Free From Prison, Yet Still Afraid
As I watch the future approach, I can trust in His presence to guide me there. I can scream with fear, breathe in peace or I can just rest. From some angles they all look the same.
Gen. 3:8-10
Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. But the LORD God called to the man, “Where are you?” He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”
On Easter Sunday 2010, we lost our little Spencer doggie. He was killed by a car and His death was a tragic reality of life here on earth. We are but a mist, our lives are not guaranteed one more breathing second but God’s goodness remains. As we put his little body to rest, due to the pain of the empty void from his absence, we were very timid about investing in another dog. After 13 years of having him there was a gaping hole in our home, our lives, and our hearts but we weren’t sure we were up to going through it again. (You can read the story by clicking here.)
After a month or two I felt a desire to have a little puppy around again, but my wife Vileen wasn’t ready. A couple of months later she came to me and said she was ready to think about getting another dog. I was too, so we called the breeder where we had gotten Spencer and found that the prices had gone up exponentially in the last 13 years on purebred poodles! So we searched other places. We also began to search online for what was available.
One day I opened up the morning paper and found that there was a “puppy mill” that had been seized by the animal protection authorities. This particular operation was breeding smaller dogs and I wondered if we might find God’s provision for us through this terrible situation. I tried to find out where we could locate the animals that had been removed, but nothing seemed to bring any answers.
We continued to search online and found some little poodles at “Sunny Meadows Safe Haven For Pets” a local animal rescue agency. So, we went to see one of them and found it was a 6 month old puppy that we just didn’t feel was the right one for us at this time. So we moved on slowly to look for another one.
Last week I happened to be in the area of Sunny Meadows. I stopped by just to see what they had and they told me they had a 2 1/2 year old female that seemed to have a real sweet temperament. So I went with the lady back to their running pen. As she handed the little one to me I held her in my arms for the longest time. She seemed to relax there even though she was extremely distrustful and fearful of humans.
Proverbs 29:25
Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe
Her little life was spent in a cage for over two years. She was considered “breeding stock” to the owners. As we talked I was told that she had come from the puppy mill in Arkansas! Wow, this is interesting. That is what I was originally looking for. I found out that all of those dogs had been dispersed around the area to see if they could be adopted.
My heart immediately connected to this little girl. I went home and told my wife and we went back the next day to see her again. We both felt that this was the one we should take home with us. We found out that she had also contracted “heart worm” and would need special medical attention for some time to try to eradicate the worms from her little body.
I didn’t know much about this problem so I contacted a friend who is a veterinarian to ask some questions about what we would need to do. As I spoke with her I found out that she always refers her adoption inquiries to Sunny Meadows because she likes that agency and actually was their vet for a season. I felt more secure in our selection process for sure.
At the end of the conversation I felt somewhat overwhelmed about the prognosis of her heart worm. She told me that the treatment may work well, but there are some that die within the process of treatment because of the difficulty of healing from this problem. I thought, “Well, Lord, we will at least give her a good loving home while she is alive, and maybe she’ll heal”. We realized we could lose her but it is worth pouring ourselves into her little life anyway.
We named her Mollie. I call her “Mollie Bear”. I wanted to give her an endearing name since her life had been so inhumane. As we talked with the adoption staff further we began the process of learning how to rehabilitate a puppy mill dog. They told us this would require patience and it could be a long process. They assured us that trust needs to be built since she had never been socialized. She hadn’t had any human interaction so she has a deep fear of humans that needs to be overcome.
We brought her home and held her for long periods of time. She was not eating, drinking, or releasing any body fluids. The first night we kept her by our bed in a safe place. She slept all night without moving.
The next day we tried to feed her again. Nope, she wouldn’t eat or drink. She calmed down at times then she would get all worked up again. Quick movements were startling to her so we tried as best we could to be ever so careful. Her endearing sweet temperament was working its way into our hearts.
The second night, once again, she was put in her bed next to our bed. She quickly went to sleep. I the middle of the night I awoke hearing her little feet clicking on our wooden floors. I turned on the light and saw she had taken care of her eliminating needs. Actually, we were both so excited to see she is functioning! Sure it was a little bit of a mess but we were glad to see the improvement.
As I got up she ran into our closet into a dark corner all hunkered down in fear. I knew this wasn’t because she was ashamed for what she had done. She didn’t know any better since she had only been in a cage. Rather, she was scared to death of our large human bodies. But a ray of hope was present as she began to progress into some sense of normality. We held her for some time, calmed her down and put her back in bed.
