Comments on: A Letter of Apology

By: Lloyd Peacock

Lloyd Peacock — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 12:30:41 +0000

Dear John, I know that it took courage to write the above letter. I would like you to watch the video of our friend Frank Shears, which was produced a few weeks before he died. He spent 10 years in a ministry similar to “Love in Action,” and finally realized the damage he caused to young lives. These change ministries are of no help to anyone, and only confuse vulnerable minds. They should be all shut down immediately.

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=473057360019

By: Tony

Tony — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 19:04:27 +0000

Actions speak louder than any words, John, actions.

By: David G.

David G. — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 13:13:58 +0000

Hi John,

I was never impacted by the work of LiA, and I am not in the habit of posting to blogs. But I find myself curiously drawn in by your story. I am reminded that in the late 70s, as a college student counseling teens at a Christian camp, I led devotions out of Romans 1 and warned the boys in my care of the horrors of homosexuality. I was and am homosexual. In my hatred of my own sexuality, I hurt one of those boys so deeply by my words that he tried repeatedly to throw himself out a second story window. I had no concept at the time how much harm I did to him. I justified myself thinking I had only presented him with biblical truth.

I’ve heard it said that “Love your neighbor as yourself” is not only a command, it is a truism. We will love our neighbor as we love ourselves. If we hate who we are, sooner or later we will act hatefully toward those we intend to love. John, I hope in your soul-searching you have considered that the harm you admittedly caused others may have something to do with the way you have treated yourself. I gather that the program you ran included elements of coersion. Are you coercing yourself?

Like some others who have responded, I suspect you are only partway through a major upheaval in your way of seeing God, yourself and others. I know from experience that being in ministry puts us in a kind of straight-jacket of expectations that makes changing our perspectives very difficult. Is it yet time for you to engage in ministry again? I do not really know you, but for what it’s worth I wonder, are you rushing things a bit?

Obviously I am projecting my own story onto yours. So my questions are first for myself. I am beginning to gain a new equalibrium after ending my heterosexual marriage and falling in love with a beautiful man. I came to the realization I could never adore my wife the way a husband ought. I could not give my whole self to her. I have wrestled through many questions about my faith, since my relationship with God has remained the most important thing in my life. I have come to understand that for me, a gay man, the love of God cannot be fully mediated through a heterosexual marriage. The love of my wife simply did not reach me in the places where I so longed to be touched and held. For me, it is the embrace of a man that mirrors the embrace of God. My partner is the only man with whom I have been intimate — likewise for him. Our partnership is a means of grace for both of us. How can a relationship that mediates so much grace not be considered blessed?

Are you sure, John, that the bread you have to offer others is really ready to be served?

David G.

By: Butch Key

Butch Key — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 07:19:11 +0000

I just want to say thank you to John, I was in the program at LIA back in 2002 … granted I didn’t agree with all that was going on… but I agree I didnt want to be this way… and still dont to this day… I have came to an understanding with myself that I will always be attracted to men but I do not have to act upon it… and if I do .. its not the end of the world.

I think John Smid has a wonderful heart… I forgive him for the wrongdoings he feels he has done but why are people judging him… John is a work in progress just as we ALL are… at least he is apologizing and he understands more in a Godly light as I know he is proud of… I still hold those 6 months in LIA dear to me… I may not be the person I truly want to be but I will not speak negative of my experience… I am thankful he has such an open heart now to the light of what God is showing him… we all should be more open… forgiveness is what God calls us to do… so John I forgive you and I pray for you that God will continue giving you an even more open heart to draw you closer to him… Thank you for sharing your heart… Hopefully we will cross paths again some day!!! God bless you!!!

Butch Key

By: Ryan

Ryan — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 03:15:26 +0000

I would not be the man I am today without Love in Action and the ministry of Christ through John Smid. Thank you, John.

By: Reed Boyer

Reed Boyer — Fri, 17 Jun 2011 16:44:01 +0000

I share Trystan and Douglas’s feelings on this.

March 4th, 2010 this letter was written. After 22 years of your “ministry.” About YOU – and your ministry, and yourself, and your feelings.

Well, *I* (your favorite word) am less than impressed. Because, thanks to your efforts of 22 years, in the year following this “apology’, we lost 23 young people.

And now (June 2011) you will be making a public appearance. I truly hope that you’ll be speaking up in TN – because your state’s “Don’t Say Gay” views are a partial reflection of your “ministry’s” years of making “the loved sinner” feel utterly despised – and your appearance in conjunction with a documentary doesn’t begin to mitigate the enormous damage you’ve done. Get into action. Deeds. Not words – for the love of God, especially not words. Not more words. Not from you.

• Aiden Rivera Schaeff (17) April 22, 2010. Ontario
“committed suicide”

• Dominic Crouch (15) May 18, 2010. Cheltenham, UK
jumped to his death from a six-story building

• Billy Lucas (15) September 9, 2010. Indiana
hanged himself in his family’s barn

• Cody J. Barker (17) September 13, 2010. Wisconsin
“took his life”

• Tyler Clementi (18) September 22, 2010. New Jersey
committed suicide by jumping off of the George Washington Bridge

•• Justin (Chloe) Lacey (18) September 24, 2010. California
shot herself

••• Harrison Chase Brown (15) September, 25 2010. Colorado
“took his life”

• Asher Brown (13) September 27, 2010. Texas
shot himself with his fathers gun in his home

• Seth Walsh (13)
hanged himself from a tree in his backyard Sept 19; Seth did not die immediately, was discovered and taken to a hospital where he was placed on life support in critical care, dying 9 days later.

