Archive for October, 2009
Friday, October 30th, 2009
As Iron sharpens Iron, so does one man sharpen another. Proverbs 27:17
Derek was only 18 when he learned of his father’s addiction. Sitting on the step of a stairwell in a hotel close to his college, he hung his head. First anger, then such severe grief for an 18 year old to have to endure, just when he was trying to figure out his own identity and place in this world.
As a mom, I felt so much pain for my son. I felt so fearful of the effect this news would have on his future choices. I wanted to protect him, to keep him from hurting, but I couldn’t, I needed to let him feel and then handle it in his own way. I could‘t fuss over him or coddle him. He was alone in a whole new environment, knowing very few, no family around him and having to deal with such devastating news about his father. How would this news change their relationship? Would they ever be okay?
Today, I look back to that time and I marvel to think of what God has done in ten years. The progress, the healing of the hearts of two men that I love so much, two men who are learning together to live…wild at heart!
Derek, is a dad himself now living in South Dakota. One night, in the Fall of 2008, while still living in Minnesota, we got a call from him. He asked for his father and said,” Dad I need you!” He worked on his in-laws family farm, but had recently gone on his own and he was feeling overwhelmed! He had so much on his plate and wanted his dad close by. Derek is a risk taker, He was willing to trust God and step out, but now he was asking for help. His dad could have said, “Derek, I’m over 50 years old, I’m done moving around. I am staying right where I’m at.
But instead, he wrestled with God until there was peace, and then he dropped everything and ran to his son! By that I mean…God provided full time work for Roger as a farm hand with Derek’s brother-in-law. Within two weeks after the offer for the job, he was on his way to SD. I went with Roger that first week and then I had to come back to MN and stay working until our house sold. Starting with the very first day we arrived, Roger and Derek spent most nights sleeping in the barn calving out 200 heifers. Derek had spent a couple weeks preparing for our arrival. They had a single mattress and a recliner in the tack room with a small heater and a compact refrigerator also, not to mention a portable DVD player. Many hilarious stories have come from that experience along with some life lessons I am sure.
Mutual respect came from all the experiences they had as they lived in very tight quarters depending on one another to get through day and ultimately the calving season. Walking together in the middle of the night through blizzards and frigid sub 0 degree temperatures…one holding a light and one picking up a new born calf who was on the brink of hypothermia, carrying them to the barn, rubbing them down to increase circulation then placing them in a warmer to save their lives. They worked together assisting many of the cows who were struggling to have their first babies. There were nights where they were exhausted. They had to continue setting their alarms every two hours and getting up to check the cows who were getting close to delivery. Some nights Derek would wake up and sneak out to let his father have some extra sleep and some nights Rog would do the same for him.
Derek saw his dad walking in the newness of the man God created him to be. He saw a seasoned kind of calmness he had not seen in his dad before. He respected him for being willing at his age to change his entire lifestyle and his job to be near him and his family, taking the opportunity to rebuild that relationship.
Roger saw his son as the man he was becoming, strong and adventurous, organized and knowledgeable of the task at hand. He had a strong work ethic, willing to work hard to provide for his family.
This relationship didn’t happen over night. There have been some hard times where the growing pains of honesty, love and respect were being sharpened. But they have worked hard to regain that mutual respect that comes from working through the steps of the journey!
As Iron sharpens Iron, so does one man sharpen another…Proverbs 27:17
This is a verse we have up in our family room near the pictures of Roger, Derek and Jason our son-in law. It is a good reminder of the importance that relationship plays between men.
As a mom, I am moved again by God’s goodness and grace in the lives of Derek and his father. Just 2 weeks ago Roger got a phone call. Derek sounded like a kid in a candy store. He had been invited on an Elk hunting trip. They were leaving for the Rockies the next morning. They would be hauling their horses to the southwest corner of Colorado, unloading, riding up into the mountains and sleeping under the stars. He wanted his dad to come along and be a part of this adventure. It was a very difficult decision; however Roger knew that with the symptoms of West Nile virus still present in his body, it wouldn’t be a good idea health wise for him to go on this trip.
I continue to thank God whenever I see them together. I still, after all these years, am moved to tears as I think of the gift of relationship between these two men in my life. Without both men trusting the God of the universe…things could be very different! The world says, “Just write ‘um off!” But our God is in the business of healing and restoring, He says, “Come to Me…”
Tags: Derek DeRaad, Father and Son, Journey of Thomas, Roger DeRaad, Sue DeRaad
Posted in Sue DeRaad's Blog, Testimonies, The Journey of Thomas, Uncategorized | 1 Comment »
Saturday, October 17th, 2009
Ten Years Ago I didn’t know if we’d even have a family.
Monday morning, I marveled as I considered the past weekend. Wow God, you really did care for us as a family. You had a work to do and you used our family to show us just how big, wide and vast your love really is! Thank you Father!
Ten years ago, I didn’t know if we’d even have a family. In the midst of our deepest struggles, there was so much pain, so much hurt…so much forgiveness needed to find our way back to each other. Could it ever be, would we even get there? Could life ever be found again aside from the severe pain and confusion we were in?