I woke up and wondered, “What in the world are we doing?” Why would we spend the time and energy with a troubled dog when we could have chosen not to? We could just take her back and stop the process that was becoming quite an investment. We knew that this wouldn’t be over soon and I had second thoughts about taking on the burden of all the things that would become necessary. Later that morning my wife and I talked between my appointments. She told me that Mollie had eaten some food and that she had some water. Wow! Another ray of hope, she is eating! OK, lets keep on moving forward with her.
We took her out into the back yard to give her more exposure to her outside space. I placed her on the grass and stood beside her to see if she would follow me a little. With lots of loving words and a little attention she walked a couple of steps. It was very clear that her muscles are not toned and she is very weak. But, she followed me a few steps and I tried it again and she followed a little further.
She seemed pretty tired and still burdened with the affects of the stress. So she spent some time laying beside me in my office quietly.
We are both wondering about her future. Will she survive the heart worm? Will she be fearful forever? Will she ever romp or play with us? There are no guarantees about any of these questions coming out positive. She may, or she may not ever, be a friendly little expressive doggie. But, we have given her a home and are trying to love her tenderly with hope that she will make it to all of these goals.
As I begin to walk alongside one of God’s wounded creatures I am asking my Father for clarity. What do you see in little Mollie Bear? What do you see in me, Lord? Was it the same way with me when you freed me from the cage I had lived in for so long? Is this what You see in all of your new children after the ravages of the pain of this world create fear in our hearts? Is this what it is like for You to treat us tenderly while we learn to trust you?
Psalm 145:8-10 (The Message)
God is all mercy and grace— not quick to anger, is rich in love. God is good to one and all; everything he does is suffused with grace. Creation and creatures applaud you, God; your holy people bless you. They talk about the glories of your rule, they exclaim over your splendor.
This last couple of years I have seen a new side to my own spiritual walk with Jesus. I am beginning to understand that for some of us, the ways we have lived may require a long rehabilitation. It may require a safe, trust building exercise with you as our eternal adoptive Father. Yes, intellectually, I know you are a tremendously loving father but this doesn’t mean we are ready to receive what You have for us right away. You are so BIG! You are more than I can handle sometimes. I often struggle with trusting in Your kindness?
How about you? Have you felt timid, fearful, or distrusting of God? I have often thought, atheism is a deception. I don’t think anyone would turn away from God if they truly knew what His love and grace really is and could impart it to their own life. I think a large part of our spiritual growth for us is that of growing to learn of God’s unconditional love more and more every day.
One of the greatest steps of growth I have experienced this last couple of years is that of knowing more about grace. While I was in the middle of a willful act against what I know about God’s desire for us, He showed me a side of Himself that was life transforming. I knew what I was doing was not giving Him glory and once I accepted my own responsibility for the willful choice I decided to impart something I have said many times; “therefore there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Rom 8:1)! So, I proclaimed this and found God began to speak with me in a very loving and yet challenging way.
Proverbs 18:10
The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.
We may have come to Him with our own heart worms. These little parasites invade the circulatory system preventing a healthy blood flow and at times affecting breathing and overall body health. I think when I came to Jesus I had emotional heart worm and He is still ridding my life of these things. I was not ready at the beginning for what He had for me. I had “heart disease” that needed some careful treatment. His blood flows through my veins but sometimes my own sin sickness can block the arteries.
Will we become all that He hopes we will be? I don’t think we will experience all of our potential here in this life. But He is rehabilitating us over time. As Christians we can call this the “sanctification” process. Moving from a wounded, fearful, distrustful child into His care takes time and all of us are on different schedule. Our unique circumstances require His prescriptive care. In the process we can trust in his promise to complete the work He has begun.
Proverbs 1:33
But whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm
We’ve taken Mollie outside several times each day to acclimate her to our yard. She is nervous and obviously fearful of the open space and the strange smells. One day we thought we’d try to see if she would come to us if we walked away from her a few feet. With great trepidation on her face she actually ran away from us looking for a safer place in the flower garden. A couple of days later we tried again and she was more willing and actually came to us seemingly more aware that we are safe for her.