•• Jeanine Blanchette (21): September 28, 2010. Orangeville
pills

•• Chantal Dube (17): September 28, 2010. Ontario
pills

• Raymond Chase (19) September 29, 2010. Rhode Island
hanged himself in his dorm room

• Felix Sacco (17) September 29, 2010. Massachusetts
“apparently jumped” from an overpass into traffic

••• Caleb Nolt (14) September 30, 2010. Indiana
killed himself

• Zach Harrington (19) October 5, 2010. Oklahoma
“committed suicide at his parents house”

• Aiyisha Hassan (19) October 5, 2010. California
“committed suicide at her home”

• Terrel Williams (17) October 13th, 2010. Washington.
hanged himself in his bedroom closet hours after an attack at his school by five other students

• Corey Jackson (19) October 19, 2010. Michigan.
hanged himself

• Brandon Bitner (14) November 5, 2010. Pennsylvania
jumped in front of a tractor-trailer, after leaving a suicide note, and walking nearly 13 miles from his home

• Lance Lundsten (18) January 15, 2011. Minnesota
“”mixed drug ingestion” His estranged father initially denied Lance was gay and declared he’d had “an enlarged heart.” The coroner’s finding was ” . . . suicide was the manner of death.”

••• Kameron Jacobsen (14) January 18, 2011. New York
“took his own life”

•••Nicholas Kelo, Jr. (13) Feb. 23, 2011. Ohio
“self-inflicted gunshot” Nine of his organs were collected and donated

•• Adam Wood (19) March 21, 2011. California
climbed to the top of a 75-foot electrical tower and used a rope to hang himself

By: Douglas Jantz

Douglas Jantz — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 06:59:22 +0000

I am very happy being gay, It feel good to be honest with my self. I am not living the lie. God has bless me in many ways. I feel sorry for the people I am still in contact with from Love in action, who claim to be christian,( But still living the lie ) When I was in trouble,Who was there for me . My none Christian friends. You as my christian leader, was nothing but a joke.( Think God for my none christian friends), I feel sorry for you and your lies. Be real, The one thing going for you was your wife. What a wonderful lady. I feel sorry for her. I am trying to let my bitterness toward you go. Because I don’t want any part of you controlling my life.

Get Real John Smid

Douglas Jantz, The one you could not give a shit about.

Love in action 1988

By: Coleen Lasko

Coleen Lasko — Sat, 15 May 2010 17:32:08 +0000

A few decades ago, if you were acknowledge alcohol addiction you’d be most liable to be greeted with tongues clucking. Although the stain is yet attached, it’s great that facilities and support groups are accessible and individuals are a lot more understanding with substance abuse right now.

By: Jeffry Ford (OUTPOST 1980 to 1986)

Jeffry Ford (OUTPOST 1980 to 1986) — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 08:03:03 +0000

Dear John, I just today 4/13/2010, became aware of your apology. I too know the pain and grief of gaining self awareness and seeing my narcissistic arrogance. Great dialogue and use of the internet to release years of pent up confusion and deception. I too agree with those who want you to stop using language so carefully and admit the truth. My wife, Cathy, and I were together for 13yrs. Her grace in standing by my side and refusing to separate me from my 1yo and 5yo kids, giving me joint legal and joint physical custody, was real “unconditional love”. I had broken my vows and fallen in love with a man. She had every right to let her pain, suffering, embarassment, and profound abandonement, take control and make herself a wounded victim. But instead, my best friend and soul mate on life’s journey at that time, demonstrated what real love is all about. She was willing to let God take from her, everything that gave her life meaning and to lose her whole sense of self and safety and purpose. She didn’t try to bargain and set up rules that would allow us to stay together and allow her to feel safe. She let me go and was proud of me for taking the “road less travelled” and admitting that I was never “ex-gay” and accepting full responsibility for the damage my lies and misrepresentation caused to thousands of people. John, Please trust that feeling of grace that is tugging at you. It’s bigger than you have even started to comprehend. Whatever you and your wife decide to do is your own personal and very private decision. I just beg you not to let yourself feel good because you have stopped judging and demanding and controlling people who are “stuggling with issues of sexual brokeness”. Take the next step, out on the streets during Gay Pride perhaps and “shout it from the mountain tops, for all the World to hear… that you are Gay and loved by God, without any conditions, or rules or demands. Let those tears flow and Grace Rivers burst forth with the cleansing, life giving and life sustaining uncondtional love, that truly heals and genuinely transforms and redeems the suffering caused by your own self hatred and inability to comprehend who you truly are and always have been, perfectly knit in your mother’s womb, a Gay man by God’s own precious design! I apologize for my verbosity and a little bit for my directness in assuming I have a clue what Abba Father is working on in your heart at this time. Take whatever feels graceful and empowering and dump the rest. Narcissism has to be alive and well in the soul of one who thinks all these many words are truly necessary and important. Blessings to my fellow pioneers, Darlene and Mike who have done much more than I to repent and boldly proclaim the liberating Gosple of Grace! Jeffry Ford, former OUTPOST/Exodus Director and Teacher.

By: Sentient

Sentient — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 06:49:44 +0000

PS I find it very telling that you did not address what you would be teaching at your new establishment, more of the same or are you going to continue to turn a deaf ear? Are you being authentic or are you dribbling around the truth that you are going to teach basically the same thing? Lets hear about the renewed updated you. If you remain silent on this point, we can only assume the worst.