guard to protect it so I drove to Walgreen’s to see if they had one.
At the counter I spoke with the pharmacist about my smashed thumb. She said, “Oh, I’ve done that. That brings back some painful memories.”
She understood my pain because she had done that herself.
Why can we at times be so reticent to share our emotional pain with others? It helps to let others know. It relieves some of the burden to know someone else has gone through the same thing I have.
Within about an hour or so I had shared my smashed thumb with three people and it started to not hurt so badly. I have wrapped it and am now into the flow of the day. I have a big clumsy thumb but I’m ok now. Life is moving on.
Find a place to share your pain today. Get it out there and release it. Maybe it will help.
I never knew I could draw a lesson from smashing my thumb but God uses some strange things to show us how to live our live better.
Tags: Feelings, Journey of Thomas, The Body
Posted in Get Into John's Head, The Journey of Thomas, Uncategorized | No Comments »
Thursday, December 10th, 2009
It’s A Girl!
Look at all that hair! How could our baby be screaming and not even born yet?
“Okay Sue, just one more push,” I heard the doctor say. In just minutes after Roger called out our daughter’s identity, he reached over handing me a lifetime of joy!
Proverbs 31:29
“Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all.” Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
Cassidy, I want to bless you today. I want to bless you for who you are as a daughter, wife and a mother. Most of all, I want to bless you for who you are as a person.
I want to bless your mind. You have a strong mind. A mind that learns well and teaches naturally.
Your heart is tender toward the Lord. Children are drawn to you because you are loving, enchanting and open. They feel safe with you, because you set boundaries for them; this protects them and gives them freedom within those boundaries to explore and discover who they’ve been created to be.
You both encourage and challenge those around you to be strong and you motivate others to accomplish their goals. Your character is strong yet your heart is open and vulnerable! You stand strong for the things you believe in. You are honest and trustworthy.
As a wife, you are respectful and honoring. You hear the voice of your husband, but you don’t hide from expressing your own. You are willing to walk together in life’s great adventures and I bless that in you both! I love how you respect your husband and yet how honest you are in your relationship with him. I’ve seen you grow together as you trust the love and honesty of each other’s hearts. Your relationship is a model of God’s love. I bless your marriage, that it will be used to bring truth to others who stand by and observe it.
As a mommy, I see only joy in your eyes and excitement in your voice as you speak of your children. The word nurture defines you perfectly. There is nothing that brings more light to your glowing face than when you are watching Levi play.
You and Jason are gifted with the exact equation of nurturing, fun loving playfulness, guidance, love and discipline that were needed for Levi and his future siblings to grow up to be all that God created them to be.
As a daughter, my heart overflows with admiration and delight in the woman you’ve become. You are a friend to me and I am blessed! I treasure the memories we shared as you grew up; your spunk, your emotion, your imagination and love for make believe.
You always knew exactly what you wanted and you were more than ready to go after it! In that I see determination. Your fear of bugs, flies and crawly things made you the perfect little girl! But somewhere along the way, you turned into a well-balanced young lady who wasn’t afraid to ride four wheel ATV’s, fish, and hunt, or even shooting a partridge on the fly. Your brother was well pleased with your ability to throw a mean football, yet when you put on a dress, threw your hair up and polished your nails, you could walk the red carpet with the best of princesses! Your grace is amazing, the light in your eyes blinding and your smile and laughter are contagious! God has graced you with balance and beauty that made you the perfect match for the warrior in your life.
I want to bless you Cassidy, with a word picture. A symbol that I believe encompasses who you really are. A tulip I know is one of your favorite flowers, and as I’ve thought about a symbol for you, I think a tulip is perfect. First of all, a tulip has a unique beauty all it’s own; it’s a flower that one just takes a step back and enjoys. It is most often displayed and enjoyed in groupings rather than alone as a single flower.
Remember that Cassidy; that you are relational and it’s important for you to stand with others in order for your beauty to be shared. When being enjoyed by on lookers a tulip is less likely than other flowers to be picked and separated from its grouping.