When Adam and Eve sinned, they didn’t run to their Father, rather they ran and hid in the garden just like Mollie. God searched for them calling them to Himself. Our natural state of being is that of being afraid. Unless someone takes that time with us to show us how to trust and not be afraid we will remain fearful. I think at some level, we are all afraid. Fear of being alone, fear of rejection, fear of being disliked, fear of failing – and the list goes on. Fear is at the root of many of our uncomfortable life situations.
Matthew 11:28
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Mollie is learning more about trust and the next day, when she was in the yard, she actually ran to us. Day by day, I also trust in my Lord more. I hope I run to Him more quickly when I am afraid.
I am so thankful that He is careful with me. I am also grateful that He is taking me through things that may cause me some angst, but they are for my good. He will continue to expose me to things that I may not ask for but he is loving me through them. His kind hands of guidance are really scary at times and I may run from them. He knows, and doesn’t mind. He just keeps trying with me until we make further progress. And when I need to be held, or calmed down, He will do that too.
Psalm 4:8
I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.
Little Mollie Bear is safe where she is. She is loved, and we will care for her the very best way we can. But we sure look forward to her growing more secure. I look forward to the day when she smiles! Yes, dogs smile. She may even laugh a little. I remember our little Spencer doggie running around in circles as though he was laughing, or experiencing joy. I sure hope she will get there. Maybe soon she’ll follow me further than just a few steps. She might even get to the place where she walks alongside me with ease.
“Jesus, it’s like you and me isn’t it?
I’ll bet you can’t wait for me to experience more joy, more freedom, and to walk alongside you with ease.
Hosea 2:18
In that day I will make a covenant for them with the beasts of the field and the birds of the air and the creatures that move along the ground. Bow and sword and battle I will abolish from the land, so that all may lie down in safety.
August 27th, 2010 at 9:02 am
Your love for Mollie Bear is very touching. She has found a home. Thanks, John.
August 27th, 2010 at 9:49 am
(email response)
John,
Thanks for your devotionals. I love your ability to articulate real emotions, provoking questions, and the beauty of walking with Christ.
God bless.
Gerry
August 27th, 2010 at 9:49 am
(Email Response)
John:
Great analogy… from Mollie to Me! That must be God’s perspective in rescuing us.
God Bless.
Sandy
August 27th, 2010 at 9:50 am
(FaceBook Response)
“Deeply moving lesson to everyone about abuse and the challenges of healing. Even if she has been too shattered to ever be what she might have been had she not lived with abuse, she will always be in a state of restoration and healing because she is in the presence of love. ”
WB
August 27th, 2010 at 11:09 am
FaceBook Comment
“Thanks John, for all your encouraging words from the LORD through your devotionals. They are timely and thus, greatly appreciated.”
JB
August 27th, 2010 at 11:16 am
John,
you are an amazing writer, a true gift from God you are using for His glory. And yes, Mollie Bear will be so grateful you chose her, just as Jesus chose you. What a story, this one is powerful, because God always teaches me through His creation, and this has impacted me greatly – it is where I am too, personally and with our Coco. She too was a rescue and has changed remarkably over the year. Give Mollie some time, and she will smile!! Cannot wait to meet her….in time. God is going to bring you much higher, all because he chose Mollie for you, and you for Him. WOW!!!
August 27th, 2010 at 4:39 pm
Thank you for this, John! It is the right word for me at the right time. Now just pray that I can let go and let Jesus take me where He wants me. It’s VERY scary!
August 27th, 2010 at 5:39 pm
Email Entry
I read your last entry about Mollie Bear. I can see that this will be such an effective tool to reach wounded folk. In the days we are in, there seem to be so many people who are able to relate to animals even more than humans! You know it is not unusual to see people grieving more over an injured seal than an aborted human baby.
I want to bless you as you continue to allow Holy Spirit teach you about the spirit realm as you relate to the natural realm. That whole thing of the visible speaking to us of the invisible has been a topic of interest to me for years.
In Jesus,
PT
August 27th, 2010 at 11:27 pm
John, I commented on your FB page regarding Mollie, and just now I read the story. There is such a Godly parable in Mollie’s life, and the love that you and Vileen have for her. Anyone who has known what it is to have the word “Unacceptable” imprinted on their heart, is challenged repeatedly to believe that they are truly lovable; that they are, in fact, the Beloved of God, yet in the presence of His persistent love, we have to believe that there is healing. I pray that she will come to know the joy of abundant life in your home as she is loved to a place of wholeness she has never before known. Christ’s peace, Will