Jeremiah 29: 12-14
“Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. And I will be found by you,”: declares the Lord, “and I will restore your fortunes and will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord. “
Watching Roger’s parents drive away, I smiled, what a beautiful weekend. Our family had been separated for nearly 10 years. Derek married and starting his family in SD, Cassidy and Jason in TN for 6 years and then to Owatonna, MN near us. Our parents and sisters had remained in International Falls the whole time. It was great having our daughter Cassidy, Jason and Levi, near us, but we still felt unsettled because our son Derek, Laura and their girls were still 7 hours away.
You might be saying, “Many families are separated, that is not so unusual.” But in spite of all the hurt from our past, we loved each other and didn’t want to settle for being apart. God wasn’t finished with us yet and we began to pray and seek after Him for direction! I felt certain that our family must be gathered back together to bring the kind of healing that God desired and that would glorify His name.
I began doing a lot of reading in the Old Testament. I read about how God scattered the Israelites because of their sin, but in the end he gathered them from where he had sent them, to take back the land that was stolen from them by the enemy, Our “Land” was “our hearts and our relationships”
Today, as I reminisce about our recent move to South Dakota and this past weekend with family, I am humbled and stand amazed at His great love for us. The weekend was filled with excitement and laughter. The grandmas were in the kitchen cooking a Chinese dinner for everyone. With 15 adults and 12 children, our work was cut out for us! The mom’s with young children were watching and learning, sharing adult conversation while keeping one eye on the 12 children squealing with excitement over being together with their cousins. Great Grandparents watched in delight and the men in the living room anxiously awaited the call to dinner.
As the “Grandma” of the house, I rang the old brass bell in memory of our great great grandma who relished each moment she had her family around her table. Ringing the bell meant it was time to gather and ask God to bless the food we were about to eat and to give thanks for the family gathering around.
There is a picture stamped on my heart forever. I will go back to this day often and be filled up with the memory of our children, their families and our parents sitting around our dining room table feasting not merely of His provision, but also of the breath taking aroma of our of love for one another, as forgiveness permeated the air around us.
This, my friend is what Grace Rivers is all about – God building and restoring broken relationships that seem impossible! It is all about providing the tools, and sharing the joy of seeing others experience the Grace that our heavenly father so freely gives. This will require a willingness to trust God to do His work in us and through us. Trusting God to heal our pain is a risk worth taking!
Jeremiah 31:1-2a, 3- 4a
“At that time,” declares the Lord, “I will be the God of all the families of Israel, and they shall be my people.” Thus says the Lord, “the people who survived the sword, found grace in the wilderness…” “I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore I have drawn you with loving kindness” “Again I will build you and you shall be rebuilt,”
Tags: family, Restored, Sue DeRaad, The Journey of Thomas
Posted in Sue DeRaad's Blog, Testimonies, The Journey of Thomas | 2 Comments »
Monday, October 12th, 2009
(John and Best Man, Rex)
36 years ago today it began then six years later, divorce took it away.
October 12, 1973, I got married for the first time. I was just 19 years old and in many ways I was mature for my age. I had worked for many years to provide for most of my own needs. I cooked, cleaned, and did laundry for myself for many years. I had developed a pretty deep level of independence. I felt deeply convicted about living a moral about life and felt that I had made pretty solid personal choices. I was sexually a virgin and marriage seemed to be the next natural step in life.
Upon our wedding week we found that the state of Nebraska had a waiting period for marriage licenses that we had not known about. So our wedding plans were changed a little! We were married early in the morning of our planned wedding day but not where we had planned. We were married instead, in Iowa at a small church there with only a few in attendance. Our planned wedding would come about later that day and it all went off without a hitch from that point on.
I married Kris, a girl that I had dated in high school. I remember one of our times together as we were getting to know each other. We were driving on the interstate in Omaha and through our conversation, I felt deeply connected to her. I remember thinking, “she can really relate to me”. Our lives were so similar considering our family backgrounds and life experiences that I felt valued because it seemed she understood my pain.
Since I was aware of much of the pain in my life, I remember saying to myself, I will never do to my kids what my parents did to me, divorce and separate our family. I held family values and relationship commitment in high esteem. The divorce in my childhood home was a devastating blow to us all and in no way did I want to repeat that tragedy.
So, I moved on with marriage and life. For three years I spent a lot of my energy remodeling our home. We put forth a significant amount of our time with friends and family. It became time to build our own family. Alysha was born in 1976 and Amanda in 1977. Life seemed to be pretty good overall. I had reached all of my own goals by the time I was 24 years old. They were quite materialistic, a new home, new furnishings, a new car, and the proverbial “big wheels” in the driveway for our kids. But soon, the pain I had been feeling all through the years surfaced in a very unsuspecting way. I had never considered that I would break our marriage vows through adultery but on that fateful night in 1979, I was susceptible to the enemy’s schemes and acted upon my own lustful flesh with another outside of my marriage.
Looking back, if it weren’t for the deeply seated brokenness in my life, our marriage might have survived but as the Song of Solomon says, “Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom. (2:15)” The little foxes were not readily seen but very present and came to life much to my surprise and that of many others around me.
