If anyone wants change in their stinking thinking and behavior, stop “feeling” and start acting like you say you believe. Miracles only happen when you are in direct partnership with God, owning up to your errant living, confessing it to God and publicly, and renouncing any connection with that life style. It doesn’t work any other way…

Read the scriptures again; you, John, and the rest of the folks you are “trying” to help may actually have the spiritual revelation of God’s holiness.

I was one one of your LiA “clients,” and I wanted to extend a “No apology necessary, you were forgiven before time began!” We all have our journeys, and I want to respect yours. As you say “I’m sorry,” know that it’s important for many, many people. For me, it’s good to hear. I certainly forgive you, and you have certainly always been forgiven. We were both deceived.

Deceived like only an angel of light can. The man-made institution of the ex-gay ministry is religion at its best: beat down, brainwash, control = elicit response to increase numbers. Many, many innocent victims. But, it is what it is, and all we can do is effect change within ourselves and be authentic about the process. A big harm from reparative therapy for me was the innocent victims—the people I was encouraged to “blame” for making me gay. While the intent was to repair relationships, it came across as “I’m struggling with same sex attractions, and it’s because of you…”

In any event, I appreciate your transparency. Truth is the foundation of Love, and in this pursuit of Truth we find commonality. I have since transitioned from a man struggling with same sex attractions, to just plain gay. Gay as in orientation. Christ has set me free from my own worst enemy–myself! The whole time I was praying for freedom from same-sex attractions, the only thing God wanted to set me free from was my own religion-induced slavery, condemnation, and judgment! Transformation is HERE, and my “gayness” is the same as it’s ever been! Who knew that giving my life to Christ would entail coming out of the closet. He works in mysterious ways, for sure.

Thank you again for sharing; I’m glad I found your blog!

Brian

I don’t know anyone, and have never known anyone, who would want to change their sexual orientation. I read at Dr. Throckmortons blog because the scientific answer to that question, can people change their sexual orientation is a civil rights issue for sexual minorities and I am very interested in that. Is it immutable or not, is the question I went over there to learn the answer to.

I have been a regular commentor for only about a year now over there, but I have learned a lot, a real lot.

I think it is safe to say that Dr. Throckmorton, an Evangelical Psychology Profesor at an Evangelical college, has done a 180 on his views if sexual minorities can change their sexual orientation. He used to be a member of NARTH and Exodus, and now he writes about them all the time exposing their lies and distortions of scientific research. He writes about the Evangelical blackout of sexual orientation science here, it is a very interesting read.
http://wthrockmorton.com/2011/12/15/the-evangelical-blackout-of-sexual-orientation-research-part-2/
And remember, he is an Evangelical!

There has to be some commonsense here, you just can’t cling to religious dogma in the face of irrefutable science. It is wrong to insist that sexual minorities waste their time on their knees praying and praying to be straight when that is very very very rare for men, women have a bit more fluidity, because it ain’t gonna happen. It is like asking a black man to pray to be white, and to keep on praying until he turns white.

Even if people sometimes do move along that sexual orientation scale a little bit from one side to the other (and I do mean a little) we do know one thing, people do not have a “choice” in their sexual orientation just like the black man does not have a choice in the color of his skin. People do not choose to be gay, I did not choose to be straight I just am. And no, it is not well, just change your behavior then. Change it to what?

I’ll better stop and let you continue on with your blog John, don’t mean to take up so much real estate here.

So again to all of you who say how great Mixed Orientation Marriages are, and this is a solution for sexual minorities in order to be considered “God’s Best,” be aware that it is only a very very small minority of these marriages that make it till death do us part. Just because you are holding it together now doesn’t mean you always will be able to.

http://wthrockmorton.com/2012/01/09/alan-chambers-99-9-have-not-experienced-a-change-in-their-orientation/comment-page-1/#comment-429546

Thank you, I am glad that my story was a blessing for you. I continue to evaluate whether or not I am searching after man’s world, or God’s. I find that there is great opportunity for men to let me down through organizations, churches, and other things like that. I am learning more each day that my trust must be in God. I may not always understand His ways, but at the core, i do trust in His goodness. GCN, evanglicalism, and other man made structures can be very disappointing at times. But, I am moving through it all with his grace. I hope you are too, Will. It’s been good to have been in touch with you over these last couple of years.