Beds of tulips are often enjoyed from a distance as one stands in awe of everything they represent. Life, the onset of Spring, the end of winter. You too, are often enjoyed from a distance; your beauty is striking, yet calls those looking on to silence. When you are in your element, you represent life as well. I see it especially when you are taking advantage of each teachable moment in Levi’s life, or when you have the opportunity of being in front of a classroom of students sharing their learning experiences. Each tulip is different; tulips first are enjoyed because of the variety of colors they can display, they can also range from very plain to very fancy. It may have very fine straight lines or rounded with frilly edges, but that doesn’t change its beauty! This compares to your balanced personality; you are okay with who you are in both jeans and a gown.
The stem of a tulip appears to be very strong, yet it can be broken very easily if it is not handled with love and respect. In fact an entire tulip is very vulnerable to harm. You, Cassidy, are similar to that. You are often very fragile, but no one would know because you stand so tall, so confident and strong. This is where you must remember your dependence on God, and others. A tulip is a bulb that needs to be protected by someone who will take it in from the cold and put it out again in the spring to enjoy being kissed by the sun and refreshed by the rain! The bulb is the “heart” of this plant and must be protected from the cold and the heat. If the bulb is left unprotected, it will die! I pray that your strength will be in Him and your beauty will be only a reflection of what’s truly in your heart!
I bless and honor the day you were born, because without you, my heart would not be filled to overflowing like it is today! Today I found out that God has given you a daughter as well. The fruit of your womb! My eyes well up in anticipation of the thought of you experiencing the same relationship with your daughter as I have had with you! What a Blessing!
Cassidy, I love you! May I bless your future today as you continue to walk forward into the Journey God has planned for you! This is really just the beginning. May your life be a continued example of God’s love and commitment. May you enjoy relationships that are healthy and strong within your marriage, your family, and also with friends that will challenge and encourage you. I pray that you find your purpose in Him. And when walking confidently in that purpose, taking every opportunity He brings your way so that you will experience true satisfaction and fulfillment. Step out Cass! Trust God to make you all that you can be!
Be blessed my dear. I love you!
Mom
Tags: Core Values, Sensitivity, Sue DeRaad, Sue DeRaad's Blog, The Journey of Thomas
Posted in Sue DeRaad's Blog, Testimonies, The Journey of Thomas | No Comments »
Monday, November 30th, 2009
Desolate, alone, no where to turn, despair…
So hopeless that taking his own life must have seemed like the only choice.
How does someone get to this place…we were heartbroken as we watched some 450 people came to say good-bye. They spoke of his life…A “Smile” that was contagious, a “Heart” that kept giving! The stories repeatedly testified of people, people whose lives were touched by this one man! One after another stood to bare witness of the man they knew…or thought they knew. He was a friend, a son, a father and a husband…
He seemingly, was a lover of life, people, family and the out of doors.
What went wrong?? How does one hide their despair from 450 people?
What could have been going through his mind?
There is nothing good about me…
If anyone were to find out…
No one would understand…
I am so ashamed…
I can’t ask…I just couldn’t take another rejection!
I must hide…
I feel hopeless…
These are thoughts many of us have had before…the lies that Satan plants in our minds. Our negative self – talk.
As I sat and observed this tragic occasion, I felt saddened at the people coming and going, watching their expression of bewilderment, grief, shock and silence! The truth was…People were crying out for a chance to listen, a chance to have a part in reversing the outcome. But that was impossible now. Questions were raised…why didn’t he call me? Why didn’t he trust me enough to confide? Feelings expressed… “I’m angry… I’m hurt…I’m so sad!” Honesty reigned, but yet many heads still hung in confusion and grief!
I’ve been looking at my relationships…Do I really listen? Do I see the body language?
Do I look beyond his/her words? Am I a confidant? Am I safe for him/her? Do the people I am closest to, feel safe with me. Do they trust me to be a confidant? Am I trustworthy?
There were many times when despair was also a part of my husband Roger’s life. He believed the lies as well. The lies that no one understood, that no one cared and that he couldn’t possibly be honest about his life, that he’d be rejected again.
I too, being in an unhappy marriage, didn’t want anyone to think badly of the man I loved. I didn’t think I had anyone I could tell that another man was paying attention to me. I believed I had no one I could trust with that information.