In 1979 our marriage changed its course forever and my decision of divorce devastated our home.
I don’t ever forget this date. Each year, I ponder what was, what has happened, where I am today and seek God’s forgiveness and grace all the more. I am woefully aware of my own ability to be selfish, to think more highly of myself than others, and to run from pain.
How can I forgive myself for exploding the bomb of divorce with shrapnel flying all over my family, and myself? Only with the forgiveness of Christ can there be a cleaning of the soul. None of this caught our Heavenly Father off guard. He had made a way for me. He searched out my life and introduced me to His forgiveness and gave me a new life.
It doesn’t change what happened 30 years ago. But, it has given me a foundation of grace to build upon that I didn’t have at that time. I can only pray that He will do the same for each one who was devastated by my choices.
He can do that.
Tags: divorce, john smid, marriage
Posted in Articles by John Smid, Get Into John's Head, Personal for the Smids, Testimonies, Uncategorized | No Comments »
Monday, October 12th, 2009
I was trying to be honest about who I am and what I think and feel as I presented a potential car to a customer. As I did that, I really enjoyed the connection I had with them individually. I also sought to find out who they were. One man was looking at a 2010 Corolla and said he didn’t want the bright colored one because he was more of a simple guy. The one he preferred was beige. We looked around and test drove a car.
He mentioned that he wanted a brand new car so we found the only one we had left on the lot that was in his price range. It happened to be a bright metallic blue sports model with fancy wheels and a spoiler. We drove it and when we got out of the car he said with some new awareness, “I even like the sporty bright blue and the spoiler is kind of cool too”.
Sometimes we don’t know ourselves very well and take the safest route or make the seemingly benign choice so as to not draw attention to ourselves. This young man discovered he wasn’t as plain as he thought he was. He found that at his young age of 25, he had some real zip inside of him that drew him to like this really bright, attention getting sports car!
It was really awesome for me to see this guy discover himself through the process. I’d like to think I had a part in helping him find the sport’s model to be invigorating to consider!
I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well. Ps. 149:14
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Monday, October 5th, 2009
Active Participation
Am I willing to put aside my own agenda to in order to listen to someone else’s heart?
Phil. 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.
Wow, I thought as I sat looking up at the stars. It was amazing! The stars had taken over the entire universe. The Big Sky, which is normally referred to as being in Montana, had escaped to the Dakotas. My mind was lost for a moment, until I heard the Roger sigh. We were lost together sitting outside on our little patio with only the dim flame of a candle between us, the perfect end to a very hard day.
Roger and I both started out with our agenda’s. He was going to spend the day cleaning out the rest of the “junk” from our move. Then he wanted to dig the potatoes, bring in the pumpkins, squash, and gourds and finally pull the foliage from the garden. He had a busy day planned. I was going to enter a month of spending receipts and balance the checkbook. I also had to freeze apples, and clean the house before my daughter and I would leave for Minnesota to get our last load of personal things and close on the sale of our house. I reminded Roger the night before that I knew he would want my help the next day, but I would not be able to keep running out to help him if I was going to get my work done.
The day started out good. Roger went right to the garage and I started organizing my day inside. Within a half hour, I heard “Sue, I need you!” I didn’t say anything, I went to the garage and Roger said, “I know this isn’t what you wanted to be doing, but I really need your input on some things out here.”
At that point, I had to make a decision. I felt invaded and all kinds of thoughts were running through my mind. “What makes your work more important than mine?” “Roger, I don’t have time, you are putting pressure on me!” “Here we go again, you come first!” “I have so much to do and it’s not going to get done, AGAIN!” I answered his question and then I went inside.
As I began to prepare for everything I had to do, I thought…Roger has a Saturday off. He never gets a Saturday off. So, I do understand. There are so many things we probably should just donate to charity, toys to clean up for the grandchildren, and kitchen stuff to sort through. My heart began to change. I changed clothes, put on my shoes and went out and asked, “where do you want me to start?” I saw the frustration on Roger’s face dissipate, being replaced with relief.
We had a wonderful day together. We got the garage cleaned out, All the toys gone through washed up and put away in toy boxes and totes for the grandkids. We got the garden cleaned out with 20 pumpkins and a wheelbarrow filled with squash and gourds.
It was a beautiful fall day. We even did a little outdoor decorating for the season. Towards evening Roger offered to scrub my floors while I worked on the checkbook. I got my kitchen, dining room, and entry floors scrubbed. Hurray!!
About 8:00 pm, I walked out to the patio to share a couple polish sausages and a bag of chips with Rog. He had lit a candle and we sat underneath the stars and shared a simple intimate moment. It was a perfect ending to a perfect day, a day that could have been very different if I hadn’t listened to my husband’s heart and see that his needs were important. I made a choice, to esteem him as more important that day than my own needs.
Tags: Active Participation, Sue DeRaad, The Journey of Thomas
Posted in Sue DeRaad's Blog, Testimonies, The Journey of Thomas, Uncategorized | 1 Comment »