First let me say that I don’t have a dog in this race. I don’t know any sexual minorities that struggled to reject that part of themselves. I don’t even know a single member of my extended family or circle of friends who would reject a family member or friend because of their sexual orientation, or ask them to change. I know of no one personally who ever went to an ex-gay ministry or ex-gay therapy. And I am a Christian.

What I observe is a man literally bearing his soul with no chance at all of personal gain. Rationalization is the greatest human need. When we do wrong we often rationalize it to relieve ourselves of guilt. We need to feel better about ourselves so we rationalize. I see no rationalization in John’s statement.

I feel so sorry for him, do you know how awful he must feel. He is looking back over years of work, years, when he thought he was doing good an realizes, it wasn’t right. He got it wrong, and he knows he hurt many many people he scared many of them for years, some for life. I am not attacking him, only repeating what he himself has said. I don’t know why he is doing it. I think I would just quietly make amends to as many people as I could in a private manner. Just think of what he is doing here. Look at what he has written, what he is acknowledging.

I also agree with John and so does science, it is extremely rare for men to change their sexual orientation. Now you can hem that and haw that all you want, but that is the scientific truth. It is unfair to tell the person who is a sexual minority that they should then cling to celibacy in order to be “God’s Best” After all the person who is heterosexual leading a chaste life who never happens to marry always knows in their lifetime that maybe it WILL happen for them, a mate, a life partner to love. They have Hope.

It is not the same “celibacy sentence” to a sexual minority, as you are telling them that they are to go through life without ever having a compatible life partner to love and hold. They are denied this dream for the rest of their life if they want to be acceptable to God. Even a priest knows that if he wants to, at any time he can leave the Priesthood and marry and God will still love him. He has a choice in the matter of his celibacy. There is no group of people on earth you condemn to a life of celibacy than sexual minorities who Did.Not.Choose.And.Cannot.Change.How.They.Are. In order to be pleasing to God.

And to the people who write here that you are in a Mixed Orientation Marriage and it IS working for you, that does NOT mean it will work for others. Sexual orientation is like a rope stretched between two poles, on one end homosexual, on the other end heterosexual, and in the middle bi-sexual. You may be more towards the middle while the person you are preaching to is at the end of the rope on the homosexual side, he is never going to get to the other side of that rope.

Not only that, your life is not over with. There are many many examples of people in Mixed Orientation Marriages who run into a person of their same sex late in life, and they fall in love and leave their spouse after 35 and 40 years of marriage. They don’t plan on doing that, it just happens. Your life is not over with yet, the most you can say is that you have accomplished this for XX number of years.

So what are the choices?
#A. To require celibacy in order to be “God’s Best” I believe is cruel, just cruel. It’s not beautiful, ask people who are celibate not by choice how great it is. They will tell you, they wish they could meet the right one and have a life partner.

#B. To attempt to pair up with a person of the opposite sex, with very little chance of success, not that it doesn’t happen but again a very low percentage. And for the ones who it doesn’t work out for which is the majority by at least 80%+ the pain and lost years to both the husband and wife who tried it. I read divorce stories from the straight spouses of women and men in their 30s, 40s, and 50s, and their stories are heartbreaking.

#C People who are sexual minorities are loved, respected and accepted, and they feel secure in who they are and the do like any other heterosexual person, they search for a “compatible” life partner.

John I read these comments and I have a vision, a vision of you trying to walk away to a peaceful green meadow and your old friends and acquaintances are throwing ropes around you gently but firmly trying to pull you back, they don’t want to loose you. I see you gently but firmly removing the ropes and slowly walking to where you want to go. This is what the Bible passages are that they ask you about, those are the ropes. I think you ARE going to walk into that peaceful green meadow and there you will sit down by yourself and think and reflect.