We both hid and continued in our pain alone. No one knew how messy our marriage was. So sitting through this service was very personal for us… both as a very difficult time to remember back to that life, but also as a time of awakening for us to not take our relationship or our healing for granted.
As I looked over and saw the tears streaming down Roger’s face, he reached over and squeezed my hand. I knew then that we were united in spirit, in our grief, our compassion for this family and in our gratefulness for what God has brought us through.
We may struggle at times with some of those same feelings, but we are confident in God’s love for us, our love for one another and the love of our families that has been tried and tested. When life’s circumstances seem difficult, we are not hopeless, because …
Psalms 37: 23 – 24: The steps of a man are established by the Lord; and when he falls, he shall not be hurled headlong; Because the Lord is the One who holds his hand.
There have been times, when I thought my life was out of control and this verse brought me peace. A counselor once shared with me that while driving along, he has reached over to hold the hand of his Heavenly Father. What a sweet reality! It’s a comfort to know that He is that close!
Lord Jesus, May your love penetrate us so deeply that others are moved by your presence, may they sense your love, and be drawn to You through us. Make us approachable, honest and open in our relationships, so that others feel safe. Help us remember that every relationship is divinely appointed by you. Make us aware of opportunity everyday to make a difference in someone else’s life. Forgive me for the times I have overlooked someone because of time, busyness, or my own selfish agenda.
Open the eyes of my heart Lord, to be sensitive to the needs of others and available when someone needs to be lead into your presence. Thank you for the privilege of placing the hand of a hurting person into yours…Amen
Tags: Sue DeRaad, The Journey of Thomas
Posted in Sue DeRaad's Blog, Testimonies, The Journey of Thomas, Uncategorized | 1 Comment »
Monday, November 2nd, 2009
James 5:18-20 (The Message)
My dear friends, if you know people who have wandered off from God’s truth, don’t write them off. Go after them. Get them back and you will have rescued precious lives from destruction and prevented an epidemic of wandering away from God
A while back a very good friend had confessed that he had gotten himself tangled up in sin. I knew this wasn’t the first time and that he had been ensnared before. He was a part of a family that we had grown to love dearly. We laughed together, cried together, carried moving boxes together and considered each other close as if we were family. Actually, in Christ, we were.
As he spoke of more details concerning the situation I felt as though my skin was as white as a ghost. What would happen now! I asked myself if this meant that I might lose this friendship forever. Would our relationship survive such a repeated devastation? Our lives had become so close I wondered how many other ways we would be affected by this unfortunate circumstance.
Yes, this was all overwhelming to me but I felt compelled to stand by my friend because I knew his heart. He had a heart of love for God, for his wife and for his family. I knew he needed someone to believe in him but I kept thinking, “Can I ever trust him again?” Then I thought about the concept of trust and why I was so determined to have that question answered.
I Don’t Trust You!
We had decided to have coffee to talk like we had so often before. This time I found myself motivated by commitment and obedience rather than to spend time with a friend. I remember speaking from my heart out loud with him saying, “I don’t trust you!” I felt smug about my statement because somehow I felt I needed to take some kind of stand against his sin. I perceived I had to draw some kind line in the sand. I thought my statement would keep this in perspective. After all, I thought I had to be able to trust him in order to be his friend. But what did trust mean? How would it be applied?
Why did I have to trust him? I couldn’t control his behavior. I couldn’t control his repentance or his current or future choices. I could however chose to make healthy personal choices for myself so why was it so important for me to trust him? Sadness came over me again because I felt the potential loss of a good friend and wondered if we could ever be close again.
In my evaluation of the concept of trust I realized that much of my need to “trust” my friend had to do with my own personal needs and had little to do with him. I thought I had to be able to trust him so that I wouldn’t be hurt again. In the end, my need to trust was really a desire to control through my demands that he be trustworthy! It was all about me and I was trying to reach an impossible goal of manipulating my friend to behave so that we could have a relationship. I wanted him to mind his “p’s and q’s” and not repeat this again! I needed something from him as a friend and his behavior had threatened my getting what I needed in this relationship.
When I was sitting with him at a local coffee shop I looked at him and he was weak, sad, needy, and broken. He had always been so positive and encouraging. I was used to sharing my life with him to gain support for my own weakness and life struggles but this day was different. He had nothing to give me, he was empty. I made a decision that day.
I would need to look for others whom I could lean on and decided to give myself to my friend for his needs. I couldn’t share my needs with him because of his weakened state but I could listen to him and bear his burdens. He was doing everything he could to stay alive and make it through this current devastation. He needed me much more than I needed him. I had other friends and places for support. At this time, he had been abandoned by so many due to their responses to his circumstances. There were few available for him to lean on.
I realized that I no longer needed to trust him. This was so freeing for me to accept. I was able to release him to his own choices. I let him go to either succeed or fail but my life was no longer dependent upon him being good, or obedient, or safe. I drew some healthy boundaries around my heart so that he was free to live his life as he chose to.
That day, I chose to enter into his pain and share it with him. I made the decision to listen to his heart and to watch and wait for whatever the Lord wanted to do with him. It was between him and his Savior alone. I would just be his friend and cry with him in his pain, and rejoice in the restoration if that came about. I was hopeful that this would be the case but no longer demanding that it be so.
Well, hallelujah! Today, his life is restored. Our friendship is different. There are scars but there is also more peace and relief overall. We have shared the common bond of a battle for his life and he lived. If I encounter something terribly disheartening I hope there will be someone there for me who releases me to my Savior.
In a recent phone call my friend was deep in the middle of some more growth battles. This time they weren’t from bad choices, but from good ones. He had made further choices to enter into the risks of life to pursue his passions, his family, and his Lord. When he answered the phone he told me how much of a challenge the week had been. He described that he was in the middle of mud up to his knees in a cattle yard trying to get through the day. I let go of my properness and said to him, “it seems you are in a deep pile of sh%$#”. He began to cry then his sobbing turned into laughter.
We both got a good belly laugh out of our short phone call that day. Those tears and that laughter didn’t come from just the current circumstances but from a lifetime of living through terror and joy with Jesus. I don’t need to control my friend’s behavior anymore because his life is in the Lord’s hands and so is mine.
Gal 6:1-3 (The Message)
Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day is out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ’s law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived
Tags: john smid, The Journey of Thomas, Trust
Posted in Get Into John's Head, Testimonies, The Journey of Thomas | No Comments »
Friday, October 30th, 2009
As Iron sharpens Iron, so does one man sharpen another. Proverbs 27:17
Derek was only 18 when he learned of his father’s addiction. Sitting on the step of a stairwell in a hotel close to his college, he hung his head. First anger, then such severe grief for an 18 year old to have to endure, just when he was trying to figure out his own identity and place in this world.
As a mom, I felt so much pain for my son. I felt so fearful of the effect this news would have on his future choices. I wanted to protect him, to keep him from hurting, but I couldn’t, I needed to let him feel and then handle it in his own way. I could‘t fuss over him or coddle him. He was alone in a whole new environment, knowing very few, no family around him and having to deal with such devastating news about his father. How would this news change their relationship? Would they ever be okay?
Today, I look back to that time and I marvel to think of what God has done in ten years. The progress, the healing of the hearts of two men that I love so much, two men who are learning together to live…wild at heart!
Derek, is a dad himself now living in South Dakota. One night, in the Fall of 2008, while still living in Minnesota, we got a call from him. He asked for his father and said,” Dad I need you!” He worked on his in-laws family farm, but had recently gone on his own and he was feeling overwhelmed! He had so much on his plate and wanted his dad close by. Derek is a risk taker, He was willing to trust God and step out, but now he was asking for help. His dad could have said, “Derek, I’m over 50 years old, I’m done moving around. I am staying right where I’m at.
But instead, he wrestled with God until there was peace, and then he dropped everything and ran to his son! By that I mean…God provided full time work for Roger as a farm hand with Derek’s brother-in-law. Within two weeks after the offer for the job, he was on his way to SD. I went with Roger that first week and then I had to come back to MN and stay working until our house sold. Starting with the very first day we arrived, Roger and Derek spent most nights sleeping in the barn calving out 200 heifers. Derek had spent a couple weeks preparing for our arrival. They had a single mattress and a recliner in the tack room with a small heater and a compact refrigerator also, not to mention a portable DVD player. Many hilarious stories have come from that experience along with some life lessons I am sure.
Mutual respect came from all the experiences they had as they lived in very tight quarters depending on one another to get through day and ultimately the calving season. Walking together in the middle of the night through blizzards and frigid sub 0 degree temperatures…one holding a light and one picking up a new born calf who was on the brink of hypothermia, carrying them to the barn, rubbing them down to increase circulation then placing them in a warmer to save their lives. They worked together assisting many of the cows who were struggling to have their first babies. There were nights where they were exhausted. They had to continue setting their alarms every two hours and getting up to check the cows who were getting close to delivery. Some nights Derek would wake up and sneak out to let his father have some extra sleep and some nights Rog would do the same for him.
Derek saw his dad walking in the newness of the man God created him to be. He saw a seasoned kind of calmness he had not seen in his dad before. He respected him for being willing at his age to change his entire lifestyle and his job to be near him and his family, taking the opportunity to rebuild that relationship.
Roger saw his son as the man he was becoming, strong and adventurous, organized and knowledgeable of the task at hand. He had a strong work ethic, willing to work hard to provide for his family.
This relationship didn’t happen over night. There have been some hard times where the growing pains of honesty, love and respect were being sharpened. But they have worked hard to regain that mutual respect that comes from working through the steps of the journey!
As Iron sharpens Iron, so does one man sharpen another…Proverbs 27:17
This is a verse we have up in our family room near the pictures of Roger, Derek and Jason our son-in law. It is a good reminder of the importance that relationship plays between men.
As a mom, I am moved again by God’s goodness and grace in the lives of Derek and his father. Just 2 weeks ago Roger got a phone call. Derek sounded like a kid in a candy store. He had been invited on an Elk hunting trip. They were leaving for the Rockies the next morning. They would be hauling their horses to the southwest corner of Colorado, unloading, riding up into the mountains and sleeping under the stars. He wanted his dad to come along and be a part of this adventure. It was a very difficult decision; however Roger knew that with the symptoms of West Nile virus still present in his body, it wouldn’t be a good idea health wise for him to go on this trip.
I continue to thank God whenever I see them together. I still, after all these years, am moved to tears as I think of the gift of relationship between these two men in my life. Without both men trusting the God of the universe…things could be very different! The world says, “Just write ‘um off!” But our God is in the business of healing and restoring, He says, “Come to Me…”
Tags: Derek DeRaad, Father and Son, Journey of Thomas, Roger DeRaad, Sue DeRaad
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Saturday, October 17th, 2009
Ten Years Ago I didn’t know if we’d even have a family.
Monday morning, I marveled as I considered the past weekend. Wow God, you really did care for us as a family. You had a work to do and you used our family to show us just how big, wide and vast your love really is! Thank you Father!
Ten years ago, I didn’t know if we’d even have a family. In the midst of our deepest struggles, there was so much pain, so much hurt…so much forgiveness needed to find our way back to each other. Could it ever be, would we even get there? Could life ever be found again aside from the severe pain and confusion we were in?
Jeremiah 29: 12-14
“Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. And I will be found by you,”: declares the Lord, “and I will restore your fortunes and will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord. “
Watching Roger’s parents drive away, I smiled, what a beautiful weekend. Our family had been separated for nearly 10 years. Derek married and starting his family in SD, Cassidy and Jason in TN for 6 years and then to Owatonna, MN near us. Our parents and sisters had remained in International Falls the whole time. It was great having our daughter Cassidy, Jason and Levi, near us, but we still felt unsettled because our son Derek, Laura and their girls were still 7 hours away.
You might be saying, “Many families are separated, that is not so unusual.” But in spite of all the hurt from our past, we loved each other and didn’t want to settle for being apart. God wasn’t finished with us yet and we began to pray and seek after Him for direction! I felt certain that our family must be gathered back together to bring the kind of healing that God desired and that would glorify His name.
I began doing a lot of reading in the Old Testament. I read about how God scattered the Israelites because of their sin, but in the end he gathered them from where he had sent them, to take back the land that was stolen from them by the enemy, Our “Land” was “our hearts and our relationships”
Today, as I reminisce about our recent move to South Dakota and this past weekend with family, I am humbled and stand amazed at His great love for us. The weekend was filled with excitement and laughter. The grandmas were in the kitchen cooking a Chinese dinner for everyone. With 15 adults and 12 children, our work was cut out for us! The mom’s with young children were watching and learning, sharing adult conversation while keeping one eye on the 12 children squealing with excitement over being together with their cousins. Great Grandparents watched in delight and the men in the living room anxiously awaited the call to dinner.
As the “Grandma” of the house, I rang the old brass bell in memory of our great great grandma who relished each moment she had her family around her table. Ringing the bell meant it was time to gather and ask God to bless the food we were about to eat and to give thanks for the family gathering around.
There is a picture stamped on my heart forever. I will go back to this day often and be filled up with the memory of our children, their families and our parents sitting around our dining room table feasting not merely of His provision, but also of the breath taking aroma of our of love for one another, as forgiveness permeated the air around us.
This, my friend is what Grace Rivers is all about – God building and restoring broken relationships that seem impossible! It is all about providing the tools, and sharing the joy of seeing others experience the Grace that our heavenly father so freely gives. This will require a willingness to trust God to do His work in us and through us. Trusting God to heal our pain is a risk worth taking!
Jeremiah 31:1-2a, 3- 4a
“At that time,” declares the Lord, “I will be the God of all the families of Israel, and they shall be my people.” Thus says the Lord, “the people who survived the sword, found grace in the wilderness…” “I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore I have drawn you with loving kindness” “Again I will build you and you shall be rebuilt,”
Tags: family, Restored, Sue DeRaad, The Journey of Thomas
Posted in Sue DeRaad's Blog, Testimonies, The Journey of Thomas | 2 Comments »
Monday, October 5th, 2009
Active Participation
Am I willing to put aside my own agenda to in order to listen to someone else’s heart?
Phil. 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.
Wow, I thought as I sat looking up at the stars. It was amazing! The stars had taken over the entire universe. The Big Sky, which is normally referred to as being in Montana, had escaped to the Dakotas. My mind was lost for a moment, until I heard the Roger sigh. We were lost together sitting outside on our little patio with only the dim flame of a candle between us, the perfect end to a very hard day.
Roger and I both started out with our agenda’s. He was going to spend the day cleaning out the rest of the “junk” from our move. Then he wanted to dig the potatoes, bring in the pumpkins, squash, and gourds and finally pull the foliage from the garden. He had a busy day planned. I was going to enter a month of spending receipts and balance the checkbook. I also had to freeze apples, and clean the house before my daughter and I would leave for Minnesota to get our last load of personal things and close on the sale of our house. I reminded Roger the night before that I knew he would want my help the next day, but I would not be able to keep running out to help him if I was going to get my work done.
The day started out good. Roger went right to the garage and I started organizing my day inside. Within a half hour, I heard “Sue, I need you!” I didn’t say anything, I went to the garage and Roger said, “I know this isn’t what you wanted to be doing, but I really need your input on some things out here.”
At that point, I had to make a decision. I felt invaded and all kinds of thoughts were running through my mind. “What makes your work more important than mine?” “Roger, I don’t have time, you are putting pressure on me!” “Here we go again, you come first!” “I have so much to do and it’s not going to get done, AGAIN!” I answered his question and then I went inside.
As I began to prepare for everything I had to do, I thought…Roger has a Saturday off. He never gets a Saturday off. So, I do understand. There are so many things we probably should just donate to charity, toys to clean up for the grandchildren, and kitchen stuff to sort through. My heart began to change. I changed clothes, put on my shoes and went out and asked, “where do you want me to start?” I saw the frustration on Roger’s face dissipate, being replaced with relief.
We had a wonderful day together. We got the garage cleaned out, All the toys gone through washed up and put away in toy boxes and totes for the grandkids. We got the garden cleaned out with 20 pumpkins and a wheelbarrow filled with squash and gourds.
It was a beautiful fall day. We even did a little outdoor decorating for the season. Towards evening Roger offered to scrub my floors while I worked on the checkbook. I got my kitchen, dining room, and entry floors scrubbed. Hurray!!
About 8:00 pm, I walked out to the patio to share a couple polish sausages and a bag of chips with Rog. He had lit a candle and we sat underneath the stars and shared a simple intimate moment. It was a perfect ending to a perfect day, a day that could have been very different if I hadn’t listened to my husband’s heart and see that his needs were important. I made a choice, to esteem him as more important that day than my own needs.
Tags: Active Participation, Sue DeRaad, The Journey of Thomas
Posted in Sue DeRaad's Blog, Testimonies, The Journey of Thomas, Uncategorized | 1 Comment »
Tuesday, September 29th, 2009
As I contemplated going to work for a Toyota Dealership I looked back over the years of my own car buying experiences. I had purchased a lot of cars in my lifetime. When I was 17 years old I was ecstatic when buying a 1970 Volkswagen Beetle.
I have bought cars from individuals, dealers, and yes, even off of Ebay! Each time I experienced my own internal battle to find something I felt comfortable with at a price I wanted to pay. I can also remember many of those times when I bought a car I really couldn’t afford.
I have wondered if the challenge of buying a car stems mainly from our own discomfort - with either parting with our money - or not having enough money to buy what we wanted. None the less, it came down to making a decision that would potentially impact many years of our life financially and practically.
I had a customer recently named Shelly who was interested in buying a fun little sports car. She test drove the car. At the point of trying to make a decision she said she wanted to talk about buying the car. So we moved to my desk and I got out the paper work.
At this point, I realized how many times I had sat at that same desk in my own lifetime.
Does this picture cause any car buying trauma?
They all look alike. Small, three chairs, inside a little cubicle often full of intimidation and fear. Our internal process begins; “How much can I afford? How much will they sell this for?” Most of us are familiar with the battle for the win! We want the best car for the best price. The owner or dealership wants the best price too; the one where they make the most money. Everyone is after the same dollar in the middle of the deal.
It is at this point where we have likely already found the car of our dreams and we tend to want it at any price and are willing to compromise some in our own checkbook to get it. We will even begin to make bargains with ourselves. “Hum, maybe I can eat out less or buy less clothing this year”, our thoughts ramble through possibilities. “How can I come up with the extra $30 per month that I need to get this car?”
As Shelley sat down I tried to put myself in their shoes. I tried to relate to her experience and be as honest as I could with myself. As we wrote up the deal the afternoon had already moved close to the dinner hour. Shelley told me that she had a special place to be at 5:00 and had scheduled to meet with friends that would be waiting for her.
The mangers tried to remind me that we needed to get her to a decision and completion of the deal. I understood their point. But I was in conflict with how inconvenient it was at times when I was trying to buy a car. I didn’t want to pressure her to make the deal even if it would compromise her commitment to another person. I remember a time when I had to call someone to opt out of something I had made a promise to attend because I was sitting in the sales cubicle myself.
After a quick evaluation of my own life experience, I related to Shelley that I fully understood and that I had no intention of holding her up so as to make her miss something she had committed to. I freed her up to come back the next day to complete the deal. As you might imagine my managers were confused that I let her go but I had a higher calling and purpose here.
I made the relationship with Shelley more important than buying a car right there and then. In my mind, if I was successful at showing her I could relate and I was as committed as she was to other relationships, then maybe I would not only sell her a car but she might tell others about me for their own car buying needs. I found that in the end, Shelley didn’t buy the car because she also had higher values. She did not have the budget to buy a car at that time. She said she would be more ready next year after paying attention to some current debt.
Maybe next year Shelley will be in a better position to by a car with more confidence about spending the money. Maybe next year I’ll find that by building relationships through actively listening to others’ needs will pay off multifold!
I want to be respected, believed, and valued so I want to treat others that way too. I wouldn’t want my customers to leave after a grueling and postponing experience with buying a car. I’d rather have them say that I was one salesman that respected them all the way through the buying process.
I was told when entering into this job that relationships sell cars. After being there for only two weeks, I am not sure they really meant what they said. At least not in the way I try to value relationships. The higher calling is to put this world and its idols out of the way and value what God does – people.
Tags: Active Participation, Car Buying, Car Sales, Journey of Thomas
Posted in Articles by John Smid, Get Into John's Head, The Journey of Thomas, Uncategorized | 1 Comment »
